Your Golden Opportunity to Receive the Success Inspiration You’ve Always Dreamed Of… From The One And Only Thing That ALWAYS Delivers…
You Are Invited to Download Success Ideas from the Very Universe Itself – in my Shower!
Dear Internet Friend,
My shower has the ability to transfer ideas from the essence of the universe to your brain cells - up to 10 megabytes per second!
An opportunity like this comes only once in a lifetime. And for most people, not even that often. You should thank your lucky stars that you were fortunate enough to even be alive today and read this here sales letter and celebrate this moment in Internet history.
You see, today I am celebrating the end of March (which was a c-c-c-c-o-o-o-o-l-d month here in Chicago) and ushering in April with something so unusual, so special, it is going to absolutely take your breath away.
What is this opportunity?
It’s a chance for YOU to take a shower in….
MY SHOWER.
Allow me to explain.
When I wake up in the morning, I say to myself, “Self, you need to send out an email today. What are you going to write about?”
I never really know. But just as reliably as a trusty old grandfather clock, my warm luxurious shower provides me with the answer. Every single day.
That’s right, I twist the knob and turn on the water, step into that wonderful stream, and those grand ideas start flowing. I’ve lost count of the great ideas that were born in this shower – 4 Man Intensive, new products, famous talks at even more famous seminars, controversial statements, hugely popular gone-viral blog posts….
All this time I felt vaguely guilty. Because I was hogging this shower all to myself. I was harboring these ideas, stealing them from the earth’s atmosphere, robbing the universe of energy and keeping them selfishly.
What a narcissist I was. Trodding that banal and meaningless path of me, me, me.
Suddenly a bolt from the blue…. I realized, I could offer this opportunity to so many others and the world would simply be richer for it. Think of all the economic alchemy, the billions of dollars of sales, the new inventions, the discoveries and the KARMIC GOOD POURED INTO THE UNIVERSE that would be achieved….
….simply by offering my shower to YOU, my dear and special Internet Friend.
The next question, of course, was, how much should I charge you for the privilege of standing in my private hot steamy source of inspiration?
George Bernard Shaw once said, “If I give you an apple and you give me an apple, we both have an apple. But if I give you an idea and you give me an idea, we both have 2 ideas.”
This is about the multiplying power of ideas.
My friend, how valuable is ONE idea?
How much would you pay for THE killer idea that changes your life….
FOREVER???
How much would you pay for an idea that you could share with 100 friends, and each of them could share with 100 of their friends? You could even charge them for it if you wanted to. 10,100 people would then possess this idea and you would have lots of money.
How much would you pay?
A hundred thousand dollars?
$1 Million?
$5 Million even?
$6 Million?
If you thought of this idea and got rich, would your friends call you the Six Million Dollar Man?
Do you realize that ONE idea can make you wealthy beyond your wildest dreams?
Do you realize you’re only ONE idea away from escaping the insipid droning of your dreary, desolate life… and entering a nirvana sanctuary of bliss and spectacular super-achievement?
Remember: You only need ONE idea.
Are you serious about success?
Are you serious about taking charge of your life?
If our answer to any of these questions is YES, then my friend, it’s time to stop watching those TED videos. You’re not ever going to get rich watching free TED videos, so put that thought out of your mind right now.
GET YOUR OWN IDEAS.
You can get your own ideas in my shower.
Now I’m sorry if this sounds insulting, but let me remind you that you’ve been groping blindly for ideas in your own shower for years now.
Is it working?
Obviously not, or you wouldn’t be sitting here hunched over your computer looking for a better idea on that scratched-up screen of yours.
Admit it: Your shower is a failure.
Admit it: You were inadequate with the force of your own willpower to solve this problem. You had to turn to a power greater than yourself.
Admit it: You need to make amends to all those around you whom you have hurt with your failures.
THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Right?
They taught you that years ago in MLM. But still you did not learn. You were stubborn and hard to teach.
How long have you been rinsing yourself in the same drab, dank, mold-encrusted shower with broken tiles and yellowing caulk and mildew? Scraping the same belly button lint into the same rusty drain and dumping that same runny shampoo and conditioner into your palm for the 1000th time?
Where’s it been getting you?
Exactly. Nowhere.
This is why you need MY shower.
I’m better than you, frankly. Why? Only and solely because my shower is better than your shower.
It’s not my upbringing, or my genes, my lucky breaks or my ancestry. It’s not my race or my creed or my religion. It’s not my college education or my library. It’s not the warm oatmeal between my ears.
It’s the water that comes out of that shower nozzle. It’s unique water. It’s special. It’s the secret to my USP.
And once you feel THAT water tingling on your skin, you’re going to finally experience the release that you’ve always been hoping for and longing for.
• Emancipation.
• Liberty.
• Financial Victory.
• Karmic Closure.
• Universal Peace and Wisdom.
• A rich flow of love, health and vitality.
• Oxygen for your brain.
• Chicken Soup for your soul.
• Insight, wisdom and understanding.
• Friendships, understanding and prosperity.
• Pretty much everything else those smooth-talking people promised you in that famous video “The Secret”
Highly attractive people of the opposite sex will notice that special sparkle about you which wasn’t there before. They will brazenly approach you and ask you to go jogging with them. They may extend other, equally tantalizing invitations to you.
Your family will welcome you with open arms when you return.
How much does this cost?
