Father’s Day Rant and a message of honor
There’s no better day than Father’s day to publicly acknowledge:
Sometimes dads get the short end of the stick.
I remember when I was about 11 years old I bought a hilarious issue of MAD magazine. You know, MAD – the satire mag with the
picture of Alfred E. Newman on the cover.
One particular article was mocking the media, and had this cartoon of the typical dad as he’s usually portrayed on TV:
A bumbling idiot guy is stooped down in the kitchen, peering into the oven with his hand on the temperature knob of the stove. And he’s saying, “Jeepers honey, I can’t seem to find channel 4 on the Teee-Veee.”
Yep…. the comedians give you a more accurate picture than the news does, most of the time.
Consistently, dads are portrayed on TV as stupid. They’re dumber than mom, dumber than their mistress, dumber than the mouthy teenage kids, dumber than the plumber.
My kids have “Berenstain Bears” books that we read at bedtime. In these books, Papa Bear usually says stupid things and Mama Bear usually corrects him.
Portraying husbands and dads as helpless fools is so common, most of us don’t even notice it anymore.
Or how about that old feminist slogan, “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle”?
What a thoroughly slanderous thing to say. I fail to see the humor. How is that any less insulting than, say, calling someone a nigger?
Our culture freely and gleefully tears down men. It forges their greatest strengths and highest aspirations into weapons that are used against them.
And my job today, Father’s day in the United States, is to set the record straight.
Men are not fools nor are they pigs or idiots.
Millions of men labor long hours for their wives and families and make great sacrifices for their loved ones. They set aside their personal agendas every day at 6 or 7am and drive to work and take great pride in caring for their families. They come home after dark and do it all over again the next day.
Many a man is too busy providing for his family and attending to his responsibilities, to try to argue with some bitter magazine columnist or college professor who labels him as ‘unnecessary.’
The fact that he IS necessary, and that people DO depend on him in a very real way, is actually the source of his greatest pride. It’s inseparable from his identity: At his core, he understands himself as the #1 defender and provider of those whom he loves.
So why am I saying all this to you today?
Not to put down people who put down men; not to nurse a grudge; but rather to say that on Father’s day we need to take a minute and untangle some of the lies and hurtful things that are said about men.
Because 97% of the time, they’re not true.
These lies must be untangled so that the truth can be spoken and received:
If you are a man, a husband, a father, a provider, YOU are worthy of honor and today is the day the world honors you. Today I honor you for what you do, even though much of the time it may feel like a thankless job.
THANK YOU for doing what you do.
And also, whether you are a man or a woman, a grandpa or a teenager, there is probably some *other* man in your life that deserves an embrace or an email or a phone call or a text message – some small token of thanks and honor for being who he is and doing what he does.
It’s a day for all of us to honor each other for the ways that we serve.
Now if you are a man and an entrepreneur then you sometimes have TWO thankless jobs not one. Jobs which are often directly at odds with each other.
And… if you’re a *struggling* entrepreneur then you have a triple whammy: The challenges of the two jobs and the tension between the two… combined with injury to your pride because you have not been able to provide as well as you dearly dream of providing.
Not many people understand how deeply that moves you sometimes. It’s a private hurt, for the most part.
Please remember, it is a hurt that comes from the noblest of intentions and the highest of aspirations.
Sometimes men and entrepreneurs alike are judged by other people as just being selfish.
Sometimes our best efforts to give are misconstrued as attempts to take.
All men struggle with this. You and me both. You’re not alone.
Let me tell you a little story….
I’ve got this little group of friends at my church that sometimes gets together for the sole purpose of praying and… just listening.
Listening to what the Still Small Voice may have to say.
Waiting until something is heard, until Wisdom presents herself.
Sometimes those meetings are pretty quiet. Sometimes there are long stretches of silence. It’s a strange and special thing.
On one particular day I was seeking wisdom about this very question – what to do with this feeling that, sometimes, my own best efforts to give have been misconstrued by others as attempts to take.
I wait and listen for awhile and after some time goes by, the answer comes back: “People do that to Me all the time. They interpret My best efforts to give as attempts to take. This is an experience you and I both share, together.”
Wow. A Father and a son having empathy for each other. Sharing that mutual experience and bonding together, within that experience. How human that is, yet… how supernatural.
So yes, today I acknowledge with you that shared experience. I celebrate you and we all celebrate Father’s Day and give HONOR to dads. Dads who, even in all our imperfections, strive and sacrifice to give the very best to those we love.
Seize the Day.
Perry Marshall
About the Author
Entrepreneur Magazine says: "Perry Marshall is the #1 author and world's most-quoted consultant on Google Advertising. He has helped over 100,000 advertisers save literally billions of dollars in Adwords stupidity tax."
He is referenced across the Internet and by The Washington Post, USA Today, and the Chicago Tribune.
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Perry, you’ve got the best newsletter online. That’s all I’ve got to say.
Amen
Perry,
I generally never write comments (I am too busy trying to make a living), but your post hits the nail on the head.
I am sick of the insults, assumed stupidity, and general men hating in our current society. I work 2 jobs plus starting an internet site for songwriters and without me my daughter is in the street.
So Hooray for writing this.
Jon Griffin
salsablanca.com
jongriffin.com
Wow. I was so moved by your story about listening for the still small voice. God does understand what we go through because he has gone through it so many times as well. Thank you for sharing your personal story.
You are SO right!
You’ve said it all here, so all I want to add is that I hope everyone who reads your post today will stop and think. Think if they’ve recognized the sacrifices that their own Dads, or husbands, or brothers, or even their sons have made for them.
