One year ago today was “Gotcha! Day.” On December 4 2011, we met Zoe for the first time in Nanchang, China. Recently one of my customers Deb Gallardo (who I had never met or spoken to) contacted us and said she’d felt inspired to write a song.
Deb’s song was inspired by Robert from Guangzhou, who graciously invited us to his home about a week after we got Zoe. Robert was watching all of this with fascination and at the end of dinner he looked up and said, “I see something very interesting about Zoe. She understands Chinese, and she doesn’t understand English, but she still loves you and understands what you’re saying. She knows you’re her family.”
“She’s listening to you through her heart.”
Deb’s song is called “Listening Through My Heart.” Not only did she write the song, have it orchestrated and recorded, she summoned the talents of Story Ideas Virtuoso to create slides from the pictures on Laura’s blog. Our good friend Rachel Allen recorded vocals.
Watch and listen:
What a year this has been. But before I recount it, let me rewind a bit.
The adoption blogosphere has its own lingo. I am what they affectionately call an RH. RH stands for Reluctant Husband. The first time I remember the idea of us adopting ever coming up was probably 20 years ago, before we even had kids.
“You want to do WHAT???”
Laura’s dad was adopted, and every time she’d hear something on the radio about adoption (you might have noticed people hardly ever talk about it on TV), she would speak longingly about doing something like that.
This woman must be crazy.
We let out the clutch slowly. It started with taking in a temporary foster daughter for 3 months 14 years ago. Then after kid #4 I had a little, uh, outpatient surgery and we decided that any more kids were going to be adopted.
This began in earnest in ’07, at which time I was dealing with a pile of personal junk, kids ages 3, 7, 9 and 11, our marriage was in rough shape and I couldn’t imagine adding more apples to our teetering, careening apple cart.
But in all seriousness, God’s deal with me has always seemed to be: “You take care of the things I care about and I’ll take care of you.” (Notice by the way, this was not “My deal with God.” Mine would’ve been, I dunno, something like “You take care of me first and I’ll think about taking care of somebody else’s kids… not now, later.”)
I literally decided to just get ahold of myself and let Laura pursue this thing and I would give her my support. That’s the deal.
I kept having to remind myself: “Perry, for YOU this is just one more kid. For the boy or girl you adopt, this is the difference between A family vs. NO family.” I have some friends who volunteer at Dream Chicago. They go into inner city schools and institutions and talk to kids about their dreams.
They did this just a couple of weeks ago and yeah, the kids talked about becoming rappers or famous basketball stars. But more than anything, most of them dreamed about:
HAVING A FAMILY.
That’s it. So simple.
But if you’re a little girl in an orphanage in Xinyu, China or Plevin, Bulgaria, the trip from your crib to a loving home might as well be 12 million light years.
So the way all this works is, you do mounds of paperwork, then you get some approvals, then you do more paperwork. And in the case of China, after the paperwork is done you can finally seriously consider applying to adopt one of the kids on the lists of kids available for adoption.
We were determined to take a special needs kid and we literally had to decide how extreme of a special need we were willing to deal with. When you do birth the natural way, mother nature decides stuff like that. When you adopt, you choose.
We literally looked at a list of birth defects as long as your arm and discussed how much we felt we could take on. We decided that our goal was to take on something that with time and trouble and TLC could be corrected or lived with. This turns out to be a very long list.
A girl with “fibular hemimelia” (a missing fibula on her right leg) seemed just about right.
There was even another girl that we tried to adopt, but another family applied for her first. But not after I’d thrown my heart into it, and Laura’s too. Her name was AJ. It was kind of a tough reset when that didn’t work out and we had to start over.
Sometimes you go through stuff where your heart has to get a little bigger, and a little tougher at the same time.
A few months ago Laura found AJ’s family in the blogging world. AJ just had both ill-formed legs amputated at the knee and fitted with prosthetics. She’s up and walking, and doing fantastic.
We thought we’d take a similar path with Zoe, but Laura came up with this idea of a special prosthetic extension. Our prosthetic doctors had never made something quite like that before but it works very well and Zoe wears it most of the time now.
I can’t tell you what brothers and sisters do for an orphan kid. When we first got Zoe I thought she must be an extreme introvert. Obviously she processed stuff internally. She was stoic, unemotional. After the first day she wouldn’t let me hold her and she didn’t really like anyone but Laura.
But then Z-Man started playing with her and she started enjoying her brothers. Little by little she began to play and smile and come out of her shell. About 4 days later she started feeding me her crackers and then she let me hold her.
We got home from China and she met her big sister for the first time – they hit it off famously – and for a couple of weeks we barely went anywhere. For us the whole Christmas season was very quiet. Laura didn’t let a lot of people come over, making sure that Zoe knew who her family is and isn’t. Little by little we started taking her out.
Well lemme tell ya, she’s not an introvert at all. She’s a ham. Her favorite game (like all the rest of my kids when they were that age) is “1-2-3 Smash.” It’s played on mama’s bed or the soft couch and involves lots of flying through the air.
Early on, our daughter suggested we should get a handicapped sticker. “Handicapped? Huh? Because your sister has a prosthetic on one leg??? We ain’t labeling her with THAT, just to score an easy parking space.”
One year in, Zoe is no different to us than a natural born kid. She’s starting to talk in sentences, handles English as well as if she were born here, and she’s very smart. She kind of has a centering influence on everyone, especially the kids, who LIKE to come home and play with their little sister.
I think some famous person said “There’s nothing more extraordinary than an ordinary family” and it’s true. And to all the Reluctant Husbands out there, I hear you with my RH ears and I feel your pain. I really do. But remember, on the other side of struggle is breakthrough.
