The Humility Demon
About 15 years ago I had this friend from church named Steve. Steve was early 30’s, young kids, in the “compression zone” of life. Had some kind of OK job, was paying the bills (barely, I suspect, like most of us) and squeaking by.
Then one day he got handed a BIG promotion at a big company. Handsome salary, lots of responsibility, running an entire department.
He felt overwhelmed.
He was besieged with self-doubts. It was like that Talking Heads song:
And you may find yourself
behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself
in a beautiful house
with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself-
Well…How did I get here?
I remember him talking to several of us, saying, “Guys, I am totally unqualified to do this job. I don’t know why they gave it to me. I do not believe I have what it takes. I believe the honest, Godly thing for me to do is step down and go work on myself for a few years.”
It sounded OK to me, I guess. I wasn’t sure what to think at the time. I thought “Wow, I wish I had his humility.”
He stepped down. He got some other kind of job that paid half as much.
The next few years were very hard for him, and it took him a very long time to recover from that.
Now, 15 years later, I have a very definite opinion about what happened to Steve.
What happened to him was what I like to call “Favor.” God handed him a nice big strawberry. God said, “Here, Steve, you can handle this. Man up. You can do it.”
But he doubted himself. That’s all it took for that fear demon to start whispering in his ear: “You know Steve, the honest thing to do is just admit you don’t have what it takes and stop lying to everybody.”
Moses had the same convo with God in the wilderness, at the burning bush. Exodus 3. God tells him all this stuff He wants Moses to do – which is totally overwhelming if you think about it.
Moses feels like a fraud. An argument ensues. Moses says, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”
God pledges that his brother Aaron will help, and God Himself will put words in Moses’ mouth.
15 years ago I would have never said to Steve, “Seize the day, dude. Just go do that job, enjoy the perks, and God will give you answers when you hit a brick wall.”
But today I would absolutely say that to him.
If everyone did what Steve did, NOBODY would accomplish anything daring or great. Nobody would start a business or a church or start a band or a restaurant or invent anything. Nobody would take charge of any job they weren’t already qualified to do. Cuz hardly any of us are qualified when we start.
That mountain IS bigger than you.
OK… It is bigger NOW.
It won’t be LATER. Because YOU are going to grow.
EVERY GREAT PERSON IN THE WORLD, IF THEY ARE HONEST WITH THEMSELVES, feels like a fraud. At least for awhile.
Steve should have accepted that job, told his boss “I probably need 2X as much training as everyone else who’s taken that job, and I’m asking you to commit to give me the support I need to do this job.”
And then he could have invested double overtime to acquire the skills he needed.
That’s what you do. That’s the force that fashions boys into men and girls into women.
Biting off the challenge and just DOING it.
And yes, asking for Wisdom when Wisdom is necessary.
Being “small” is NOT humility. Humility is: recognizing your limitations AND WORKING AROUND THEM however necessary. People totally appreciate a guy who admits that he doesn’t know how to do a specific part of his job and asks for help.
Humility is also accepting and acknowledging the gifts you do have, and using them without shame.
What people hate is POSERS – people who don’t know, but pretend to. Everybody hates posers.
Being an entrepreneur is never about being a poser. It’s about stepping up and doing what absolutely needs to be done, however it can get done, and accepting the challenge in front of you. It’s about availing yourself of whatever help, whatever counsel you need to get you through.
SOMEBODY knows how to solve it. And you can find them.
Never forget that. I welcome your comments.
Perry Marshall
P.S. “We may be content to remain what we call ‘ordinary people’: but He is determined to carry out a quite different plan. To shrink back from that plan is not humility: it is laziness and cowardice. To submit is not conceit or megalomania; it is obedience.” -C.S. Lewis
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July 28, 2013 at 8:48 am
So appreciated your definition of humility Perry “Humility is: recognizing your limitations AND WORKING AROUND THEM however necessary.”
“Humility is also accepting and acknowledging the gifts you do have, and using them without shame.”
So on the dot (or nail)
Charles
July 28, 2013 at 9:20 am
Thanks for the reminder that we humans all suffer from feelings of inadequacy in the face of a big challenge.
Thankfully, we are not alone when we accept God into our life and “He” can bring us through it all.