While my Father passed on many years ago, I’m fortunate to have a husband who has worked hard to support us, and along with him, two sons who are always there for me – and always willing to give up some of their own precious time if I need their help. (I try not to abuse the privilege!)
As for the media and their jokes – oh well, they’re just dumb. I’m a blonde, so guess I get to endure it along with the men.
Happy Father’s Day Perry!
The TV image of husbands and fathers changed in the 1960′s. My Dad is gone now but he worked through the Great Depression, married my Mom, fought in WWII and kept being a faithful husband and father. He was not rich or famous, but he was my father.
Many families in the US have fallen because of the lack of good fathers. I am also mad at TV and most movies that depict fathers as mostly stupid and incompetent. Happy Fathers Day to all of the good dads in the USA.
Thanks a zillion for that, Perry. I couldn’t agree with you more. The two men I have the most respect for in this world are my own dad and my husband, father and hero to our three sons.
We just went through a class at church “Love and Respect” and I learned a whole lot more about expressing appreciation, respect, and honor to my husband, as he learned about the kind of honor and love that women need. We’re wired very differently for very good reasons.
I’m not big on “days” for this and that, apparently for the benefit of the card shops and gift stores, but if that’s what it takes to get us to stop and acknowledge and express the appreciation that should be a regular part of our relationships, then so be it.
Happy Father’s Day to you too.
Becki
I was with you until you compared the feminist insult to being called a nigger.
That is whole different league where the hate ends with some people getting lynched.
A psychological lynching is probably worse than death, where there is at least a final release/relief. This is what I watched my husband go through for his attempts to parent the children from his previous marriage. Sadly, this great father died suddenly last summer, leaving me and our two young children behind.
Insults are instults, and it’s the individual that we have to worry about, not necessarily the insult itself. Because people react differently to them. But they are all wrong.
What a fantastic post.
As a guy supporting his family, I’m doing it without ever want of any material “reward”.
I’m doing it because it is the core of who I am, and it actually makes me extremely proud to have my wife & kids close to me.
I’m one of those entrepreneurs you mentioned – have made some huge sacrifices, absolute pride “bashing” …and it’s now 100% worth it.
I enjoy the 12 second commute to my office.
I enjoy having breakfast, lunch, and dinner with my family.
But most all, I enjoy the freedom my wife has to do what she wants in the day and not be “roped” into a 9-5 job with the kids in “day care”.
…And it’s thanks to people like you Perry who write some amazing content, content which people like me can use, put into action, and get results that allow me to – well, “enjoy” life.
To you!
Cheers, Dave
Perry,
Thanks for your awesome message,
which bears repeating.
The only ones stupid an ignorant
are the ones in the media and in
this world that make such self-centered
comments.
Happy Fathers Day, Perry
Ron Brantley
Perry,
I could not agree with you more. In my program, The Man Class Series, I show men how to win with women they love by understanding their desires.
I ask men to be the Chairman of the Relationship much like Chairman of the Board in a business. It is the highest position. I say men should be in the benevolent power position and they should wield their power with pride.
Earlier this year I created a term MASTERMAN (check it out on Urban Dictionary, author is Love Linguist). It is a status that all men can achieve. Forget the poor portrayals of men in comics and TV. Step up and claim your rightful place as a Masterman!
To all the dads – I love you!
Sherrie Rose
@SherrieRose
The Love Linguist
Inspiring yes, but there is a HUGE difference in insulting men compared with the horrific word “nigger”
I’m appalled that you’d dare to compare the two.
This is not a slam, I read everything you write, but that was a tad out of bounds. Will take me a few weeks to try and forget how shocked I am at your choice of “comparisons”, but I’m sure it wasn’t your intent.
Please be careful though, trying to use such a horribly racist words like that, especially when there are a plethora of other terms that could have easily (and even better) hit home.
Still a fan,
TJ
TJ and Dr. Howell:
I hope you can cut me some slack on the huge range of meanings that these words have to different people. I come from a position of respect towards you and what you’ve experienced and the historical meaning of these words.
For me – this is just my experience – the word “nigger” is a name no white person would ever use in reference to a black person. At the same time it is a word that some African-Americans freely use with each other, with a whole range of colors and shades of meanings. It’s always derogatory in some sense but apparently acceptable.
It is in this sense that, to me, it’s comparable in flavor to the “woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” slam.
The meaning of the word “nigger” in 2009 is much different than it was, say, in the 1930′s – where I think if stories like “To Kill a Mockingbird.”
I mean no disrespect to you guys. Thanks for voicing your thoughts.
Perry
Why do black people call themselves the N word, like all over the place, on t.v, to one another, in the music world ALL the time, and then get offended when a white person says the N word is wrong?
So weird…
Perry,
You wrote:
For me – this is just my experience – the word “nigger” is a name no white person would ever use in reference to a black person.”
This is not true. There are many white people who will still use this word amongst their friends and families to degrade African-Americans. Just because you don’t see or hear them doesn’t mean they don’t exist. The word is still used by many whites to this day. They are just very good at hiding it because it is no longer politically correct as it was in the 1800′s, 1930′s or as recently as the 1950′s and 60′s.
Susan,
When white people use the ‘N’ word to describe African Americans it is meant to elicit pain. When black people use it towards each other it is not meant to elicit pain, it is used as a way to help release the pain of racism by taking control of the word and using it in a more positive way.
Huge Difference.
Perry,
You are a gifted writer and this is a great article and right on point, however Jim Rohn used to say some words are just loaded with so much meaning and nothing you say after that can be heard.
It’s true after firing a shotgun next to your ear, you will never be able to hear the inspiring drumming of Gavin Harrison, regardless how good the playing is.
