I had this Irish Catholic friend once, I told her this joke:

Q: What’s Irish amnesia?

A: When all you can remember is your grudges.

This did not elicit the chuckle that I expected.

She got MAD.

(I bet she still remembers me telling her that joke.)

Have you ever relished the comfort of nursing a grudge? Oooh, the sweet narcissistic self pity, slowly rolling it around in your mind, returning to it like your tongue goes to an empty space in your gum where a tooth used to be. Massaging that spot, tasting the blood…

Doesn’t it feel so good to imagine getting even? That delicious day when the person who hurt you is suddenly hanging from his fingernails begging for mercy, you see the fear in his eyes… the tables turn and you get to be god and decide his fate….

And the hatred slowly kills you from the inside.

(What person’s face appears in your mind as I describe this?)

I think there are two kinds of forgiveness situations:

1. The person who wronged you humbly apologizes. I don’t know about you but it’s not usually all that hard for me to forgive that person. I anticipate the reconciliation.

2.  The person who wronged you does not apologize.

For me, that’s the one I fight with. It’s made more dicey by the fact that ultimately even God does not forgive an unrepentant sinner.

Many times I have thought, “If God doesn’t forgive them how come I have to?”

Which always brings me to Deuteronomy 32:35 where God says:

“Vengeance is mine; I will repay.
In due time their foot will slip;
their day of disaster is near
and their doom rushes upon them.”

We don’t hold the unrepentant in the same place as we hold those who ask for forgiveness. But we still extend grace, just as God does. He doesn’t hate them, he still loves. He hasn’t gotten even either, as the door still stands wide open for them to come to Him. So must it be with us.

2 Peter 3:9 “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

We get to choose not to take it upon ourselves. I don’t need that burden. God can carry this one.

Lay the burden down. It’s in His hands.

Perry Marshall