You could rightfully expect me to charge a million dollars for this.
But I’m not going to.
I’m not even going to charge $100,000, or even $50,000.
No, because March is finally gone and spring is here, I’m only charging $9,999.95.
For that, you get this appetizing package of exclusive shower benefits:
- You are allowed to stand in my shower for up to TWO WHOLE HOURS
- No discrimination policy: Women and men are equally invited to participate
- Complete privacy assured: No cats, dogs, hidden cameras or “peeping toms”
- My water originates from Lake Michigan, the world’s largest freshwater lake. It’s completely natural and organic.
- My shower has 17 different kinds of shampoo, mostly selected by my 15 year old daughter – she is obsessive about the quality of her hair care products. She only permits the very best brands to cross the threshold of our residence
- Your choice of six different towels, previously used only by other members of my family (no one else)
Before I ask you for the sale…. let me tell you a little bit more about my shower:
- It has a marvelous high-technology HYDROSTATIC valve which maintains constant temperature even
This special temperature control on my shower maintains constant heat, even when someone flushes the toilet downstairs
when, say, the dishwasher downstairs is running or a toilet flushes elsewhere in the house. The water supply may wax and wane but the temperature will never vary.
- You can adjust from COLD to WARM to HOT to VERY HOT and it’s completely YOUR CHOICE. The knob has temperatures printed on it and you can set it to any value you choose! Plus it has a special button on it. I don’t know what this button does but I’m sure it’s there for a legitimate reason.
- When you grasp that knob in your hands, as you sense its solidity and craftsmanship, confidence will surge through your skin, nerves and sinews and you will be transformed internally.
- When you open that heavy glass shower door and feel its weight, its heft, its momentum, that momentum will magically transfer to your career and your life. Your business will be transformed, just by grabbing that shiny silver handle. It’s stainless steel.
- We have a point of use water heater, not one of those dowdy conventional tank type units. So we can supply unlimited quantities of hot scalding water if you so desire. Our water heater is MUSCULAR. Other adjectives I might use to describe it are ADROIT, SUBSTANTIVE, THERMALLY SUPERIOR, AGILE, EXCELLENT, and 120 VOLTS. We even had to hire a special contractor to install a special circuit breaker just to handle the crushing flow of high amperage. My heater can withstand a level of thermodynamic “deal flow” that would cripple, maim and disable conventional water heaters.
My "bionic" water heater supplies all the BTU's you could ever wish for
LIMITED QUANTITY OF SHOWERS
Space is extremely limited and I can only take 114 applicants. At this low low price of only $9,999.95 the spaces are likely to be snatched up. If you haven’t read this letter quickly – if you’re not a speed reader like most of my other customers – then these slots are already gone. I’m very sorry. Take a speed reading course and next time you won’t lose.
And you need to know that under no circumstances whatsoever will I allow any more than these 114. Not even if people submit customer service tickets complaining that they didn’t have enough time or got the email late or were in the hospital or just got out of drug rehab or whatever.
No excuses will be tolerated. I said 114 and I meant 114.
I will not even allow additional showers even if my affiliates plead to mail for me tomorrow. Not even if they ask me to waive their generous 75% commission and keep the money for myself. Not even if they do it just out of pure goodwill and humanitarian concern for their customers.
I will not bend to any form of compromise. I can only take 114 and that’s it.
My shower has a CD player so you can listen to your favorite motivational speakers while you download the secrets of the universe from the shower head above.
WHEN YOU GET TO TAKE YOUR SHOWER:
The 114 showers will begin at midnight May 5 (“Cinco De Mayo”) and go in 2 hour shifts until they’re all done. That will take most of the following week. You will be allowed to camp out in my front yard but you may not tweet under any circumstances. The exclusivity of this event must be maintained at all costs. And also the confidentiality.
Why Cinco De Mayo? Because that holiday is really special to the Mexicans and we have about a million Mexicans in Chicago. I’ll introduce you to some of them. They might even sell you a burrito as big as your head.
What: Up to 2 hours in my shower
When: Cinco De Mayo, May 5, a day that is very special to the Mexicans
Where: My house
Who: You, you pathetic loser. It’s high time for you to get your shit together.
How: By paying me $9,999.95 and calling (866) 674-5440
Don’t delay!
Call (866) 674-5440 now!
Perry Marshall
Isn't it time to wash your past down the drain and download the glorious future ahead of you directly into your head?
P.S.: My shower is no respecter of persons. It doesn’t matter whether you’re Donald Trump or the biggest loser in downtown Detroit, my shower will strengthen and fortify you in ways your own miserable shower could never do.
P.P.S: The ideas you get in my shower are completely yours. I grant them to you with absolutely zero strings attached. Though if you make like fifty million dollars I hope you’ll send me a mil or two just for being your Internet Friend.
P.P.P.S.: Of course I am adding extra bonuses, why wouldn’t I do that? For example my daughter will dye your hair any color you want for only $1000 extra. That’s a $1500 discount off of her normal rate of $2500.
Extra bonus #2: I will gift you several random information products from my library, that still have the shrink wrap on them. They’re as good as new…. yes, even the SEO course I bought on impulse at a pitchfest seminar in 2002. All yours for no extra charge.