Perry, using the word nigger for comparison regardless of reasoning is like dropping a bomb, nothing else seems to matter after that. It has tarnished the message and so distracting from the wonderful message you are trying to get across.
Joe Kennedy Sr (JFK’s dad) had a wonderful saying. “If it’s not necessary to say something then it’s necessary not to say it.”
In this case nigger does not add any value to the post, there were many so many other ways you could have said it.
Still a fan too!
Awesome stuff.You are blessed and such a blessing. Happy Fathers Day Perry.
Perry, You always hit things head on…I appreciate your commentary and agree completely…we all need to support the Million Man March…..
Hi Perry,
Thanks for that post. I’m really glad I subscribed to your stuff. You’re one of the best. Even though I’m always busy and can’t always read your emails right away, I just can’t delete them w/o reading them later. There’s always good stuff inside. You’re teaching me a lot. And thanks for not putting a big fat affiliate link in EVERY message like most marketers do. You’re showing a lot of respect for your audience…
God bless you & your family, Randy Hoese
I absolutely had to comment on this as well.
As a guy who works hard to provide for his family, I was working a full-time job – 8-9hrs/day, come home and continue working another 5-6 hrs on building up my own business (which I have now been able to do full-time!), I was working my ass off, getting maybe 4-5 hrs sleep and having to get up every morning to do it again until things lifted off.
I even had to slip in some time to wash the dishes!
Not only did I didn’t get any appreciation for it, I was getting slack for it at the time. It was frustrating.
Luckily, it’s better now, but after reading your post, I definitely have to say, stop beating up on guys.
I never disrespect women or anyone else, I don’t expect the same. I still open doors for others, let ladies go first, etc, etc. I don’t like being lumped in with a group and being called a pig just for being a guy. That’s just not fair to the rest of us 90% of guys who aren’t anything like that.
So Perry, I thank you for writing this post. Keep it coming.
Perry, we love you and know the purity of your heart. Without disrespecting any of the honest opinions of others on your choice of wording, for those of us who know you and your work with inner city African-Americans there in Chicago, as well as your very close friendship with David Bullock, not to mention your hands-on experiences with orphanages in Africa, we know where you truly stand on this issue and that it was by no means intended to come across in the wrong way.
A wise lady once said that what we hope our friends will do is, “separate the wheat from the chaff and, with the breath of kindness, blow the chaff away.” I think this is one of those times where a friend would do well to “blow the chaff away”.
All the best,
Tyson
P.S. Happy Father’s Day!
I do have to admit I gasped for air when I saw the “N” word in this post. You don’t have to go back to the 1930′s. The 1970′s in the Dirty South declared that word and the actions around the use of it as nothing less that murderous.
I do agree with you Perry that young African Americans today use this word in ways that it should never be used.
I will definitely cut you some slack. I believe you meant no harm. Do you really think those two statements have the same level or slander?
As you can tell…racism is still more offensive than sexism in some circles. Both are terrible nonetheless.
Very good post overall as always Perry.
This one will throw at least some your African American customers and subscribers off-track for a little while. It’s still a hot button.
Perry – I feel a rant of my own coming on….I couldn’t agree more with you. My dad is fricken Awesome, and fortunately my close family (that’s my brother and my mum) appreciate him very much.
When I was growing up he worked really hard to provide for us, and still had energy (most evenings) to be a great dad. That’s the best gift anyone could have.
to all the dads out there – much appreciation.
Hey Perry,
Happy Fathers Day…a day late.
Thank you for giving us a glimpse of your spirituality.
Why I think feminists and the liberal media try to down grade men is the fact that men are created in Gods image and its a blatant rebellion against God. God did create man first and then a helpmate to be at his side.
Hi Perry
I read all your posts and this one especially hit a cord. I live in england and wrote many years ago a review about your messages, which I was pleased to see came to light a few weeks ago in your testimonials. Pleased because when I saw it I felt that must have been good copy that you….Perry Marshall…wanted to use and still use.
I think that since then I’ve suffered writers block!
Back to this mail; it was the part about ‘struggling entrepreneur’ that made me stop and think. I am at that point in my life; been through a number of jobs been successful in some and not so in others. So too my relationships. I think private hurt sums the situation up perfectly. I have always been able to make a living, been able to provide and have 2 fine kids to be proud of. Now however just can’t seem to get it right, I want, even need to get the success I desire from a business I have a true passion for… to help people get out of debt. But it is very true that sometimes even your best efforts just arn’t good enough and I believe that I am not alone. This though makes Fathers Day all the more important to myself as I still get the thanks from my children for what I did for them in the past. I too give thanks to my Father who gave up so much for his children whilst alive.
One final thought. My daughters friend’s father didn’t see Fathers day this year. He died the week before. The family hurt from the way in which he died, but with Gods help will surely come to terms with the fact that during his life with them HE always provided and their lives were blessed from knowing him
Thank you Perry
Great message Perry – and thanks I had a great Father’s day from my daughters (despite two of them being a bit ill at present) and wife.
One thing I don’t understand – if your kids “Berenstain Bears” books have the wrong message why have they got them? Aren’t these things the things that teach them about the world at a sensitive age and affect their values?
Mark, we’ve pointed out the message the Berenstain bears book has in it and now they notice. We don’t shield our kids, we educate them. As long as they notice, it’s Ok.
Thanks, Perry… nicely done.
I find value in all of your newsletters and today was no exception. You continue to inspire me and I look forward to sharing my success story with you shortly.
I love it. That’s all I will say. Great Rant.
Just read your email – made me stop in my tracks. My office is quiet now. And for a brief moment in the midst of my entrepreneurial chaos, I feel validated by someobdy who understands what it’s like.
