I think I'll take Perry's most recent advice and go for a walk and try this exercise. (Note: It's going to be triple digits in a few hours, better get the walk out of the way now)

All the best,

Here's another twist from my days as a psychologist.

Most people don't realize the complexity which drives NEGATIVE thinking… that there are actually psychological forces which reinforce it with unseen gains.

Try this exercise as an example (Carol Munter, Ph.D. introduced this to Sharon and I 25 years ago)

Suppose you want to lose weight and you wake up feeling fat. Instead of the usual negative, critical self "fat talk", try this paradoxical exercise:

- Imagine yourself getting as FAT as humanly possible … as fat as you could ever in your wildest dreams imagine getting

- Now, when you can really see it, write down three things which would be REALLY GOOD about that (read this paragraph again)

- Then, imagine yourself getting to your ideal weight, and write down three things which would be REALLY BAD about that

For me, being really fat would mean…

- I could just keep eating whatever I wanted to because I was hopeless anyway (yummy brownies, milk shakes … ooooh!)

- I could wear oversized sweats and t-shirts and stop hassling with keeping my dress clothes organized, clean, and up to date

- I could more easily push people out of my way on the NYC subways (I grew up spending a LOT of time being treated like cattle in rush hour subway herds )

While being my ideal weight means …

- Having to limit my portions and exercise to STAY at my ideal weight

- Sharon would make me go shopping more (she loves to dress me, but I HATE trying on clothes!)

- Dealing more squarely with my father's envy and jealousy (Note: love my Pop, but he's impossibly competitive)

What this exercise does is point out the unseen forces which keep us all stuck in negative thinking… and it augments our ABILITY to start the day positive AND STAY THAT WAY!

Hope it helps

The gratitude notebook is an excellent idea and one that I've used for about 20 years… not always daily, but I've got stacks of old small wildly coloured from the 80's "purse size" (I used to put least one thing to make the "garlic train" subway ride bearable while in my sneakers/pantyhose bow-at-the-neck-shoulder-pads) to the studious looking notebooks that I used for gratitude instead of "ideas for great american girl novel" of the 90's, to the notebooks that were the right size and graphic fit conveniently in a diaper bag/purse/briefcase. These notebooks have saved my life… simply looking back at what I've always been appreciative and grateful for. The history too and the kept memories just by reminding yourself of good times makes you appreciate the adventures of everyday.

I am wondering if you've ever read or discussed the concept of "Appreciative Inquiry" which is an Organizational Development philosophy coined in the early 80's? There are huge volumes written on it, but the best are the "Thin Book" series. If more companies based some management development on these philosophies, there would be less corporate criminals and bullies out there with malicious intent ruining the free market for the rest of us.

It is so simple to be grateful for your life and your work and JUST WRITE "THANK YOU" for something (even when you're stuck somewhere else in life,– I've left the garlic train morning commute for one similar to yours except I stop off at the baby's room to pick up my partner…)

It is sort of like the old adage "an apple a day, keeps the doctor away" only this one goes "an appreciative note a day, keeps the life in my life coming my way. It works and it's not The Secret or some special new age "law". It just is. It just does. And I am grateful for the ability to notice the little things.

There might be so much to complain about that it is hard for most people to notice that there is exponentially more to be grateful about. I wish we could organize a "split test" on the complaint vs grateful headlines to show some true results to the fearful stuck people. Perhaps the free market would start working again??

Thank you for all of your writing. I've gotten special gems from your email and blog writing plus world-class, dynamic education from your texts.
Sincerely, Patricia Koehler