Ari Galper on the power of Dads

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Ari Galper is the creator of the zero-pressure sales philosophy “Unlock The Game.” I got this note from Ari today:

“You’ve been talking a lot about how much a son needs his dad’s re-assurance and approval to really grow up to be centered about himself, you’re so right about that. My dad was very much like that, used to lay in bed with me at night before I went to sleep and tell me he was proud of me. And now I do the same with my boys…thanks for re-awakening how important that is to give to our children.”

The more experience I accumulate, the more I see that the guys and gals who had their father’s blessing do well in life.

Guys and gals who don’t get that, often stumble through life with a chip on their shoulder. They flounder around in business and in relationships until they find someone who can be the dad they never had.

Most of our moms dote on us, but there’s an extra layer of confidence that we can only get from dads. Obviously this tells us a thing or two about our families, but there’s something else that’s also important:

BUSINESS MENTORS ARE FATHERS AND MOTHERS TOO.

That’s kind of scary, because “being in the information business” or “being a guru” or “being an authority” is so often sold based on advantages that have little to do with the responsibilities that come with it. Well yes, absolutely, there is an advantage to being an expert and getting the celebrity that comes with that.

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But people also have a real need for guidance, mentoring and care. As opposed to hit-and-run.

Tom and his wife Vikky. Photo by Richard Schwachter

Not everybody’s dad was like Ari’s dad. So they need encouragement and approval from mentors.

During the last day of my friend Tom Hoobyar’s life, numerous people called in to his hospital room. I held my speaker phone there next to his bed. I listened as they, very emotionally, told him how much his guidance had meant to them.

Tom had become their surrogate dad. Nobody asked him to, he just did it. And just like a ‘real’ dad, he was instructing them, preparing them, defending them, fighting for them. Even if they were 29 or 43 or 52 years old.

We all need dads. And most of us need to be dads to someone else.

It’s a big job.

It’s a SCARY job.

But you can’t run away from it. Cuz it’s THE job.

Seize the day.

Perry Marshall

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About the Author

Perry Marshall has launched two revolutions in sales and marketing. In Pay-Per-Click advertising, he pioneered best practices and wrote the world's best selling book on Google advertising. And he's driven the 80/20 Principle deeper than any other author, creating a new movement in business.

He is referenced across the Internet and by Harvard Business Review, The New York Times, INC and Forbes Magazine.

21 Comments on “Ari Galper on the power of Dads”

  1. I’ve been involved for that last 3 months in a Bible based study about men.

    Last week’s topic was “dad”. It looked at the affect Dad’s and in many cases lack of dad’s cause.

    I’m right there with you. Remember even more so that many you mentor in organizations had no mentoring by a real father in real life.

  2. I’ve not been reading your e-mails for like the past two months. But recently I started going to church again, in Japan, and following Jesus again, in my life. I never realized how affirming your messages really are Perry, until now. My dad has been emotionally unavailable for most of my life. He was almost never my role model. Fortunately I have a Father who is always there, always telling me he is proud of me, defending me, protecting me, and giving me good advice.

  3. My hero is my dad. We were dirt poor but somehow he managed to provide food, shelter, clothing and a good education for us. I never realized (until I got older) how hard he worked so that we could become successful. I, my brothers and sister were very fortunate to have him as a father. Many others were not as lucky as we were.

    Thanks for reminding us what really matters.
    Paul

  4. Thank you for this post. Good traditions of father(s) provided example for me to keep involved with my kids resulting in a great pay-off and source of hope these past few years of unexpected challenges. Never give up!

  5. .. i remember the moment I heard that ‘we’ were pregnant for the first time. There was a flood of emotion, fear and excitement all at once. Ten years, and 3 healthy boys later, I can’t imagine life without my boys.