July 28, 2013 at 9:37 am
Great post Perry. It was perfectly timed for me today.
Thank you.
July 28, 2013 at 12:30 pm
Perry,
You have written many great pieces and commentaries over the years. However, I believe this is one of the best. Stepping out in faith can be one of the most difficult things we do.
God bless,
John
July 28, 2013 at 1:04 pm
That reminded me of myself in similar situation years ago. It wasn’t just humility in my case. To be completely honest, larger part of it was fear of failure and of embarasment. I almost give up right away, but managed to muster up some courage. Then I almost gave up in the process, but my colleagues helped me not to. In the end, I can say that the experience was rewarding. I made what looked as a giant leap at the time. And it’s still significant milestone in my life.
Looking back, it all comes down to having the guts to step outside of one’s comfort zone.
“EVERY GREAT PERSON IN THE WORLD, IF THEY ARE HONEST WITH THEMSELVES, feels like a fraud. At least for awhile.”
This is very comforting.
July 28, 2013 at 1:07 pm
“Cuz hardly any of us are qualified when we start.”
Great reminder Perry. This is really profound.
I get into this mediocre state of mind allot, because I also grew up timid. There have been incidents in my life when I realize I could be in control of this ‘Demon’ and I get pleasantly surprised that I could. At 5 years old, I was prodded by my teachers and my mother to recite a short poem at my school concert. With combined child and personality shyness, the practice period was tough. I was even beaten by my Mom to do this thing. So on that day, when it was my turn in line to go on this stage to recite, I went with courage that was hidden deep within my being that suddenly was awakened, and I LOUDLY recited, with CONVICTION.
‘Never trouble, trouble, till trouble troubles you!’
The entire audience to my surprise roared with entertained amazing laughter. I was told you were the best out of all the children. I cautiously believed it.
July 28, 2013 at 2:00 pm
Poser = bad.
Taking on a role that could have you make choices, decisions, etc that could screw up people’s lives permanently is similar and also very bad. Some professionals (including some politicians, law-makers, bankers, CEO’s, pharmaceutical, nuclear, environmental, market-makers, software developers, etc) have WAY too much influence into systems that impact in upwards of millions of people, and yet do not have the ethical aptitude to do the “right” things, nor even recognize that he/she doesn’t have remotely what it takes to do that job right. No checks/balances in their system to catch them. So we see nuclear reactors go down, flash-crashes in markets based on software, cities go underwater from natural disasters, etc because some jackasses made some stupid decisions. I wonder these days if even 10% of anyone has a clue of what they are really doing.
July 28, 2013 at 2:41 pm
Sunday, July 28, 2013 3:41 pm EDT.
Perry, Once again, you’ve hit the nail on the head. You have expressed eloquently the way to handle the triple demons of ackowledged inadequacy, the entrained desire to be humble, and the way to express commitment to something that seems to be several rungs higher on the ladder than the one you’re one.
You have been given the gift of interpretation of tongues … real tongues, because most of that stuff is like a foreign language, shunted off into inapplicable meanings as though a nonspeaker of a foreign language were throwing darts at a bilingual dictionary in order to translate something. You bring the terminology into crystal-clear focus so that even a babe in the woods can understand it. After you have had your say, it all seems so obvious and comprehensible. That’s because you pass all the concepts through the prism of your grasp of the bigger picture.
Kudos and thanks.
July 29, 2013 at 8:26 am
Thank you. I am blessed by your words.
July 28, 2013 at 3:16 pm
Perry, thank you for your continual inspiration and motivation. I keep all these nuggets to read when I’m down, feeling undeserving, overwhelmed, etc.
They push me to keep going…
July 28, 2013 at 3:16 pm
Right on with this Perry, I have been around churches most of my life and have seen this kind of thing all over the place and even struggled with it a bit myself. A lot of this comes out of a wrong view of thinking we always have to get it right and not giving enough room to experiment in life and make mistakes. I know so many people who are paralysed by fear of some sort especially failure or what others think that they never try something outside their denominational box and so end up like a clone.
I really agree with the view of try it and if you hit the wall God will sort you out at that point. There’s no point in preempting something that might never happen.
Darren
July 28, 2013 at 7:05 pm
This is killer Perry – as always. False humility is really “Pride” covered in wool that make it look like sheep. A wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Reminds me of a time when I was asked to come on board the leadership team of a certain non-profit. I declined at least 3 times.