Thank you for writing this – It’s going to get printed and put on my bulletin board for future referance/inspiration.
Husband/Soon-To-Be-Father,
-Justin
Thank you Perry, even i am not a father, i feel i am not contibuting enought for the ones i love trying to be an entrepreneurship, thanks a zillion for your words
Perry,
I’m glad to see I’m not the only one with a problem with the Berenstein Bears books. I wond up refusing to buy my daughter any more of them.
regards,
John B
Greetings from the UK where dad’s feel the same. Thanks for putting it into words – I was strangely moved
great post. But using the “n” word. thats a bit much. Come on Perry.
All the fuss about you using the “n-word” is ridiculous. In the context you used it: “How is that any less insulting than, say, calling someone a nigger?” it was entirely appropriate.
Furthermore, I personally feel it is no worse than calling women by the “c-word” (damn I hate that one) or black people calling whites by the “h-word” (I have a friend who worked for years at McDonald Douglas and was subjected to it daily.)
All those words and may others are used in a certain context to insult someone. In the context you used it, it wasn’t. So get over it, people!
All this political correctness BS is stifling, and I think some people are just looking for a reason to feel slighted. How about you get real, and only take offense when you know offense is intended?
Again, this was a great post, and you said some things that needed to be said. All the hard-working Dads and Husbands in the world should say thanks to you for speaking their minds.
I totally agree with you, well put.
“The fact that he IS necessary, and that people DO depend on him in a very real way, is actually the source of his greatest pride. It’s inseparable from his identity: At his core, he understands himself as the #1 defender and provider of those whom he loves.”
You’re triply tortured as an entrepreneur: you feel the constant burn inside to live to your potential, you can’t spend the time with your family that you want to (at least at first), and along the way you fail.
And when you fail, or you fall short of your manly expectations for providing… man, your paragraph above illustrates how you pride is wounded.
Thanks for giving me inspiration to continue the battle.
Perry,
Wow. Somebody finally said it. Single Dad here, 4 kids who live with me, one with a host of medical issues – I work my a** off, am a struggling entrepreneur, and still get a hard time for not giving up on having my own business, or if I take a couple days for myself, which I do about 3x’s a year. Your words are a comfort that my 16 yr.old daughter really needs to read:)! Thanks for honoring us Perry.
Perry,
I wandered in here after reading Michel Forten’s blog post that lead me to your rant about “licking the boots.” Right on man.
I love your emails and posts.
About Father’s Day…
My father left an indelible mark on my life with his simple and profound statements. I owe an enormous debt of gratitude to him for having shaped the values that have propelled me into my adulthood.
Those same values now live through my children all the more as I have had the great honor and privilege of homeschooling my three boys (one of which is now my business partner.)
My parents pretty much cheered me on when I made that decision some fifteen years ago (my mom was a public school teacher at that time, by the way.)
I have been enormously blessed with a patient loving husband that has passed on a legacy of humility and wisdom to my three boys.
It’s often said that women marry a man like their father.
I would say that is true in my case. I was able to spot a man of character a mile way when I met my husband 27 years ago. (Hard to believe it’s been that long.) (-:
I’ve been enormously blessed with an amazing father, amazing husband and three amazing sons.
I couldn’t ask for more.
Ann Sieg
Ann,
I think 99% of the people in the world truly underestimate the power of a great father. Everybody knows the mantra about kids’ future prospects being proportional to their “socio-economic status.” The untold story is – the REAL success factor is the presence and involvement of a strong loving Father. John Eldredge’s superb book “Wild At Heart” addresses this in a most eloquent way.
Congrats on having great men in your life, may the legacy live on.
Perry
Always enjoy your sane, rationale and helpful take on things Perry. And “good-onya” for speaking out where others won’t.
I appreciate you – and we don’t tell people that often enough. (And you keep listening to that “still small voice” – what would we do without that Dad of dads.)
From one dad to another, in-time but out-of-season (we celebrate Father’s Day in September in Australia), here’s a big cyber-manly-hug in appreciation.
Thank you.
And a cyber man-hug back. Man-rant turns into a hug. What a strange world it is…
You know, I think this is the reason that the show “The Simpsons!” gives me the creeps. All the men are idiots in that show, especially Homer. Our society should honor good men and fathers more, especially if we want more of them.
I disagree with your take on the “A woman needs a man like fish needs a bicyle” slogan. Like you said, it’s a feminist slogan born during a time when the ONLY way a woman could be deemed sucessful is if she married and had children. Sadly, there are still plenty of females who base their entire self worth on their ability to attract men.
Anyway, a blessed and Happy Fathers Day to all the smart, hardworking, and caring men out there. We need you!
“Our society should honor good men and fathers more, especially if we want more of them.”
Now THAT is a quotable quote!
I’m gonna kick off with that on today’s interview —- Christian Entrepreneur online radio interviews me today: Purging mental garbage http://tobtr.com/s/1095149
All I can say Perry is… PERFECT. Consider this posted and shared.
Great points as usual Perry.
You might be interested in seeing what someone like Donald MIller (author of Blue Like Jazz) is doing to try and help combat the dearth of quality fathers in the US through his organization The Mentoring Project – http://www.thementoringproject.org/
Keep it up.
Miller’s books are great!