Extra bonus #3: Extra ideas!!!! After you come out of the shower with those million dollar ideas I will give you more of them. Just because I like you and because I estimate that you actually are special. You say, “Perry do you have any ideas for me?” And I will say “Sure, friend! Here’s another idea for you….” and I will go on to give you ANOTHER idea. FREE!
Extra bonus #4: I know that when you give to the universe, the universe gives back to you. That is why I am also going to feed you breakfast. You can put on your bathrobe (you’ll need to bring your own bathrobe – sorry, I draw the line at loaning you my kids’ towels) and come downstairs and eat. We’ll make you coffee in our Keurig coffee maker, you can have any flavor K-cup you want as long as it’s in stock. We have a variety of cereals like Cheerios and my wife may stop at Dunkin’ Donuts and pick up some long johns for ya. You’ll leave my house with a nice sugar buzz.
Call (866) 674-5440 now!!! Yes, do it NOW NOW NOW NOW!
Now! Before you’re stuck being a pathetic loser taking loser showers for the rest of your loser life!
Archived Comments
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Perry, I would just like to confirm the absolute and total effectiveness of your shower. (You will remember I was your first client when you made this offer in 1903. Yep – it also gave me the Elixir of Eternal Youth.)
Before I took a shower in your shower, I was stupid, ugly, unpopular, weighed 300lbs, failed everything I undertook, and worst of all, had bad breath. In other words – a loser. A social isolate. The American Dream turned nightmare. Oh – and dirty, because my own shower hadn’t worked for years.
Then, all of a sudden, that changed.
An hour in your shower gave me power.
Today I am smart, rich, and handsome and my breath is as sweet as the morning dew.
I am the CEO of a multi-million dollar shower manufacturing company, with offices the world over, including downtown Morgan, Utah and Llanymynech, Wales.
I travel the world to lead seminars in Karmic Kleaning.
All my wives adore me.
My children worship the ground I walk on that bought for cash.
Even my dog just graduated from high school!
Thank you, Perry Marshall.
PS : Here’s a little teaser : one of the details in the above account is actually false.
Did you spot it?
Yes! Good for you.
Nobody has offices in Llanymynech, Wales.
Dear Richard, we of the Village Council of Llanymynech are compelled to correct your erroneous comment.
Our beloved Llanymynech Golf Course has offices here. You might be interested to know that it is unique in that 15 of the 18 holes are in Wales and 3 are in England.
We are “up with the times” in that we employ a Reader Service to report any mention of our village in the news or on the WWW.
We invite you to open your own office here and experience the bucolic life we enjoy here while being connected to the rest of the world on our new OS3 connection.
To correct your views on our thriving community, we are offering you an all expense paid one week visit to our Village. You will have a daily round of golf provided by the Llanymynech Hill Golf Club, meals at The Red Lion, and the Dolphin. You will be given a tour of Carreghofa Locks, and Llanymynech Church. First Class transportation will be by British Airways and you will be staying at Cain Valley Hotel, High Street, Llanfyllin, Llanymynech, SY22 5AQ.
When you post your retraction here, we will contact you to make all the arrangements.
Ok, so it’s April 1. A day for pranks.
But calling your clients “pathetic losers” isn’t cool, Perry. Even in jest.
Not impressed at all.
What I’m wondering before I put this on my Visa Card is this: What if I’m not satisfied? Is there a full 60 day refund policy?
I’d buy it, but there doesn’t seem to be a money-back guarantee. Sorry, I won’t buy it.
Do you have an affiliate program for your ‘Download Success Ideas From Perry Marshall’s Shower’ Program?
Good one!
oh come on Tom, you gotta be kidding me. At some point in life we are all losers. Besides being a loser is good for your karma.
TOM, Tom, tom… you have to admit that anyone who would read such a blatant sham email to that point would have to chuckle.
What you have revealed to the world is that you were totally taken in by the email and embarrassed that you got to that point in the message to fully realize it. Then your shame overcame your good sense and you posted your gullibility to the world.
Like Armando, if you seek offense, you will find it.
Happy April 1.
BTW… we all felt taken in and, yes, while the “pathetic loser” comment was surprising, it takes that kind of cognitive dissonance to WAKE US UP. The only difference between your gullibility and ours is we didn’t proclaim it to the world… well, OK, I just did, too!
pathetic loser
“many a true word is spoken in jest”
Attempts at humour are always dangerous, especially on a global medium such as the web…
Perry, I chuckled all the way through your post. What a unique and creative way to suggest that within each of us is a spark which is available when we find the way to touch our soul, or higher self or whatever word works. Your method is much simpler than long hours of meditation and much cheaper than long classes in controlling your mind.
I hope this isn’t unacceptable, Beverly
You’re right, this really was a way of suggesting that.
Brilliant. April 1st dawns nicely on Chicago!!
LOL
April fool to you too Perry..
Nice! Put me down for one please Perry!
Now you’re talking Perry – so now we know the truth – we don’t have to study, read, listen & learn or go to Maiu – just turn on he taps of success!
Perry, I get some really great ideas in my shower too. But I would like one of those million dollar ideas your shower provides. Since there’s no “BUY NOW” button, I’ll go call that number now. Great article.
Very nice “Poisson D’Avril” Perry!
Thanks for the good laugh ?
Perry,
No Loofa? Sorry, looking elswhere. Thanks.
Peter
Hilarious! I bet you sell out!
I am in. Will there be an installment plan?
What a coincidence that this special offer appears today! Perry, your wicked sense of market timing really is going to pay off this time.