It’s been gratifying to hear from people all over the world who’ve said to us in the last year, “I read your story and I decided to adopt.” Congratulations. God bless all of you.
Perry Marshall
P.S.: We know MANY families who would dearly LOVE to adopt… but can’t afford the high fees. (The government red tape of adoption is a bit of a racket, but any price of giving a kid a family is cheap in my book.) If you would like to help fund an adoption for someone, contact [email protected] and my able and capable wife will connect you with a loving and willing family.
My Adoption Blog
- First Day in Beijing
- Kids Playing with Needles, Tiananmen Square & Raging Capitalism
- A glimpse at the most beautiful place on earth
- Orphan Story, Adoption Story
- China Pollution: Normal Day vs. Good Day
- I’m A Dad Again: Day 7!
- It doesn’t get more international than this!
- I got a toddler for Christmas!
Laura’s adoption blog: Lots of Pictures!
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About the Author
Perry Marshall has launched two revolutions in sales and marketing. In Pay-Per-Click advertising, he pioneered best practices and wrote the world's best selling book on Google advertising. And he's driven the 80/20 Principle deeper than any other author, creating a new movement in business.
He is referenced across the Internet and by Harvard Business Review, The New York Times, INC and Forbes Magazine.
16 Comments on “1 year ago, I adopted my China Princess!”
Perry- You had me pondering your quote all afternoon and this morning “You take care of the things I care about and I’ll take care of you.”
How profound and it is a good summary statement of a chunk of scripture!
Thanks for sharing your life brother.
Brian
It’s that dang sermon on the mount, eh?
You are truly blessed for having the opportunity to give love to this little girl.
Life is bringing back a lot of what you gave in the past.
Gday Perry
I have followed this story since it began and sit here with special thanks that there are people like you and your family on this earth!
This song and the accompanying images brought tears to my eyes – best wishes to you, your wife and whole family at Christmas – you are very special indeed!
best wishes – Kym :)
Hi Perry and Laura
Thanks for letting me share in
your joy with your china Princess
Zoe…she is beautiful…as the
years go by…you will be the
reason why her inner beauty will
show to its highest degree….
Regards
Larry
Perry,
First, just gotta say this is a lovely song and video! Your adoption story has certainly inspired me and this video is evidence that your family has inspired many others, too. Thanks to you and Laura for sharing your journey.
Secondly…I thought of Zoe a month ago. We took Maddie (age 3.5) to visit Great-Grandma in the hospital. Maddie is a fashion diva and loves shoes, just like Zoe. She’s been matching outfits and accessories in my closet since she was 14 months old, but on this particular day she insisted on wearing mis-matched shoes.
After she put her first shoe on, Brian handed her the match. She crinkled her nose with disgust… “Not THAT one, Daddy!” (What was he thinking?!?!)
So, off she went to the hospital where she got all kinds of attention from patients and nurses for her “stylish” mismatched shoes.
And, why not?? Who says shoes have to match? Knowing Zoe’s propensity for shoes, it made me think of her and all of the “pre-conceived notions” she’ll smash through with her dynamic personality and drive. Who knows…she and/or Maddie could start a business one day, creating some hot trend selling mismatched shoes. :)
Merry Christmas,
Susan
Thanks for sharing Perry…it´s amazing how she´s
adapting to her new home plus she looks great.Nice song
also!
May the God of mercy keep blesing you all!
Orestes
You can just see her blossom and that says it all!
Perry, well done.
Whatever the ins and outs, doing anything like this takes courage – and deserves respect.
The 6th of December is St Nicholas’ day – he’s the patron Saint of children. It’s the Dutch Christmas. As a kid we always had “Little Christmas” where slippers were put by the fireplace (or the door, we lived in Asia). By morning a little present had appeared.
It works wonderfully to dispel much of the Christmas – now what do they call it in schools? – the brew? Anyway, it clears the air.
And what timing!
God bless the Marshall family, near and far. Gem xx
Children represent God’s gift of innocence, goodness and faith we try to recapture as adults. Thanks for sharing your family’s blessing. It goes well beyond the value that I receive from your tremendous reservoir of valuable knowledge. I find myself rereading your articles and blogpost from months back. Again congratulations on your newest blessing, Zoe.
Hey! That’s Lenny Kravitz’s (rock musician) daughter’s name.
Van Quincy
Perry,
Thanks for sharing the video and that song. My heart was blessed. Zoe is beautiful.
May God continue to bless you and your family as you and Laura continue in the work He has called you to do.
Delores
You should have put a Warning Label on this blog to read with tissue handy! Heartwarming!
Great video and song! Truly happy for you and your family. Kudos to Deb the song writer!
Brian
Perry & Laura & family- In addition to all the people who long to or have already adopted, your blog posts, especially the YouTube video today are touching the hearts of many of us with powerful healing, all around the world. Thank you for your tireless caring and sharing that truly reaches far beyond your expectations.
Congratulations and thank you for sharing so much of your beautiful adoption story.
Like you, I am also the parent of an adopted child.
Though I’m sure you are aware of the documentary movie now making the rounds in theaters, Somewhere Between, I couldn’t resist mentioning it here. I know the movie is being widely publicized in the adoption community, but I think it has relevance for anyone who is sensitive to the trials and tribulations of growing up, and like your story, it is truly inspirational.
(I had nothing to do with the making of this movie. Having seen it recently, I’m raving about it to any audience I think will listen!)
Blessings to you and your family!
Mr Perry,
What you and your lovely, wife are doing is beyond Amazing.
That is true, Godly love!
May GOD continue to bless and uphold you guys.