My dad, Hal Henson (passed away Nov, 2004), was a great dad. I was 33 when he passed and I still miss him to this day. My dad showed me unconditional love and he prepared me in the best way he could for this life. Of course there were shaky moments in our relationship here and there, but that’s to be expected. You’ll appreciate this: he coerced me into getting an undergrad in electrical engineering. I worked as an engineer for almost 9 years, but I’ve reaped so much benefit from getting that degree (despite, or maybe because of, all the blood, sweat and tears that went into it) and he was there to cheer me on when I thought I couldn’t go on anymore. Thanks Perry for sticking up for the dads out there. And thanks dad for always being there for me!
As far as men being painted as fools or being the providers, this is as ludicrous as saying women are cooks and homemakers. We are all what we are, and those who poke fun at everyone for a living use whatever stereotypes they can find. We, who work on understanding the value of ourselves and our fellow human beings, bow to those calling names and get an extra opportunity to honor our fellow humans. I put a picture of my dad, who has been gone for 47 1/2 years, on my website. Go, Dad!
One of my favorite movies is “The Contender,” with Joan Allen and Jeff Bridges. Joan is up for a Vice Presidential nomination and the investigators have just accused her of having an orgy in college. She does not feel the need to respond. Go Joan’s character!
Great to show honor. Not necessary to think that putrid comments need response. Happy Father’s Day to all.
Hi Perry, I think the comments about men being dumb are just pure fun and humour, everyone knows they’re not really true. However, women have had hundreds of years made to feel like second class citizens and inferior to men. In the UK women are the butt of the jokes – women’s driving, mother-in-laws etc. It is all just taken in good humour.
Amen to that Perry. Men in general are portrayed as sex-starved idiots in TV shows, news, etc. On feminist channels like WE and Lifetime, usually end up being date rapists as well. Always bugged me. Great post.
Hi Perry,
this seems to be an annual event
I have another thought on this. Whilst most wives do not appreciate all the effort their blokes put in for them, it is as well to realize that this is your man’s way of saying “I love you, truly, honestly”. It was only when I began to help out in the business that I realized what an effort he put into it all.
But most girls don’t get to realize this, so I would suggest to the guys that they show their real appreciation by the occasional bunch of flowers or something their wife really likes – believe me you will get a hundred times more in return. That way, it might dawn on them that you go out day after day and toil away at your work to support her!
To be a quality father, you need the support of a quality wife – because the quality father is nothing without his family
You think father is a thankless job, try step-father to three girls for 4 years so far. It’s rough at times and rewarding at times but when you do get that thank you for teaching the kids something about business and REAL life, at that point I am their dad and yes deserve it.
As far as help that goes perceived as hidden agenda, story of my life. Someone once told me don’t camp in someone else’s backyard. Made sense. Was reminded of it this week when a company with an affiliate program cut me off because I was using adwords to make some cash and they just didnt like adwords for some reason. Go figure. Lesson learned from the small voice and many others, move on and help when only asked for or very carefully slip messages in that help. With the girls this works wonders so I guess it will work with clients.
What an interesting and timely article. I especially appreciate the many women who have posted comments supporting the importance of the men in their lives. As for the many media messages portraying men as bumbling idiots, it certainly never stopped me from doing my best in raising my sons as a single dad. Life is not an easy proposition for most of us but we perservere not due to the acclamation of the crowd but rather because it is the right thing to do.
I hardly ever comment but I must say this was very well written, inspirational, and absolutely true. Thank you for sharing it.
Best. Post. Ever.
Thanks Perry.
Much appreciated post this Father’s Day, Perry.
As you probably remember, I grew up without mine as he left when we still small. My mother did a great job of raising us on her own and didn’t re-marry until I was 19.
So the very concept of “Father” is still a struggle for me even though I am one to two wonderful sons.
My Dad died at the ridiculously young age of 55 and I never got to know anything about him.
For those of you who still have your Dads, I am indeed envious – go and give them a big hug from me!
Happy Father’s Day One and All,
Perry, those were some of the most beautiful inspired words I’ve ever heard.
Many thanks for addressing and rebuking the negative stereotypes about us guys.
My own dear father passed away relatively young in 1990 about a month and a half before his 65th birthday, and I miss him terribly.
He always there for me, and made sure that he provided for us in the ways that you have described. Even when he was as sick as a dog, he forced himself to go to work so that we would be taken care of as sadly his employer of the time didn’t offer things like PTO for sickness recovery purposes.
He will always be remembered with love, honor, and respect.
Keep on telling it like it is!
Warmest Regards and Best Wishes,
FJT
Perry,
Your writings are a huge inspiration to me. I have turned into a hopeful entrepreneur since I have started reading your stuff.
May God bless you and let you continue help people around the world.
Thanks
Khaqan
Hi Perry,
The pressures are not something everyone can understand. It’s good to hear from someone’s that’s been there.
Mike
Perry, Happy Father’s Day to you! Your comments moved me, especially the reference to our Heavenly Father’s deep understanding of getting the short end of stick Himself. This should humble each of us and bring us joy knowing that we are counted worthy to walk the same path as our Lord. God bless you, your family and your ministry. ~ Jas
Perry, gr8 post. Long overdue that someone countered the Hollywood-inspired nonsense of the doofus dad. Men are simple creatures, yes (certainly in comparison with women) but should still be accorded the kind of respect you say. More strength to your arm, man
Thank you. The not-so-obvious discrimination against fathers in our society needs to be exposed. Again, thank you.
I’m a little less insulted by the “common” portrayal you strongly oppose. I’m 50 and over the years, and well before the age of 30, I’ve come to realize that men can be such total pigs. Violent, degrading, less than reliable (at home) and many other things throughout history that at times I’m a little ashamed to be a man. Personally, I’m not afraid to admit, I’d be totally lost in this world if not for the woman I was blessed to have love me for who I am.