Howard
Perry,
I will have to decline due to scheduling conflicts. So, I must pass on this once in a life time offer. Thanks for the imaginative day brightener.
I can’t help but wonder what April 1st will bring next year.
Shular
Perry, I’m absolutely laughing my butt off… this is outstanding copy. I can only imagine how this idea came to be… you and a few marketers sitting on the lanai in Hawaii… after a long day, sucking back a few cold ones, coming up with wild stuff.
The only thing you are missing is an actual working 866 number where you have some high pressure sales guy on the line in a recorded voice telling you all the slots are filled and that to leave a message to be put on the wait list for $1,000 non refundable.
Hey Perry,
I love your stuff but on this one I feel you have been in the shower waaaaay too long and have some water on your brain.
Perhaps your shower could send an email to my shower and together they could create even more wonderful ideas!
It would be a joint venture – right? And then we could send out a mass mailing and ask even more money for a taking two showers instead of just one!
Thanks for a wonderful opening to the day!
APRIL FOOL
The perfect April Fools Sales Letter to add to my swipe file!
Hahaha, love it, Perry!
I was just looking for the opportunity to run through the sprinkler of some expert on something – normal inspirational source if you live further south than Chicago.
Then I saw this and * BOOM* realized it could be the difference maker. & who could pass on it at that price!
Sadly, I read every word and realized by now I was too slow to take advantage. Too bad. Maybe next time.
W.
Great. Happy April Fools Day. Perry, you are amazing.
Happy April Fools to you as well.
Haha! Happy April Fools Perry!
Dear Perry, I always read your emails but this one left me wondering: is this for real or are you just working too much? Take a break!
PS. Maybe I really AM a pathetic loser for taking time to post this but it’s just a tribute to all the useful info I’ve taken from your emails, I’d never read another email from someone who used this language on a first email. You sound like you desperately need a holiday!
A breath of fresh air, you are, Perry! :))
Thank you. Who needs gurus when you have all the steam?
Be careful my friend, be very careful….a place on the salty droid’s pages awaits he who writes sales letters like that.
What are you attempting to accomplish here other than wasting peoples time, being insulting and belittling?
Best sales letter I’ve read in a long time. Seriously.
Nice one Perry. If it wasn’t April 1st, I’d have been sold on the copy..Happy April Fools day!
You can’t fool me! I was ready to whip out my credit card when I realized that there was no money back guarantee.
Happy April Fools!
Funny but, Sad. I have had to ward off some these GURU GORILLA’S from hosing down my sweet ole’ Mamie from her hard earned money.
Great satire, Perry. Also sad, because I have bought my share of showers in the past.
That’s so funny!
Haha! This is hilarious Perry! Probably the funniest sales letter I’ve ever read. I actually thought you were going to sell me something until about half way down the page.
But the thing is you did sell me on something – the power of ideas!
ah..
So the magic is in the shower! I must be following the wrong coach, he has me taking baths in cold distilled water for the past year, just gets the laptop wet.
I am simply washed away by the bonuses as well. the clarity of thought (and water) is very unusual.
count me in!
I will send you 10,000 you send me 15000 anf that will be a great day!!!!!!
I’m sure the part about Lake Michigan being the largest freshwater lake in the world must be an April Fools joke!
Oh My God… I am wet with anticipation… and I am a guy!!
I need to order two… Can I get a matching set… Is the color Chartreuse out of the question… with sprinkles… nothing fancy… and silver overlays…?
and i like to sing in the shower… will this help me… sometimes i sing in the Key of A… sometimes in the Key of B… kind of a split testing type of thang…
I think this is the bestest thang you have ever offered and i really appreciate your givinesss…
many tanks… cj..
Surprisingly enough, my shower is also a source for great ideas and inspiration! Thanks to you and your teachings, I will be able monetize that real estate for profit. While I would be willing to use your shower for $9995 I worry that my followers would only be able to spend $5555 to have access. Can you please advise on (1) how you are handling travel costs (many of my fans are in another state) and (2) how the family has taken the news of the conversion to monetizing your plumbing (I fear my husband may have concerns and want to address them up front.
Sincerely, Showering in Denver
This could lead to me suggesting that taking a shower is now tax deductible!
Great Post
Dear Perry
This is hysterical. I am lololing. I will be LOLing all day over this. It’s brilliant. I never knew you were such a funny guy.
Thanks!
Arrgh! I SO wasn’t going to fall for any April 1st jokes today! But seriously, how can you resist clicking on an email link “announcing an opportunity to literally download the success secrets of the universe directly into your brain”. I sure couldn’t. Thanks for the lesson & the smile on my face!
I just woke up and checked my email. Yours were the first one that I started reading.
Great sense of humor and excellent writing, as always!
Happy April’s Fool Day too, Perry!
You made my day….I cannot stop laughing ?
Regards,
Mariana
I certainly see the humor in the article. But I also see a mistake that many people make.
Far too many people confuse the “shower” with the answer/solution to their problems. Of course it is not the shower that is so valuable. We often “buy” the latest techniques, software, marketing gimmicks (the shower) and think we will get the same results.
We need the vision and the determination – not the shower.
I believe Archimedes was the first man known to run from the shower (bath in those days) shouting “Eureka, I’ve got it”.