    I say there are two types of people in the world … parents AND non-parents. It IS black and white. Kids allow you to see the world from outside of yourself. And it’s the ultimate gift of humanity. You don’t see the world in the same way when there’s a little part of you alive :)

    The instant you’re a Dad – your self-absorbed world shifts. And here’s the challenge … balancing being and enjoying your kids AND keeping your own dreams and aspirations on track.

    It’s a juggle for sure.

    But one I wouldnt trade for anything … well … perhaps at 6am on Sunday mornings when the boys invade the bed :)

  6. My Dad split unanounced when I was 10 years old, the one way he connected to my sister and i was he sent christmas presents in the cab on christmas day. on christmas when i was 13, the cab didnt show and i knew i was alone from then on. i did what some posts suggested, desperately latching onto to grand parents, gym teachers, dads of pals, anyone who i could drain for a tiny bit of male energy. the father and son banquets for sports were particularly tough.

    as the ceo of a small internet marketing company told me i had some kind of dad energy going. he is 10 years my senior. i didnt understand his comment, but maybe do a bit more now. i always try for a pat on the back, catching my team doing something right, maybe instinctive knowing thats what i didnt get and how much i hated that. i also see it as a ‘do over ‘ with my kids, never letting that happen to them what happened to me.

    anyway, good post, brought back some memories and crystallized some new thoughts for me to ponder, thanks…gregg

  7. Fathers (and teachers) affect eternity …

    My Dad had a tough upbringing in the Smoky Mountains of North Carolina … Then World War II shattered his nerves … To say he was stoic is an understatement – I never once saw him flinch … He never pulled back … He could not share emotions but he was always at home and I knew he loved me … Only once did he put his arm around me when my dog died, and only once did he openly brag on me … But he always greeted me with a simple more-than-firm handshake … Me and my Dad were fine and he did what he could do for his son to give me a good start …

    I agree totally, re-assurance from my Dad changed how I raised 3 well-balanced girls and kept myself grounded … Fathers affect eternity … Sadly, I have friends who didn’t get right with their Dads – and now it’s too late …

  8. Perry, very interesting. I know that your message here was more about business but it came to me today as I was struggling. My wife recently left and right now she has the kids most of the time. Amid all the turmoil and emotions at this time is the struggle I have to identify my role as a father to the kids. I’ve always spent time with them but now without our family structure intact, I’m having a hard time. Your article reminded me how important I really am to my daughters and son. Thanks

    1. Jonathan, I’ve been divorced 1 year this month, and the reality is that my dreams of giving my kids the family I never had, were lost.

      Or at least that’s what I thought.

      Coming from a “broken home” myself, my idea of divorce was death, destruction, and endless sorrow.

      But as a Christian, I realized I can still give my kids the family I never had.

      I teach them the Truth of God’s Word. I lead them by example. I teach them. I encourage them. I love them. I instill the values and morals and principles into their life…all things I didn’t have as a kid.

      Jonathan, I’m hopeful your marriage will be restored, but no matter what, you are still a Dad!

      Your kids need you now more than ever!

      Best,

      Justin

  9. Excellent. I grew up as an emotional wreck as well, and made it to solid. Takes time, discipline and role models. But mostly a willingness to grow and move forward…something that sadly is missing and scares too many…Rob

  10. Hi Perry,

    Thank you for that article and for that photo of Tom & Vikky. He was a genuinely kind and loving man – and his family has indeed inherited that gene.

    Robin

  11. Resonate with that. It took me quit a while to grow from emotional wreck to solid as a wrecking ball. I do believe i ended up a wreck first place from the amount of respect people paid me, which was close to nothing.
    I mean look at all those teenagers out there throwing their life away, and ask yourself “Did anybody respectable ever show them any respect?”. Proably not.

  12. Perry, thanks for this excellent post. I believe it will resonate with many people. We all need to be sensitive to the fatherhood approval issue, whether we are in need of such mentoring or have the willingness and ability to mentor others.

    By the way, your description of Tom Hoobyar was touching. Tom definitely left a legacy that his family can be proud of.

    Chris Ryan

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