But like Moses, I had a triple treat encounter in a single day. I knew it was a matter of obedience or disobedience.
I know that I’m not qualified, but by “His” grace and love anyone can overcome even the tallest mountain.
Thanks for the encouragement Perry!
July 28, 2013 at 7:41 pm
This article was perfectly timed for me.
For years I’ve wanted to be a Bible teacher, but have always been frightened by James 3:1 — “My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment.”
A few years ago I heard about the “coaching” industry, and liked that name as a vehicle for my Bible teaching.
When I think of a “coach,” I think of someone like Vince Lombardi, not someone who never stops asking questions and keeps saying “all the answers are within you.” I know I don’t have all the answers, and I cannot solve all problems. But I like your statement: “SOMEBODY knows how to solve it. And you can find them.”
Ever since I graduated from college, I’ve been in social work, working with the homeless, children, and the elderly. I’ve always worked on a volunteer basis, getting room and board, but never a paycheck. I’ve never really had a real “job.”
So the thought of becoming an entrepreneur and starting my own business as a Bible Coach has been doubly frightening.
I’ve contacted a few coaches to see if I could get some help, but they’ve been repulsed by my mix of politics and religion.
I’m unable to pay my rent this month, so I really need to launch my coaching business.
Do you work with heretics like me?
July 29, 2013 at 8:28 am
I’m not sure you can make a living as a “Bible coach” because everyone knows Bible teaching is more or less “free.” However you can be a person who coaches business people, and Christian or non Christian, applies the most ancient, venerable wisdom to problems right now in the present. Do the self evaluation at http://www.perrymarshall.com/pink-koolaid and use it to find a niche.
July 29, 2013 at 8:29 am
Also, if you’re a Renaissance Club member my staff can give you access to a recording I did at Dream Chicago, and a handout that goes with it. I Think it would help you considerably. It’s a greatly expanded version of the “Pink Koolaid” exercise.
July 29, 2013 at 12:33 pm
Monday, July 29, 2013 1:32 pm EDT.
Kevin, I hear you. You have only 10 days to find the rent. You’re not in a good position financially. I have some good advice for today: you cannot launch a coaching career instantly in order to make the August rent. You will become homeless because you’ll be given an eviction notice, the prelude to a disastrous encounter with the worst side of charity and the legal system. Without the money for the rent, you have no money to advertise, even to print flyers and post them in grocery stores and the like.
Number One: Ask your landlord for extra time to pay the rent this month. See if you can pay late and pay a late fee this time (some apartment or house rental leases contain such a provision, not to be used on an ongoing basis, of course).
In your position, there are only a few other options.
(1) If you already had some self-employment going, you could pray for and work towards getting new clients to sign up to the tune of a chunk of money in advance.
(2) Without such a base, you absolutely must find low-wage employment on someone else’s payroll (low-wage is the only type of work that can be found instantly, like washing dishes in a restaurant or even being a waiter, which involves the better benefit of tips).
(3) If that’s not an option because you are having problems with shattered sleep, you must swallow your pride and beg (a) from family, (b) from friends, (c) from a local church or synagogue, whether you attend regularly or not, or (d) Social Services or a local charity (ask who has an “Eviction Prevention Program” … it won’t prevent your getting the eviction notice, but will require you to sign that you’ll never be late again with your rent).
Once you have this month’s rent, stay glued to a job with a steady paycheck until you can build up your Bible coaching on the side (nights and weekends or whatever time of day is available).
When you apply for work, go in with an easy demeanor that doesn’t betray your crisis. You’ll have to sort out those employers who pay only once a month or every two weeks from those who might pay you right away, or at least weekly. Expect that the first of a weekly paycheck will come two weeks or even later after you begin work.
Bottom line: You’re going to have to beg for the August rent (pray for the courage to do it, for your own survival), and then immediately go to work on getting a steady job (even part-time would help). Never try to launch self-employment from a financial base of zero when no one else’s salary is backing you up. It’s suicide. God doesn’t like gamblers *that* much!
July 29, 2013 at 12:47 pm
Monday, July 29, 2013 1:46 pm EDT.