John: Archimedes said “Eureka” which actually means “I’ve found it” when he sat down in his bath tub and came up with the water displacement theory. I believe Perry is every bit as smart as Archimedes–one just wouldn’t know that from reading his April Fool’s email. Let’s start with his evidence that DNA was designed, not an accident, and go from there…
You know, I love satire. I love that you can poke fun at yourself and every other retread in the industry. What really kills it for me is you nailed it on the head. All of the internet ad copy and emails “look” the same. It gets to the point for me to where the copy no longer matters. I see the big letters, the capitalized text, the colored text, the stock photos, the multiple fonts, the bullet points and I run as fast as possible from the shyster lest I lose my last meal first. It maketh me to wonder how long before everyone else reading the *junk* feels the same way I do and the effectiveness is gone. Don’t get me wrong–I don’t question the efficacy. I just don’t like how it feels personally. I would much rather have a genuine conversation in authentic way and make a real connection with someone. I’m never going to be in a business trying to sell a product that isn’t good enough to sell itself. So, ultimately all of the electronic junk is no different in its feel (to me) than junk mail or spam. Why would we want to be people who proliferate such things even if they work?
I though this was for real at first until I read the PS’s!
Perry, if I could bring you 100 extra people who would be happy to pay you full price for your shower, and who you would never otherwise have access to, and who would sing the praises of your shower from here to eternity, would it make sense for us to talk? When you call, I think I can lay the whole thing out for you in about 6 minutes on the phone.
All I ask in return is a quarter of every dollar that I bring for you, a dollar that you never otherwise would have had.
It’s probably better if you call me sooner rather than later. I could take this idea elsewhere, and though I’ve identified others who could benefit from this, my analysis shows that out of everyone, you stand to benefit the most from this. You can reach me on my personal number at: 555-555-5555.
Yours in profits,
Hanif Khaki
Somebody call Salty Droid!
Scam alert! Scam alert!
I fell for a WSO just like this 2 years ago. Don’t make my mistake!!!!
“My shower has 17 different kinds of shampoo, mostly selected by my 15 year old daughter – she is obsessive about the quality of her hair care products. She only permits the very best brands to cross the threshold of our residence” … But Now—M’Dear-Sweet Lil’ April Fool … “It’s high time for you to get your shit together.”
NOTE: As the mother of–NOT 1 But 2 !!–now 20-something daughters… I can’t Thank You Enough for the April Fools laughs I got from the THIS particular “couplet” of Yours today.
Great stuff Perry ? You actually had me read close to half of it before I realized where it was going. What a waste, that was a good sales letter!
Do you have an affiliate program for this yet?
Sign me up.
Perry, you reminded me of the time I taught a workshop on cooking vegetarian food in crockpots. My daughter brought her baby to the class and I introduced my granddaughter as, The World’s First Crockpot Baby! After class a woman came up with a really concerned look on her face and asked, “Was she really born in a crockpot?” I bet you’ll get someone like that, too.
I thought it was quite funny Perry. But – just a little too long and was feeling somewhat flaccid before I got to the end – like I’d been in your shower too long, maybe ?
What a kick! I got a good chuckle out of this! Maybe it’s something in the air but I did get a good idea today and I’m looking forward to getting it to work
vs
April Fools Day to you as well. It would be a wonderful world if we all could share ideas around the world.
Bob
I think you went a little too far with your comments about mexicans.
I’m pretty disappointed in you Perry.
Armando, It’s sad that the liberal left has been so successful with poisoning our culture with “political correctness” to the point that they have made everyone hyper sensitive about even benign ethnic references.
Have you heard George Lopez on TV?
I am amazed that rappers get a total pass on what they put in their lyrics, but anyone else using the same word is vilified.
There was nothing even remotely derogatory in the “Mexican’s” comment. However, it is interesting and very telling that you take offense at that comment and not at being called “a pathetic loser”. So, I can only assume you agree with that one.
Armando… if we look for offense, we will most certainly find it. And that my friend is what produces “pathetic losers”.
Interesting DaWoolf. Did you take offense by my remark?
As a vet, I fought for your right to post idiotic remarks, so I’m all for you venting.
And yes – George Lopez stands as a singular representative for All mexicans around the world, much like Johnny Knoxville makes movies chronicling the life of people like yourself.
As for pathetic loser, there’s partial truth in the remark – I mean you DID respond.
Please be sure to let me know, DaWoolf, what products you sell – so I can unsubscribe as well.
And no, you’re not invited to my Cinco de Mayo celebration.
Armando, My sincerest apology.
I was not offended by your remark. Just tired of people being overly sensitive to the point that an innocent comment like Perry’s would upset ANYONE.
I TRULY did not want to increase your offense. I just wanted to add perspective.
Again, I am sorry I offended you in my post. Life is just too short and precious to cause pain for others. I regret I have added “salt to your wound”.
I honor your and respect your service to our country. THANK YOU. However, it is obvious that you weren’t a Marine. Such sensitivity would have to be Air Force… Reserve…. right?
Two more points.
1) I was TRULY did not mean to increase your offense. Please forgive me.
2) I also served, first as an enlisted man and then as an officer, and, because it is a FREE country (at least for now), I will be at any Cinco de Mayo party I choose.
God Bless you Armando, you have made yourself heard.
Adios… for now.
Thank you kind sir (spelled in with the common ‘sir’, but by all means intended in the Marcinkian ‘cur’) [Google it if you need a translation (since there isnt an enlisted man translating for you, right?)]
