What’s the first thing you think when you read that?
Does it trigger any impulses?
It’s just pregnant with possibilities, isn’t it? You could go a thousand directions with it. With an intro like that, at the very minimum you’re guaranteed to start with a hearty nod of agreement from a whole bunch of people.
Whether you fly high with your next sentence or fall flat on your face depends entirely on how well you read your audience. If you know what itch they’re dying to scratch, then you’ve got the opening shot of a great fundraising letter… a scintillating email subject line… a launch pad for your newest manifesto.
This wouldn’t have to be about ‘obvious’ political items, either. It could be a mailing list broker ranting about incompetence and waste in the U.S. Post Office. It could be about the latest security flaw in Microsoft Windows.
It could be about some bankruptcy judge that just got elected in Rhame, North Dakota – the one that’s about to trigger an avalanche of financial woes onto our unsuspecting populace. You can have all kinds of fun with this. If the person you’re talking to agrees, you’ve formed an instant bond.
The road to revolution is paved with feelings of brokenness, rage, lost hope and spoiled ambitions. The politicos shamelessly exploit this.
When our very foundations of peace, freedom and prosperity teeter on the edge of the abyss….
When the enemy strains every rippling muscle to pull civilization over the edge, you can’t help yourself. You boil with rage, hang on every word.
You could go the opposite direction, too: You can be sarcastic.
In an email for a client’s newsletter, which I ghost wrote, we addressed…
~~~
SUBJECT: The Dark Specter of Mailroom Theft
Every time we send out our new catalog, police reports get filed over missing issues. Somebody’s always layin’ their grimy hands on your stuff and walking off with it, you know?
One of these days we’re just going to put the catalog on a milk carton and post a reward.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I’ll have you know that we at B&B Electronics take Mailroom Theft very, very seriously. Mailroom Theft is punishable by fine and possible imprisonment.
In fact we take this so seriously that I am going to give you the phone number for the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. I suspect that if enough catalogs get stolen we can raise the current YELLOW threat advisory to ORANGE.
If your catalog has been stolen, you are instructed to call (202)555-8495 and report the incident to the Feds immediately.
After you have notified the authorities, call our office at (815)433-5100 to request your replacement copy.
~~~
That invitation to call Homeland Security, including their phone number, was a small stupidity spasm on my part. Fortunately Mike Fahrion, who has final editorial authority, chopped out that little part and did not invite 10,000+ people to call the Feds.
Sometimes us copywriters do take things a bit far, especially in the wee hours of the morning.
And now you can rest assured, as long as we copywriters ply our trade, something IS desperately wrong in America. So as long as we’re all dysfunctional, why not celebrate it?
Perry
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About the Author
Perry Marshall has launched two revolutions in sales and marketing. In Pay-Per-Click advertising, he pioneered best practices and wrote the world's best selling book on Google advertising. And he's driven the 80/20 Principle deeper than any other author, creating a new movement in business.
He is referenced across the Internet and by Harvard Business Review, The New York Times, INC and Forbes Magazine.
16 Comments on “Something is Desperately Wrong in America”
Another one of you posts that really grabbed my attention. But, then, that’s why I keep receiving your emails. Thanks.
Great subject line. I bet it had a big effect on people. HAHA! My buddy Mike uses the same style as yours. It works very well.
For some reason, I thought for sure you were going to write about education. ;) LOVE the subject line! Mind if I borrow it?!?
Hey, it’s not like I own the rights to that phrase….
I should have said, “I AM borrowing it!” Actually, it’s the perfect title/subject line for the article I started earlier today. (Why does that not surprise me?) I hadn’t tackled the title yet, but I am pretty certain this one is a bit edgier than the one I would have come up with on my own. Thanks for the idea…and for saving me the trouble!
Wow. I actually want that catalog. Can I call that second number without harrassing someone? I suspect it really is the number to B&B.
You certainly can
Hey Perry-Great post and always intriguing. Been a long time since I have been back to your blog and looks like I have a whole lot to catch up on.
Thanks.
Scott
Damn that was such a good line email header line, but the article didn’t reward me, as I actually wanted to engage the issue!. I’ll still come back
Spanish Proverb:
I no longer want the cheese, I just want to get out of the trap!
Searchengineman
I clicked on it as soon as I read the headline! Very effective…copywriting does require mastery and strategy…carefully twisting words to conjure images and stir up emotions…could you share the open rate and clickthrough of this headline? thanks… :)
There’s no clickthru to measure. Open rate as of right now, 7 or 8 hours later, is 12%. Eventually will probably be 20%. Went to a fairly wide section of the list so that’s a good #.
Hey Perry,
Love the creativity! You are right, though, that you gotta know your audience. When I get subject lines like that more than 1x per week from the same newsletters I get, I unsubscribe. It says to me that they have run out of real things to say.
I always read your emails :)
Perry,
That call to action might have been a way to create a list of some very charged up constituents.
It sounds like fun but I think it would of pissed a few people off.
I have deleted 99% of the e-mail stuff that comes to me from marketers,you made the cut your in the top 1%
It’s you, Seth Godin,Chris Brogan.
Thank you for your insight.
Pete Kici
Perry, I thought you were really going somewhere with that post. The subject line grabbed me by the lapels, wrenching me out of my seat and slapping me into attention…
…but then it fizzled out.
I know you know.
I know that you know that you know.
Are the feds tapping your emails now too?
Just say it next time Perry.
Don’t hold back.
The Feds are reading every single one. So is Google. Big Brother is everywhere.
Perry,
You got my heart racing with that email subject line. Knowing what you do and how you do it, I expect nothing less!
Paul