Kevin, Just one more question. You said you’ve always volunteered your labor in exchange for room and board, but you’re unable to pay the rent this month. “Board” means “rent.” Are you currently in a rental where you have to pay money for the rent instead of doing volunteer work?
August 24, 2013 at 11:21 pm
Yes, I have to pay money. Got through August. Would like a solution to the rest of the year. I appreciate all the advice that has been shared with me.
August 25, 2013 at 8:04 am
Kevin, I’m answering you in a long post below (search for my name), because here my reply will be squeezed into a column that’s too narrow.
July 29, 2013 at 8:35 pm
Go apply for community programs like Section 8 and food stamps and all the freebies. How many do it without even trying to find a job so they can BBQ the free food they get for their 10 kids? Thousands, if not millions. Well, you can be one of the few who uses it and really actually needs it until you can go find a job.
There are so many handout programs these days it’s crazy. You’ll live better than you ever have before probably!
In the meantime, stop volunteering. Go offer your services for a fair exchange of VALUE to someone…namely MONEY.
However, if you don’t value yourself, then nobody else will. If you don’t value yourself, then go check out Maxwell Maltz’s “Psycho-Cybernetics.” I am. Probably at your public library. And ask for a job application at the same time…
August 25, 2013 at 8:06 am
Congratulations on clearing the first of many difficult hurdles, Kevin. Now you have only 16 days (max) to come up with the September rent. Then there’s food, and trying to ignore the electric, phone, and other bills that are piling up on you.
Good advice:
1. Do not get sucked into telephone conversations about your bills. The phone company, especially, will ask you what you can pay so that you and they can come to a “mutual” agreement. It will never be mutual. Whatever number you suggest, they will increase it unilaterally (not mutually!), and threaten to cut off your service if their own unilaterally-demanded amount is not paid by their own unilaterally-determined deadline. A good phone company will charge interest on any unpaid balance, leaving you free to focus on earning the money to pay your bill and eliminating future interest. If you are on the phone with them, casually mention that you are considering just using your cell phone (true or not). This may induce them to be more cooperative.
2. Your brain is the source of your supply in every way. By your brain, you will pick a course of action and direct your feet to take you to where your hands will act.
3. Prioritize:
.. a) Protect your sleep and don’t sacrifice it to worrying. Take 5 mg melatonin at 10 pm, plus 500 mg GABA, glycine & L-arginine. Then get 1-2 hours of bright light (outdoors or from a light box) in the morning after your lowest body temperature has bottomed out … or in the evening if your problem is getting sleepy too early in the evening. Search online for Circadian Rhythm Sleep Disorders, etc. if your sleep is a problem — it usually is for anyone having a hard time earning or managing money. (Try http://www.csd-n.org)
.. b) Get money coming in (beg, borrow, earn … please do not steal!). Don’t buy groceries on a credit card (that’s a sure sign of impending doom if you don’t have an income).
.. c) Make sure your rent is paid first. Move to cheaper quarters if necessary and if possible.
.. d) Then do what’s needed to keep your electricity on, for the refrigerator to preserve your food, for adequate lighting, and for your computer needs.
.. e) Get free food (this will be carbs and sugars, not protein or greens, so be forewarned). This might come before establishing your income unless you don’t have money to take a bus to the local food pantry (food banks warehouse the charitable food and distribute it to the food pantries, where the public can pick it up). It takes too much time to chase free food, but you may have no choice for a while (a month, a year…). This is why you need to stay focused on getting a paycheck: to eliminate standing in line for food, and to buy better nutrition (which gives you both energy and time to solve your problems and to work).
.. f) Protect (or get) your computer and high-speed internet connection (cable is best unless you can get fiber-optic). These can help you find and purchase used auto parts, etc., or even a job).
.. g) Slash your phone bill (how does $150/year sound?):
….. 1) Use a computer phone (I use plain magicJack and a regular ole-timey phone with no problems, and forward incoming calls to my cell phone; I got magicJack at CVS pharmacy for about $30, & pay about $20-$30/year on it).
….. 2) Apply online for a free cell phone for low-income people if you are eligible (e.g., http://www.safelink.com). It’s much simpler than you could ever imagine. Forward your incoming VOIP (computer-based) phone calls to this cell phone, which has plenty of monthly free minutes to accommodate answering calls to say you’ll call back on your computer phone (where calling out is free and you’re not eating up your free cell phone minutes).