I was in fact stationed with Marine Corp Units, in the front lines, as a corpsman (I was in the Navy). I served proudly with Marine units for the majority of my enlistment, and served with distinction as attested to by my long list of commendations.
You made your statements intoning that rappers dont get a bad rap, that Lopez doesnt suffer recourse for his brand of crap. That just isnt the case.
My beef was with Perry finding need to add that to his prank. In jokes there are seeds of the truth. I found it didnt add to his prank and maybe revealed something I dont care supporting.
God bless you too brother.
And ‘any party you choose’? Make sure those would be ones you ARE invited too. The second amendment applies to mexicans too!
The part about the constant heat – even when someone flushes the toilet – was awesome! Flashback to the 80’s … this is HILARIOUS!!
Hey Perry,
Does this work in Canada?
Thanks.
Russ
PS: Tom Rene, Perry isn’t calling you a “pathetic loser”, the “industry” is. Get it????????
Now, say Thanks Perry.
Geeez
Hi Perry,
This is your wost marketing lesson ever. Not everyone notices that today is April 1st, not everybody will open his email on April 1st. Calling all your fans, clients and students “pathetic losers” is a strong turn off and gave me a really bad feeling, especially because it is coming from someone I have a lot of respect and admiration for. Eric
I would have really enjoyed reading about what goes on in your outhouse. HMM?
Hi Perry,
I’m in! Is there any discount for multiple purchases and would I be able to take them consecutively? I would be looking at a full 8 hour session.
Ah Perry,
You’ve outdone yourself this time! I too download amazing things in the shower, but I never thought about sharing my showering facilities with others… at least not so many at one time.
Great thoughts as usual.
Michael
Now if there was anything to this shower thing, wouldn’t Al Gore, (who’s admitted taking up to 12 showers a day) be the smartest man on the planet?
Oh, wait, he invented the internet.
Maybe you could pass the soap please?
Wow. I forgot at first that it was April Fools Day, and was wondering what the heck you were up to!
You think very highly of the people on your list because you are assuming they are all quite successful and would not be sucker-punched in the gut by lines like:
“Admit it: You need to make amends to all those around you whom you have hurt with your failures.”
For anyone on the list who is still harboring guilt or fears of failure, Perry didn’t mean it!
I don’t get it, how is this an April Fool’s joke? It’s just a sad little story that isn’t even funny.
Great stuff! I cannot imagine the giggles you had while you wrote this!
Hahaha… I saw the email and thought “Huh?” since it was so UN-Perry. Then I thought it was a cracked out ad for the Bobsled Run… hey, I’m tired.
Anyway, about the 10 second mark I started laughing and decided you were just pissed that a friend or something got nailed by some lame vendor and you were going to have a chat about that kind of thing.
I didn’t even THINK of the date until I saw the comments. Wow. Pure awesome Senor Marshall.
Remember your April 1st video from last year I was hoping you’d do something this year. Thanks for not letting us down.
Brilliant April Fools Day Post…. Hey it got me to read it full blown. Thanks for the ideas
Great Stuff Perry,
Don’t mind the “Nay Sayers” I see in the comments. I’m guessing they didn’t get it until they read it a second time.
Keep it coming!
Is this the same shower where you noticed those soap bubbles you’ve been selling along with turtles in Maui. Soon you’ll have enough money to re-do that tile job. Your levity and creativity never washes off!
Perry,
Great April 1! So true – all the copy looks the same in sales letters.
Just let us know – how many people called the number!!!!
Keep up the good work – you make me LMAO!
Perry,
Thoroughly enjoyed the chuckle here in California. You are totally nuts! And in my book, that’s a good thing!
Thank you for a “gloves off” April 1.
Perry you are a true MASTER in the business, the fact that your opening the spigot of knowledge is great. How you communicate is of no concern, what you communicate is what counts. Most people would not know a GURU if they were in a room with one, these guys and girls stay behind the scenes and guard their techniques with there life. Only when something does not work anymore does that technique become public. Happy April Fools Day, keep feeding the minds that knowledge that will sustain them for life. Remember Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Keep teaching Perry, let us all get towels because were going to get wet… You guy’s do know he’s joking…. Bravo
I was on the fence until the Coffee and Cheerio’s Bonus! Bravo for such an inspiring marketing offer
Funniest. Sales letter. Ever.
LOL! April Fool’s! Brilliant!
Perry,
Last April it was mountain this time it is your shower I am bit busy so sorry.
Why you go down you are climber go up up and up. Next April we will meet on Moon.
I offer sound sleep free of charge and that is prerequisite for shower.
Thanks,
Mukesh.
… interesting …hmm and do u have an idea for selling this shower? and price pls?
Love this article Perry. We all need to get our shit together every now and again. Thanks for the laugh.
Love it Perry! So awesome, I read EVERY sentence. What a hoot! Made my day.
Perry,
I would only count on people who register after April 1st to actually show up
Wow. You are just as full of it as Jay Abraham.
1. Made my day
2. How can we leverage this power, duplicate it, and automate it? Maybe we can carefully take the shower out and stick it on a trailer and drive it around the country… “Perry’s Shower Tour”. Then, you could go international with it next year since it is a guaranteed success… “Perry’s Shower Cruise”.. Sign me up.
