The Head vs. the Heart

Nick Neilson says:

Hey Perry,

Thought provoking post – as usual.

I’ve found it takes a certain amount of experience to get you inner sissy on – a.k.a. owning up to the fact that being a human is at times crushingly painful… and that in the midst of those times, instead of being comforted, I’m often forced stare down the shallowness of my faith and see if I’m brave enough to stick in it while things get “deep.”

You know those times when someone does something selfish and some really important and delicate part of your life gets smashed and rubbed in the dirt?

You know those times when you do something selfish and some delicate part of someone else’s life gets rubbed in the dirt – and no amount of apology is going to make it okay… because for so many reasons… it’s just not okay?

You know when that someone who does something bad to you seems like it’s God, or fate, or randomness, and the how the heck can God let randomness take away those you love, or let your heart get torn… how can he ask you to ache so much and expect you to be happy…. and on top of all this – I’m supposed to go around being an example and helping people???

Those are the times in my life where my testimony of Christ and my appreciation for his atonement have been forged.

As a practicing Latter Day Saint (a.k.a. Mormon) the theology of Christ’s atonement for me has certain differences than traditional Christianity – regardless it still meets head on the thorny issues of universal human conditions.

LDS theology on the atonement focuses much more on Christ’s suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane than it does his suffering on the cross.

LDS scripture teaches that it was in the garden that he suffered not only the demands of justice for our sins, but also endured all of the accompanying pains of humanity… “that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.”

There’s the rub right? Because for in my life, in those moments, Christ rarely gives me what I want. The New Testament is full of examples of people expecting him to save them and HE in turn exhorts them to save themselves by doing things they really don’t feel like doing. But knowing that he is the only person who truly understands the depth of your feelings… it’s pointless to argue.

In that vein, some of the most moving of all LDS scripture – and words that I turn to over and over in times of pain and sorrow – come from the writings of Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail in March of 1839.

Joseph and several friends had been imprisoned in the basement of the jail with no lights or heart source since December. After 3 and a half months of enduring a freezing Missouri winter in a dank jail with bad food and terrible treatment, he goes off – and in modern terms ask the Lord, “What’s up with this?”

Here’s Joseph’s Plea to Christ as recorded in the LDS book of Doctrine & Covenents: (abbreviated in spots)

“O God, where art thou? How long shall we suffer these wrongs and unlawful oppressions, before thine heart shall be softened toward us, and thy bowels be moved with compassion?

Let thine anger be kindled against our enemies; and, in the fury of thine heart, with thy sword avenge us of our wrongs.”

Here is Christ’s Response: (A familiar tone to the answers I often get when I “go off” ot the Lord.)

“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.

Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.

And they who do charge thee with transgression, their hope shall be blasted, and their prospects shall melt away as the hoar frost melteth before the burning rays of the rising sun;”

Comment: At this point I’d be saying “Oh Good. Is it possible to have all that happen in the next 15 minutes or so?” – But instead the Lord tests the depths of this deep water.)

“And if thou art called to pass through tribulation; if thou art in perils among false brethren; if thou art in perils among robbers; if thou art in perils by land or by sea;

And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.

Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.

The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and WITHOUT COMPULSORY MEANS IT SHALL FLOW UNTO THEE FOREVER AND EVER.”

After the dozens and dozens of times I’ve read that, I think that’s truly what we all want… at least it’s what I want – an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth with an everlasting dominion that flows forever and ever and does it without compulsory means.

That’s weird language I admit, but to me it’s always encompassed the truth of life.

We want to be more than happy pawns… we want to stick our hands in the dirt and make something, figure out how something works, be the part of something great , effect something, learn the principles upon which things are based and use them to create and effect and make things better.

As I kid I didn’t want to just sit around and be in awe of my Dad… I wanted to learn how to be like him. To know what he knew and be able to do what he did.

So, much of what we learn in life is just “compulsary means” and its usefulness and power inevitably finds its end. Here’s to my faith and hope that through the Lord, we all have the opportunity to find and dive in to the flow of thought, spirit, and knowledge that flows forever and ever.

As always, thanks for the post and thanks for the forum.

Nick