….. 3) Keep your land line for 911 and fax (about $20/mo.), plus weather emergencies when cell phones may not work.
.. h) Make a list of creditors and pay each one $1 per month. Believe it or not, this small act on your part will *prevent* bills from going into collection, because it prevents them from going into past-due status. As you are able, increase all these payments equally ($5/mo., etc.)
.. i) When you have a small lump sum of money to pay towards bills, pay off any credit card debt first (credit card interest is about the worst and most needless hole in your pocket).
.. j) Start a “poor man’s savings” program: put a nice new $1 dollar bill in a safe place where you will forget about it. Replace it at some point with $5, then $10, etc. When you have $50, put it in your free checking account and transfer it to an online brokerage account (like http://www.sharebuilder.com where no minimum balance is required and fees are low). Use “automatic investing,” which you can turn on and off at will, to plow $50 at a time into 15% bond index fund (try BND – Vanguard Total Bond Market ETF) and 85% stock index fund (SPY – Standard and Poor’s 500 Index SPDR). You can do less, of course, but your fees are $4-$8 for two automatic “trades.” (I get a nice discount through my Costco membership.) Only add money when you are able at this point, and turn the automatic to OFF after the transaction has posted (or set it to work only “when money is available”).
You get the idea. Act as if you will survive, and look at this list as a working plan to not just survive but eventually thrive. When things don’t work, keep getting back on track, starting at the top of the priority list again. You want to get to the place where the money you earn is working for you.
July 29, 2013 at 7:45 pm
This post is wonderful nourishment to my spirit as I am currently visiting my family who don’t aspire to greatness – I love them but they aspire to be comfortable. Reading Perry’s posts keep me inspired!
August 25, 2013 at 2:02 pm
Thank you. Thank your for the other point of view, the godly one, the one that reminds me not to give up, that reminds me why God put me on such an unexpected path so late. Why me? Why not?
September 9, 2013 at 9:33 pm
Barry… you are the solution to the problems that has been impressed on you. Go for it!
August 28, 2013 at 8:49 pm
Perry, It’s been a while since I stopped by. I got the 80/20 book and I am SLOWLY reading it. I read this post and it was so timely. I have dealt with A LOT of the non-sense that I was going through. I hit rock bottom and had no where but up at that point and have made dramatic strides. This post you wrote reminds me of some wise counsel I received from a Pastor a few years ago. I asked him, how do you know where you are going? He said, “hen I get in my car at night and drive to the airport and I turn my headlights on, they do not shine the entire way, they only shine so far. But that is all need because once I am there, the lights continue to shine further and i just keep following until i reach my destination”. Wise words that I now live by. Peace brother!
November 17, 2013 at 10:22 am
Amazing insight!
It was another piece to the puzzle of my life. It always fantastic to come across experiences that help me understand my own mental wiring and how I can improve it.
This article is incredibly empowering. It is nice to know we all get butterflies. Thank you for showing me it is normal and how to push ahead.
November 17, 2013 at 10:45 am
Perry, this is great post! I always had a bit of trouble making sense of the word humility, but with some of the other definitions you noted in this post, it all makes better sense now! And I really like this line of thought…“Humility is also accepting and acknowledging the gifts you do have, and using them without shame.”
Thank you for this!
November 21, 2013 at 1:27 pm
Excellent post. I’ve found that most of the time other people are aware of our strengths more than ourselves. For someone else to have faith in me means it’s time for me to perhaps take another look inside and step up to the challenge. It’s getting out of our comfort zones that make all the difference!
December 8, 2013 at 10:42 am
Great message as usual Perry! If we want to contact your team to see if they could potentially help us with our business how do we do so?
December 9, 2013 at 10:50 am
Open a support ticket or call.
December 15, 2013 at 11:51 pm
I agree totally with your conclusion here, Perry. Something similar once happened to me. It was a wild ride and a lot of hard work and late hours, but it all worked out in the end.
I have read that everyone gets one or maybe two great opportunities handed to them in life — and you never know if you’re going to get the second one. So take the first if it checks out.
When God does you a favor, He knows what He’s doing. Don’t question your ability to pull it off. Just do your homework and prayerfully do the job.