3. Shower figurines cast in gold. Done.
4. Soap from Perry’s shower. $997 limit 1 half bar per household per year. I already pre-sold 19 as an affiliate.
5. I want the rights to the shampoo line. “Perry’s Essence… Straight from the World Famous Billion Dollar Shower”
Thank you Perry. I am from Chicago and a Big Chicago Cubs fan and today is opening day.
Thanks Perry,
Here is one loser who is getting his “shit” together!!!
Peter in Denver
April, 1st.
I read your book (Google Adwords for dummies), PM.
Thanx.
…and there’s more! As a Special “Early Bird” bonus #1 We give you an all-expense paid all Inclusive Escorted bus trip to Sunny Downtown Detroit! While your hair is still sopping wet from that murky Lake Michigan Chicagoland shower, you’ll be wisked to My Downtown Townhouse in Detroit! Then you’ll be personally escorted by my Personal assistant, Ms. Delicious, to your Own Personal Bathing Station! Using only the Finest Crystal clear waters from The Lake of Huron..you will be cleansed inside and out..an experience you will Never Forget!
Bonus #2 Call (866) 674-5440 now! Receive your own Personal, Acid etched out, Clean 9mm Hand Cannon, only been test fired once on 7 mile Rd. for Maximum efficency….all this and More, today only 4.1.2011!!
Ummm…I was actually hoping for another opportunity to go to China.
Who knew that when Perry says, “Once in a lifetime” he really means it.
Everybody else just throws that line out to create “urgency”.
Now I have to decide whether or not this offer appeals to me not only in this lifetime, but I have to think ahead about what my next 9 lifetimes might be interested in as well.
I’ll keep working on my Karma in the mean time.
In the mean time, I am grateful to be “in business for myself, but not by myself.”
I’ve been punked! You should immediately call Ashton Kutcher and tell him he has nothing on Perry Marshall. I am embarrassed to say how much copy I consumed before I realized … I will have to return the favor to the wife and kids when they get home. You will get the blame for this one ?
Perry, haven’t seen this much hub-bub on your blog since somebody offered you lunch.
Happy April to you!
Thank you Perry
Perry,
Let’s talk JV. I would like to Joint Venture with you to bottle the idyllic-idea water that cascades down the shower drain.
Thank God for grandkids. My grandson just phoned to remind me, through a question, that today was April fools day; before that I wondered what kind of grass Perry was smoking. Now I know!! Well done Perry! The shower works!!!!
What a nice idea! I find the coffee after the nice shower a better inspiration though.
BE WARNED !!!
Last year I purchased the “Take A Bath With Perry” special and it was not as advertised.
However, I did get to keep the ducky that was the bonus.
Ha!! FOOLS! Can’t believe all the joke comments. The REAL FOOLS are the ones that didn’t book their time!! Just reading it and thinking about it gave me a breakthrough idea that one of my clients implemented 30 seconds ago and made $4012011 immediately!!!!!!!!!!
Money is tight so my wife cancelled her c-section next week to free up money for me to go. All we need is another $2500. Is there a payment plan? If there is, can you please send me 100 emails reminding me of pay plan 1-50 deadlines so I don’t miss it!! We’re also trying to find some sweat shops for the kids to work at so they can contribute. I figure 3 years old is old enough for them to pull their own weight. My wife also suggested we sell our house and move into a shanty so we can bring a friend along.
Perry – are there any special pens or pads we can buy so we can write or record our ideas so we don’t lose them. I’ve lost so much money and I’m ok with that because I know your shower will make it up, I’m afraid of losing the ideas the shower will give me. Please advise.
Blessings,
Chris.
P.S. I just remembered I bought $120,000 of Kruggerands that I was holding until they tripled in value as promised – can I give you these in exchange for 2 showers?
LOL!
Hi Perry
Hahahahaha! I know exactly what this article was about! It was a piss-take (excuse the crude term but you get the idea) of so called affiliate marketing guru’s. I’ve seen enough of these fly-by-night-cowboys, to know that they only thing they are selling, are dreams to desperate and gullible people.
Ive seen enough of them, and their BS should be obvious to anyone with half a brain. “Guaranteed, to make you rich enough to give your day job in only a few weeks or your money back!”. But if you’ve ever read the small print it is laughable and a direct contradiction.
Neil
This email is by far the biggest wast of time.
Who are you kidding. If this is the best you can do, take me off your mailing list.
Mary said : “I am embarrassed to say how much copy I consumed before I realized …”
Really! You Americans!
?
How about inviting google to this…. it needs a shower too.
hahaha! If it wasn’t for comments that I just read at the end of the sales letter ,I wouldn’t have realised that this was just a joke,but again it was so UNPery ,I thought you’d gone crazy Man,thanks for the laughs!.
Yup There are so Many People that Go to the Public Baths These days to Take their Daily Bath and they place the Valuables with the Cashier OOPs Big Mistake!
Perry, I think you may have read “Acres of Diamonds” one too many times
Anyway I’m in. Can we bring our own soap?
Perry
I am reading this in the shower on the water proof computer I just created.
Pete
Not bad, but last year’s was WAAAY better dude.
I don’t think I’ve laughed so much in front of my computer before.
My favorite part –> “if you’re not a speed reader like most of my other customers – then these slots are already gone. I’m very sorry. Take a speed reading course and next time you won’t lose.”
This is when I fell off the chair… LOL!!!