Her two previous husbands were jerks, hit her, their daughters, and made their lives miserable. They are not alone in this behavior. Yeah men are “complex” they want to have sex with everything, some dead or alive, they want to be “King” and they will step on anybody to get those things! Yeah, a lot of us are just plain loving, hard-working and less than mature in our efforts. However, I’ve always believed that media is an expression of reality more than fiction.
God Bless the Women. I love em for not getting rid of us already. Thanks for the essay and the opportunity to “rant” back.
Happy Father’s Day to those who deserve it. Just remember, anyone with a penis can be a father, it takes a whole lot more to be a DAD!
Perry very well said. I remember years ago a teammate in College shared that we are suffering from a crisis of male leadership in this Country. Never been more true than today. Your post expands on this. Very very well said.
Personally, for myself I work with young kids Coaching youth football. This will be my 9th year.
I learned in the first month of my first season,that this is much more than the game. We indeed are mentoring young boys into men.
And as such that makes sense. Until I realized that many of these young boys do not have Fathers. I encourage all men to share your talents not just at home. But with our children. In order to do that you first must get straight with your own values and beliefs. And then share this with our youth.
They need to know that Men care.
~Tim
Wow, white men are finally having to deal with stereotypes and mistreatment that the rest of us (e.g. women, homosexuals, and people of any other ethnic group) have had to deal with for centuries.
Welcome to our world.
WOW Perry,
I have read your post several times – it has really blown me away.
This section especially:
“Now if you are a man and an entrepreneur then you sometimes have TWO thankless jobs not one. Jobs which are often directly at odds with each other.
And… if you’re a *struggling* entrepreneur then you have a triple whammy: The challenges of the two jobs and the tension between the two… combined with injury to your pride because you have not been able to provide as well as you dearly dream of providing.
Not many people understand how deeply that moves you sometimes. It’s a private hurt, for the most part.
Please remember, it is a hurt that comes from the noblest of intentions and the highest of aspirations.
Sometimes men and entrepreneurs alike are judged by other people as just being selfish.
Sometimes our best efforts to give are misconstrued as attempts to take.
All men struggle with this. You and me both. You’re not alone.”
Thank you for saying that out loud for all of us! Yes, it feels as though we toil and struggle all alone and then have it misunderstood.
I did not have a relationship with my father and have tried to be a good father. I have made my share of mistakes but like you said, I get up every day and do what I have to do(in many ways).
Thank you so much, again, for saying it – I think we all feel that we are alone in what we feel and it really is a silent thing. The part about how what we do is mistaken for being selfish really hit me – boy have I been made to feel that.
I am glad that others feel it (I am not alone) but I am not glad that we all have to feel it in the first place.
Perry, and everyone else here, I wish you a very happy Father’s day. Thank you.
Wayne
Perry,
One of your best ‘rants’ that I’ve ever read. It shines the light on a epidemic that is subtly introduced to society in a ‘funny’ method. But it’s not that funny. It’s obvious in today’s world that there’s less respect for men and authority. The media makes men look like a joke, and the ones that do stand up and try to lead… well someone usually finds something to criticize about that too. Your statement about being a father and (struggling)entreprenuer really hit home. But I’m not quitting. There are still MEN like you, me and I’m assuming most of the ones that had the balls to respond to this post, that know what our jobs and responsibilities are… and we will stop at NOTHING!
Happy Father’s Day Perry,
Commenting as a woman and a mother, yes, I do get tired of men being portrayed as eternally stupid, usually when it comes to household duties, which still mostly is the woman’s domain. I would be just as stupid looking at an engine block and wondering where I put the car key. And I don’t know how to cut grass, never had to do it.
As one woman commented, women have endured negative portrayals for years, but is turnabout really fair play? What does it accomplish?
My husband has been unemployed for a long time and has taken up the household duties quite nicely, and without complaining. He just does what needs to be done.
We should all just give credit due to whomever it belongs to and appreciate them, men or women!
Christine,
You said it all, when you said this… ‘but is turnabout really fair play? What does it accomplish?’
If we ALL just do what needs to be done for the betterment of OUR lives the world would be almost perfect. It’s not about getting even or revenge or even being fair. It’s about making life better for everyone. Sounds easy doesn’t it?
Fathers Day for me was a double celebration since my birthday was two days ago. I got four tickets to the Cirque du Soeil, Totem show under the big tent for my girlfriend, my 14 year old son and my 19 year old daughter.
At the last minute, my son who was dragging out getting ready, decides that he does not want to go. My son, who skips school, does poorly in school says he is going to study and do homework. (On a beautiful day when he has played computer video games is hard to believe he is going to study.
Anyhow we have to rush now because we are late. On the way there I am fuming and talking about the problems with my son, his attitude …. The show was amazing, my daughter delightful. She is going to take me out to the restaurant of my choice when she starts her new job in two weeks.
My girlfriend has her hair styled more beautiful than I have ever seen her before. She looks gorgeous.
When I get home, my some has three pages of homework printed out much to my surprise. This might be the best Fathers Day present I get.
Wow that was deep. I hardly ever comment on blogs but I have to for this one.
This was right on time. I believe that men are always seen to be stupid in the media or any type of gathering.
It’s very insulting.
I was in church today on which is Father’s day and the Bishop made a comment about men that I believed was really just stupid and wrong.
He said MOST MEN don’t listen they just yell. I’m an economics major so this really insulted me because I know he doesn’t know MOST MEN.
Before I studied marketing I used to wonder why the media or influential people used to degrade men so much as being stupid and ridiculing men for who they are.
But then I learned why. It’s because of their market. They know the majority of their market is women. Sometimes very bitter and single women who have been hurt by men; and that’s the way to get the women’s attention. Unfortunately, quite often the women end up getting used as well by the same people who ridicule the men.