It is an experience not to be missed!
Thanks for the powerful message.
December 16, 2013 at 5:54 am
This is an inspired post, Perry. If for no one else but me. I am sincerely grateful. Thanks.
February 10, 2014 at 3:26 pm
Perry, what do think Jesus meant by “He who exalts himself shall be humbled and He who humbles himself shall be exalted”? Do we have evidence from early Christian writings how they were taught to view humility and marketing? Thanks.
February 12, 2014 at 1:28 pm
Rene, here’s the first “self promotion” example from the Bible that comes to mind:
22 David left his things with the keeper of supplies and hurried out to the ranks to greet his brothers. 23 As he was talking with them, Goliath, the Philistine champion from Gath, came out from the Philistine ranks. Then David heard him shout his usual taunt to the army of Israel.
24 As soon as the Israelite army saw him, they began to run away in fright. 25 “Have you seen the giant?” the men asked. “He comes out each day to defy Israel. The king has offered a huge reward to anyone who kills him. He will give that man one of his daughters for a wife, and the man’s entire family will be exempted from paying taxes!”
26 David asked the soldiers standing nearby, “What will a man get for killing this Philistine and ending his defiance of Israel? Who is this pagan Philistine anyway, that he is allowed to defy the armies of the living God?”
27 And these men gave David the same reply. They said, “Yes, that is the reward for killing him.”
28 But when David’s oldest brother, Eliab, heard David talking to the men, he was angry. “What are you doing around here anyway?” he demanded. “What about those few sheep you’re supposed to be taking care of? I know about your pride and deceit. You just want to see the battle!”
29 “What have I done now?” David replied. “I was only asking a question!” 30 He walked over to some others and asked them the same thing and received the same answer. 31 Then David’s question was reported to King Saul, and the king sent for him.
David Kills Goliath
32 “Don’t worry about this Philistine,” David told Saul. “I’ll go fight him!”
33 “Don’t be ridiculous!” Saul replied. “There’s no way you can fight this Philistine and possibly win! You’re only a boy, and he’s been a man of war since his youth.”
34 But David persisted. “I have been taking care of my father’s sheep and goats,” he said. “When a lion or a bear comes to steal a lamb from the flock, 35 I go after it with a club and rescue the lamb from its mouth. If the animal turns on me, I catch it by the jaw and club it to death. 36 I have done this to both lions and bears, and I’ll do it to this pagan Philistine, too, for he has defied the armies of the living God! 37 The Lord who rescued me from the claws of the lion and the bear will rescue me from this Philistine!”
Saul finally consented. “All right, go ahead,” he said. “And may the Lord be with you!”
There was NOTHING wrong with David stepping forward and telling Saul what he was capable of and if he hadn’t, he’d be doing a disservice to his country and his king.
That’s what marketing and selling is. It’s telling your customer that you can kill Goliath.
I think “exalting” yourself in the Jesus context is taking what is not rightfully yours, claiming to be able to do more than you can actually do.
February 24, 2014 at 11:11 am
Thanks King Hiram, priceless advice.
This has to be your best article ever. Please continue.
In my career I move from one stretch goal to another; never have had a complete peace of mind about level of qualifications. I certainly don’t have as many as most around me. It seems as though the Humility Demon is sitting on my shoulder all of the time; constantly saying “if you don’t pretend you know exactly what you are doing and have the needed answers then you are going to look like an idiot. You don’t want to look like an idiot, do you?”
Your advice to ask for help when needed is so relevant.
May the Spirit of the Most High continue to overshadow you.
April 27, 2014 at 9:19 pm
This email is exactly what we preach at my church and what the prophet Norma Borrero from Chicago told us when she visited us recently. The Bronx and basically us humans have these fears but once we conquer them we can reach our true potential. I’m happy that I suscribe to your emails and purchased your 80/20 book. God bless you Perry Marshall. I’m confident that Norma’s prophecies will come true especially since I listen to your great teachings and as Jesus said in the Bible, “…what you hear will be added to you”. Thanks brother.
April 27, 2014 at 9:47 pm
Wow…Awesome post. Really needed to read this. God is amazing as he continues to bring me material that empowers me. Thank you
April 6, 2015 at 4:39 am
Fantastic article!