Hello Perry,
The Theme Zoom design team has requested an estimate from you on acquiring a blueprint and layout of your personal bathroom. We would like to emulate and codify the exact construct in order begin construction within the month. Please contact me at [email protected] when you have the proposal completed. Also, we have purchased the domain Perrysbathroom.com as we plan on selling these blueprints along with the Krakken Silo Website Blueprints. Thank you. The Theme Zoom Team.
Why isn’t anyone answering when I call the # !!
Hi Perry,
Ok, I’m sold, but surely you can do a little better on your offer. C’mon, man, I am willing to throw in that extra nickel and make it an even $10,000. I figure you could throw in an hour in a nice, hot sauna. That’s worth an extra nickel. Great fun post for April Fool’s Day and keep up the good stuff! Oh, and this is to Guy Harvey: get a life because yours apparently sucks! If you can’t find some humor in life, you don’t need to be reading the posts!
Oh, now this was inspired.
I’m a richer man simply for having read it!
Reading some of these comments, I can’t believe some people actually got offended!! Can I have their email addresses so I can market them?
Also, can I bring my family? Happy to pay the $50,000 as I think it’s a proper bargain!!
hahaha, good thing i read the posts because i completely forgot about April Fool’s Day and no one around me even talked about it yesterday. Perry, for a minute I thought you became desparate and needed some money and I was going to ask if anyone signed up! hahaha
Will there be an affiliate program for this?
There already is. 75% commish!
Savage humus mate, i admit you had me for a while.
LOL
though i have to say, i think my shower is better than yours.
Imagine,
it’s really hot where i live 17:37
and theres a sub-tropical storm brewing…….i reckon i have a grate idea too…dive into that cooooolll swimming pooolllll.
and kiss that shower on the spot.
HA!
drippedy drop.
Insightful, brilliant, masterfully executed are you adding this to the Maui program.
Seems you may have visited the Tiki Bar while posting this one.
Thanks again
Just got to read your shower-power play now – totally classic! Wish we’d seen it yesterday – we could’ve joined in! But, a laugh’s a laugh, and we had a good one. Just so you know, here in SA we have the bush shower special – it involves a bush (you stand behind it) a river and an elephant and its trunk! Guaranteed to make your brain work, and definitely improves your eye/mind/feet co-ordination on occasion.
Cheers
Most hilarious sales letter I’ve ever read.
Perry:
Thank you for the hilarious and subtle intelligence test. I was amazed to see the failures announce that they not only couldn’t find their butts with both hands at the same time but that when they found it with one hand, they couldn’t recognize it!
You’re the champ, Perry Live long and continue to prosper!
Tom
yep Perry, We are alway s looking for solutions outside ourself. When we look inside ourself we can see the solution,.. and we do not have to pay for it…
PS
take a look of my shower here in the Netherland… For Free
I hate to think what the upsell is going to be on this offer.
Clearly you have been sacrificing shower time to insiders. Otherwise the obvious idea to joint venture this undertaking with TravelingSnakeOil.com would have come to you.
Not to disrespect your daughter’s grooming products, but replace them all with The Miracle Grooming Elixir and the brain-burning, enlightenment, Love, Truth, and Beauty would take quantum leaps.
Or possibly meltdown your clients under the overwhelming combination of your peerless shower and the timeless wonder of Traveling Snake Oil.
You’re right.
Never mind.
Thank you for making this opportunity available and for protecting us against Traveling Snake Oil overload.
Perry, I’ve had people climbing into my shower for 3 days now, and I didn’t know why until I checked my inbox.
Apparently Alex (comment #89) is not alone in his confusion…
So anyway, I’ve added my own twist to this promotion in keeping with the For Dummies theme. My shower experience includes 3 hour-long webinars on how to operate the shower.
Webinar #1: Water Pressure
Webinar #2: Temperature
Webinar #3: Soap, Shampoo and Conditioner
And if you act now, I’ll throw in 2 bonus webinars:
Bonus Webinar #1: Shaving
Bonus Webinar #2: Drainage and Cleaning
Cheers,
Howie
Hey Shower Perry,
I don’t take showers, I take baths , do you have a bath program, do ya, huh, I sure hope so, cause I’m to lazy to stand more than 2 minutes and 34 seconds at a time.
I would get ya to call me but again, I’m to lazy to talk on the phone, even If it is from you.(a non loser)I didn’t even type this email, I paid someone to do it,’cause you guessed it “IM TO LAZY”.
Boy I’m tired from all this talking!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ron
Thanks Perry for the post. Do you think I will get link juice and google love to my MLM prospects blog just because you mentioned MLM in the post or will google slap me? I am heading to the shower now…
Great Job, I really enjoyed your “pitch” and all the terrific comments!!!! Your ideas are “TOP DRAWER”. Thanks
Hi Perry,
so this truly is once in a lifetime opportunity..
Just a short remark, though. Source of the water for your shower, lake Michigan is not the world’s largest freshwater lake, I assume that honor belongs to the lake Baikal in Russian Siberia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baikal
Have fun, thanks.
Thanks Perry….Never have the time to catch up on your clever marketing ideas, here in my office on Good Friday and just reading through 760 emails I have saved to come back and read! I’m the only one at work today, giving me the time…Do appreciate the humor and your own tenacity to keep at it…
Ronnie
This gave me a good laugh!