It’s really heart touching to know that we are still appreciated for our hard and selfless work!
Amen Perry. I’ve long lamented that culutural feminism has swung the pendulum far past equality and on into punishment.
Sure, lots of men are oafish, stupid, lazy boors…just as lots of women are conniving, insecure, harpies (I don’t know that I’ve ever used that word in a sentence before!)- yet to paint the whole of the sex based on the qualities of a part of that sex is unjust…even 4 year olds know that.
One distasteful ad from a few years ago was for a car ad where the husband is driving in and the wife is sullenly furious…to which the husband snivels “I’m sorry…are you still mad at me?” Of course we’re shown that she was still going to punish this poor Milquetoast for quite some time.
Could you imagine the furor if they reversed the roles and had the wife grovelling for her husband’s forgiveness?! Bah!
I’m raising my sons to understand all that’s good and right about being a Man:
Strength doesn’t mean oppression.
Self-sufficiency isn’t about being un-cooperative.
Toughness isn’t about combat.
Protection isn’t about fear.
Providing isn’t about lack.
Responsibilty isn’t about guilt.
Leading isn’t about following.
and about a million more…
Perry, God bless you for writing something that was positive and uplifting. We hear way too much of the negative put-downs that ‘sometimes are deserved’ but don’t produce anything good. Yes, 98% of the men that I know are trying to do their best to accomplish what they feel they are suppose to do and almost all of them feel inadequate and need the positive uplifting like you gave us today. – Thank you!
As I read the post, it really hit home since this is the everyday experience of Black Americans – and then you used the “N” word.
Hi Perry,
I am a wife and mother of 6, I also work outside the home. I could not do what I do without the rock that is my husband. I am sick of hearing women put their men down. While they have options, men are expected to ‘do the right thing’ and go to work and support their families. It is expected and not admired as a sacrifice of what they may wish to do with their lives. Thank you to all the men out there, for being the wonderful people that you are. You deserve to be told everyday how much you do for your families.
My wife and I noticed this same prevailing attitude.
First time it happened is when we were planning our wedding. Our experience of the whole custom of planning a wedding seemed to be to marginalize the man. My dad described it as, “just tell me what to wear and when to show up.” Vendors, in-laws, clergy/officiants all seemed bent on segregating my wife and swaying her decision.
Sadly, for them, I had as much input on the vision for our wedding as my wife did. We had a message we wanted to convey. We saw our wedding as our opportunity to speak and share our vision of family. So, with great friction with that cultural vision. I was heavily engaged.
Fast forward to having a baby. Same thing. The culture of having a baby also sought to marginalize me, the father and husband. In their experience, my role was, “Sperm-donor.”
And just like the poor saps who tried to diminish my role in my own wedding. Those poor folks who thought a husband/father’s place is on the couch OUTSIDE, were forced to tolerate my engagement as well.
Sure this isn’t the 1950s and Men are more welcome in the wedding planning and birthing room, but the echoes of that position are very much present.
To all those dads out there . . .
Happy Fathers Day!
At a very young age I found the term to be offensive and highly insulting. Yes, there are lots of ignorant Black Americans who use the word, they also wear their pants below their underwear and think guns solve problems. These are the people who garner most of the media attention. In my circle of friends, the word is not used.
Happy Father’s Day to you and all the Dads. I was blessed to have a wonderful Father, four fabulous brothers, uncles and many many male friends. I think men are one of Gods Greatest Gifts to the world.
Great topic and so appropriate. We all want to “matter” and it isn’t gender connected. The reality is we are all connected as human beings and recognizing the brilliance in each of us is where we should focus. My Dad is 94 and my Mom is 91. I am blessed beyond measure to still have both parents. (Married 72 years)
Loved the part about listening and being still. We need more “being” and less “doing”.
Anita
Hey Perry,
Happy Fathers Day to you too, my brother in Christ.
That was an awesome post. Thanks for taking the time to write it all out, an for acknowledging us fathers and giving the credit and respect that is so well deserved.
Have an Awesome Fathers Day,
Ron
I’ve been saying the same thing about how fathers are seen in our culture, but I think you’ve expressed it more powerfully than I ever could have.
In fact, I teared up a little while reading your words.
Thanks for your bold stand in defense of dads…and of truth.
My dad was a pioneer “stay-at-home-dude,” by choice. He’s the hardest worker you’ll ever meet and I know he struggled with his role a bit, but I hope he’ll someday understand just how much value he truly added to our family. (I tell him every chance I get, but he thinks I’m “just saying it to be nice.”) I couldn’t put into words how much I valued always having him around, especially when I was in high school.
He’s now set the stage for my husband and brother who both became SAHDs this year so my sis-in-law and I could pursue our e-neur dreams. They work VERY hard to support us…in non-traditional ways.
I’ve ALWAYS felt I was blessed to know a lot of wonderful men in my life…from my grandfathers, father, brothers, cousins, uncles, high school & college friends (one of whom became my husband), and now my Roundtable colleagues…they are ALL gentlemen of the highest order!
Nice post, Perry.
Your post resonated with me because of it’s truth on multiple levels. It’s so refreshing to be validated as a father and provider — it rarely happens in our society now. Thank you!
Your comparison of men being torn down in media to the use of the “N” word is so completely ridiculous, and I’m surprised you’re not being completely flamed here for it. While I agree with you that the male gender is largely demonized in the media as being predators, and for being responsible for so many of society’s ailments, I cannot agree with your use of that word, a word which represents so many years of hate and oppression. Yes, men get the short end of the stick in so many ways, but let’s not forget that we have so many opportunities available to us, and we are largely made fun of in much the same way that others in positions of power are routinely made fun of.
