Dysfunctions, Addictions & Financial Burning Bus, part 5

Parts 1234

Allow to tell you about my first experience of fixing my inner head trash.

This was about 10 years ago. I was with my friend the late Tom Hoobyar at a conference. He’s a Master Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner. I knew NLP worked because a lot of top platform presenters and sales people use it effectively to persuade – with embedded commands etc.

Take-no-prisoners sales guys don’t give a rip about theory, as long as it works. So I knew NLP wasn’t hocus-pocus.

There’s a lot of NLP people out there, and most of them aren’t nearly as good as they tell you they are. Some of them are flat out dangerous. But Tom literally wrote the book on NLP. (Actually a classic book, NLP: The Technology of Achievement was being completely re-written by him when he passed away in September, and will hit the bookstore shelves late this year.)

I explained to Tom how my oldest son Cuyler, who then was 3 years old, had this odd way of being able to push my buttons and make me angry. I knew it was irrational and it was MY problem. And I didn’t like it. I tended to get mad at him very easily. (But not either of the other two kids.) I knew it was damaging my relationship with the little guy.

Tom says, “OK Perry, describe a scene where Cuyler does something that sets you off.”

I think for a minute and say, “He walks to the refrigerator, opens it, pours himself a glass of milk. Then he drops the milk jug on the floor. It splits open and sprays milk all over the kitchen and I get MAD at him.”

Tom says, “Great. Now when do you actually feel yourself getting angry? Is it when he spills the milk, or is it some other time?”

He talks me through the scene one frame at a time. I realize I get mad just *before* he spills the milk, not after.

Tom slows down the film strip even more and asks me if I’m seeing, hearing, smelling, or feeling anything else.

This is odd. Like… what??? I don’t know what he’s talking about.

But he helps me slow down the frames in my mind even more. Suddenly I realize that at a certain moment there’s this sort of blue flash of light in my mind and it’s a flash of anger. It has a location in space. It has color and texture.

“Great!” Tom says. “Now I want you to do something for me.”

He stands up and walks across the room diagonally, from one corner to the other. He points to an invisible line on the floor and says, “This is the time line of your life. This corner is when you were born, that corner is someday when you die. Come stand here in the middle, in the present.”

I comply with his request. He says, “Now I want you to walk backwards on this line, towards the day you were born. Just as soon as you feel that feeling and see that blue flash of light, I want you stop.”

Man, this is weird. How in the world is this going to ever work? It seems silly.

I walk backwards slowly. Suddenly about halfway back, I see that blue flash of light and I feel that flash of anger.

I stop.

Tom says, “Where are you? What do you see?”

I’m laying on my bed, with a brown bedspread, the bottom bunk of my bunkbed that I share with my brother.

I’m 14 years old. I’m crying. My dad has cancer and he’s about to have his kidney taken out and he may not make through the surgery. Or they might cut him open, see cancer all over the place and sew him back up and send him home to die. I’m terribly, horribly despondent.

Wow.

“Perry, somehow you attached Cuyler’s mistakes to your grief over your dad’s cancer. That’s not only anger, it’s sadness. Every time Cuyler makes a big mistake, you relive that sad day when you were 14 years old for about 10 nanoseconds. You get angry and you don’t even know why.”

Dang. This actually makes logical sense.

“Is it OK if we fix your film strip?”

“Sure.”

He does an exercise with me where he replaces that sadness frame on the film strip with a memory of me skiing in Colorado.

After that, I don’t get nearly as mad at Cuyler anymore. The feeling wasn’t completely gone, but 75% of that anger impulse went away. Just like that.

Wow. That is cool.

NLP has hard limits to what it can accomplish; it’s not a cure-all. But surely this gives you some insight into how our minds work. There’s all kinds of stuff going on below your awareness, flashes of sounds, smells, feelings and beliefs. They only appear for nanoseconds, but they have a huge impact on your feelings and behaviors.

I sure was thankful for that 20 minute session with Tom, where he unstuck some of my gears.

My anger with Cuyler was a minor thing compared to other land mines that were buried in the soil of my soul. Later I would seek Tom’s help on bigger, thornier issues.

Stay tuned for Part 6 – cuz the plot thickens.

Perry Marshall

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Entrepreneur Magazine says: "Perry Marshall is the #1 author and world's most-quoted consultant on Google Advertising. He has helped over 100,000 advertisers save literally billions of dollars in Adwords stupidity tax."

He is referenced across the Internet and by The New York Times, The Washington Post, USA Today, the Chicago Tribune and Forbes Magazine.

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Posted by Perry on April 12th, 2012. Filed in Marketing Blog. Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Follow responses thru Comments RSS. Follow responses thru Comments RSS.

Comments on Dysfunctions, Addictions & Financial Burning Bus, part 5 »

  • Nice write up filled with insight and interesting elements !! Thanks for sharing..

  • Davey Moyers says:

    Damn, I do this with my kid. In fact, I just did it this morning! This is a major epiphany for me. Thanks!

  • Great story Perry! Thanks for sharing.

    The more I get into this stuff, the more I realise what holds us back more than anything else is our own “inner head trash” as you call it. You can learn all the marketing you want but if your mind is conflicted about success its going to be a struggle at best.

    I’ve had similar experiences with NLP – Very speedy removal of roadblocks I never even realised were there!

    “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
    Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

    Keep up the great work Perry!

    Michael

  • Leo says:

    So Perry, It wasn´t that MLM (Amway, Usana, ….) didn´t work, it was that YOU were not ready to receive any money through that or ANY othr channel. Your limiting believes were blocking you.

    But, now that you know all this, don´t you think that keep saying that mlm or any other kind of scheme “does not work” is just another lie????

    It won´t work if YOU decide, inside YOU, that YOU do not deserve any money that comes from that source.

    MLM is a scam? I don´t know, but there are people making a lot of $$$ from it.

    Affiliates schemes are extinguishing?? I don´t know, but there are a lot of affiliates making tons of $$$ out of it.

    Financial services selling stinks?, i don´t know, but I directly know people making a little fortune selling life insurance.

    It seems that you do not like “easy money”, it seems that to allow money to get into your life you have to give a lot of value first, serve the world first, and the receive.

    (hint: I have the same problem and when I read these post, i feel like if I´m reading my biography).

    Sorry, if too direct.

    ????????!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Perry says:

      Leo,

      I’m overgeneralizing, but the reason many MLM’s are scams is because their product/USP is not actually cost competitive at retail, the retail business is too inefficient to operate on its own and all the real money is in tapes books recruiting & seminars. I’ve written about this extensively on all kinds of other places on my site and you can search and find a lot of that stuff.

      Bottom line is this: If you take an entire MLM organization and add up the total income and total hours and money invested by all involved, its net income is NEGATIVE. That is seldom true of any other business.

      The symptom of this is that if you ever stop recruiting, the whole thing unravels so it requires endless recruiting. The FTC wrote about all of this in their investigation of Amway in the 1970′s.

      After some time in Amway I had sorted a lot of my head trash out, and as soon as I started applying my talents in a legitimate business, my income started going up.

  • Perry,

    This series of stories about your trash and ours is fantastic. I can’t stop reading each part, then going to the next. The way you explained your nlp experience was more clear than what I read from tony Robbins book, personal power. Thanks your sharing your inner most sh*t with us. It’s helping me clear stuff out. And I’m sure a lot of other people’s too.

    Thanks,

    Jim

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