You are one of the few marketers that actually send email without sales offers or sales links in them. This makes you outstanding in my opinion. It also makes me trust you. But why I really trust you is I agree with what you make a stand on. Like today’s Fathers day post.
Glad to know you! Thanks for sharing not selling.
Living by Biblical principles is sooooo Great!
Big hugs from one of your fans.
Roxanna
Partially i agree with you according the the statements
you have given of your dad and cartoon, funnily enough
the cartoon must have been interesting if it were my
wish horses then you would better post it on your for
us to see especially me, you talked about Dads day!!!!
HI to dad say with lack as you enjoy the days!!
Perry,
Hear, hear !! it is the same over here in UK.
BWs and Happy Father’s Day for yesterday to all
BWs
James
Thanks for setting the record straight Perry. I lost my Dad in ’82 and have had to make my way by imagining what advice my Dad would be giving me if he was still here. I try to live my life remembering the stuff he taught me, and so far (29 years later) I think he’d be proud of me.
So, thanks again Perry and Happy Fathers Day to you.
Great job, Perry. You said what I was thinking.
Perry, this is SO TIMELY, no seriously it is. It says so much of what I can’t say right now because I still have a lot garbage I’m dealing with. I’ve been meaning to ask you again and this post is SO TIMELY to ask, can you tell me what the christian counseling meetings you went to? I’m seeking a lot of answers right now. Thanks.
Oh, one other thing regarding the N word. It takes guts to say it like it is. I think that’s part of many problems we face, or rather don’t face until it’s too late. From time to time we all need to be rattled out of our comfort zones and mental boxes we build. I’m trying to avoid the it’s too late factor. I’m worth something. We all are because we were created for a purpose. Too many times we as fathers and entrepreneurs get caught up in a perfect storm of criticism and need some help navigating it. Thanks again. I must go now because I need to forward this to someone else. Thanks.
Edwin,
Best counseling resources I have found: Bethel Sozo created in Redding CA (many churches are using it around the world) and Theophostic Prayer. Excellent and effective.
Perry
A note to everyone about my use of the “N Word”:
As you can see, some people heartily agree. Other people think I went too far.
Those who think I went too far have a made point. You may also have missed mine. Which is:
NO ONE should consider it acceptable for anyone to say “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” Or “men are pigs.” Or any of that other trash-talk. It’s hatred. It’s prejudice. It devalues human beings.
The N Word devalues human beings to the point where some people feel I should not even be allowed to use it – even when I’m making a point AGAINST all hate speech.
At the end of the day I hope I’ve shocked people out of their complacency. Hatred of men, women, black people, white people, Chinese people, Jews, Mexicans or anybody else hurts ALL of us.
If you don’t like me using the N word and you’re willing to write me and tell me that (dissent is welcome here!), then do us all a favor and also write people like Gloria Steinem and tell them their hate speech is likewise unacceptable.
I agree with those that objected to the “N” word. It does not apply to this message, and is inappropriate. That being said, the message itself is valid. No one believes me when I tell them why I never have, and never will, watch “The Simpsons”.
Thanks Perry for the great FATHER’s DAY rant and HONOR. Your understanding and willingness to communicate the True needs and Essence of a Father was so refreshing. Keep up your natural and unique way of helping others ! You’re the Best ! Matthew
Perry, thanks for the info. I’ll be looking into it.
@Andy, I agree regarding the Simpsons. I hate that show.
Edwin
Perry,
Wow! Great post. I feel sorry for the guy that opted out after your last post…he missed a great one. You truly are a light in a dark world. I love you and appreciate you.
Perry, thank you for putting into words what I’ve been noticing for decades. Men are getting no respect. I do not want a world where men are not allowed to lead. It doesn’t mean that I will follow every man, but I will respect the men in my life for who there are. Our culture has been emasculating men for too long. When is it going to stop?
Everyone commenting on Perry using the word ‘nigger’ have proved his point better than he alone could have…
“The White Man’s Burden” – as they call it in comedy.
It is completely unacceptable for white males to make fun of any other group… but completely acceptable for them to be made fun of.
What bullshit.
And I wasn’t even making fun of anybody.
I only referred to the fact that ALL of us are on the receiving end of prejudice.
My Father in law sent me an email of this article on Father’s day. I have to admit that I missed the email and have read it today for the 1st time. I am learning about internet marketing, but striving to offer as much value and originality as possible and I am working hard! Perry, your message hit home to me that I am not being selfish. I am giving in the hope that I can give back to my family and to those who truly need help. I have been told several times to “give it up” and get a job. Neither is easy to do these days and my heart is fixed on internet marketing.
Thank you for validating my efforts and heart in the matter through this article.
btw. I too have noticed the father bashing that has been rampant in the media, etc. I came across this Scribd article (book) The FRANKFURT SCHOOL CULTURAL REVOLUTION By Arnaud de Lassus at, The Frankfurt School Cultural Revolution. It sheds some light on a very credible reason why fathers are “put down” in society and our media.
Mate, that was awesome. Nearly made me cry! You’re my new pastor…
What is left to say? You men are the greatest and would like to take the time to Thank You! You do work hard and are appreciated more than you know.
Perry,
Just wanted to say I 100% agree with you about your Fathers article and Fathers Day and how under rated the role is. I am new to it myself (being father of 8 week old baby and new 15yr old step son) and all of a sudden my priorities changed big time. I work my ass off for my family and I will always do so.
Dropping you a note to say “Spot on Perry”
Matt.
Fight the good fight!