Sometimes your quest for the legal tender gets you into hot water. Let me tell you a most harrowing story of one of my early paying jobs.
I got paid $25 to be the sound man for weddings.
For a 15 year old kid, that was pretty good money.
So one day during the wedding ceremony I’m on the job and this couple is getting married and the piano begins to play and the soloist starts to sing.
But the singer’s microphone is not working. Her voice sounds weak and frail and you can barely hear her over the piano. I crank up the volume, adjust the input gain, and… nothing.
PANIC. FRANTIC SEARCH FOR REASON WHY. WHY IS THIS MICROPHONE NOT WORKING???
Then I realize: “I forgot to plug her microphone in!” Not only does it sound bad, but this lovely song is now going to be all screwed up on the tape I’m making for this couple.
Plus there’s another song coming up. I’ve GOT to fix this.
After the song was done, I crawled on my hands and knees down the side aisle of the church – no one could see me – and made my way to the edge of the stage where the microphone cable was laying there on the floor, inches away from the socket where it was supposed to be plugged in.
I inserted the connector into the socket.
There was a resounding audible CLICK – and suddenly – while the minister was speaking to this starry-eyed young couple about the joys and responsibilities of Holy Matrimony – the PA system started howling with LOUD feedback.
I had forgotten to turn the slider down on the microphone. And here I was at the corner of the stage, 100 feet from the mixing board.
I jumped up suddenly and BOLTED back up the aisle to the sound booth. While I was sprinting, the wedding guests experienced 10 eternal seconds of horrible obnoxious heart-pounding electrifying squealing.
Finally I reached my destination and turned the slider down.
As the squealing was suddenly cut off, you could hear the echo of that squeal die another eternal half-second death as it continued to resonate through the auditorium.
The minister murmured, “Excuse us” and continued with the ceremony.
My mind reeled. I felt the blood of mortifying embarrassment fill my face. I felt the adrenaline flush through my body. My head swam in lingering panic and aftershock. My ears were hot and my heart pounded and my palms were sweaty and I felt as though I ought to be dead.
Surely this did not just happen. This is impossible. No, this did not happen. No I did not just ruin some couple’s one and only wedding. Surely they’re not going to get divorced someday because the sound man wrecked the memory of the bride’s special day. Surely I am not so stupid as to forget to plug a microphone in, then crawl on my hands and knees to plug it in, and have forgotten to turn the slider down. Duh Perry, that’s where FEEDBACK comes from. Surely I am not so utterly STUPID as this.
I re-recorded the soloist during the reception… I edited the feedback out of the tape… I gave the couple their newly doctored cassette with profuse and profound apologies. They accepted my humble contrition and they were kind and forgiving and did not rake me over the coals. Nor did the minister, who was my dad’s best friend.
But I replayed the memory of that experience over and over again for MONTHS. I shuttered that I had seen my typing teacher in the audience, and this was her first contact with me outside of school.
For a long time, the howling feedback was the first thing I thought of when I woke up every morning.
The guilt, the disgrace, the pure paralyzing STUPIDITY of it. The thought of having ruined someone’s one and only wedding. Because I was too stupid to plug the microphone in and check all the mics before show time.
There were consequences. I was on sound system probation for several months after that. I had to sit though a series of weddings for zero pay under a cocky guy named Tony who talked down to me as though I were a child. He explained the knobs on mixing board to me as though I were using them for the first time.
My humiliation was captured on video, too. One of my parent’s friends, Randy, told me he watched it. He thought seeing my head suddenly pop up and me speeding up the aisle, it was one of the funniest things he’d ever seen in his life. He was laughing so hard.
Most people think this is a pretty funny story when I tell it. But there is still a certain amount of ugggggh. Isn’t it odd how the interpretation of an event like that depends on your perspective?
Well… one thing I know, I’ll sure never forget to plug in a microphone again.
Another thing you can be sure of… if your work involves you in anything that actually *matters* to anyone, you’re going to have your share of disasters. Some of them are going to be pretty dramatic and make you feel pretty icky.
The thing I had to realize was, just because I had done this didn’t make me permanently stupid. It actually made me smarter, if I was willing to accept it and move on.
Yet I have to confess, there was a very powerful impulse that tempted me to define myself by this most-terrifying moment. To label myself as a permanently irresponsible loser. To live under the guilt and self-condemnation of this experience.
One of the things that many successful entrepreneurs have in common is: A bankruptcy.
Anyone who’s been through that can tell you how shameful it feels.
Those who have been through that horrifying experience, though they’d prefer to never repeat it, also know that the world does not come to an end. After that they’re less afraid to fail because they’ve been to the bottom and they know they lived to tell about it.
Truth is, it’s only as shameful as you make it. Obviously some people exploit bankruptcy laws so they can go on Mediterranean Cruises and not pay for them, but my customers are not those kinds of people.
Entrepreneurs have to take giant risks sometimes, but there are mechanisms in our society that allow risk takers who fail to not be saddled with that failure for the rest of their life. You do not have to be forever defined by your most humiliating moment. I always liked what Zig Ziglar said: “Failure is not a person. It is an event.”
Events are frozen in time. People change and grow.
One of the most courageous women I know spent a few days with her son in a homeless shelter. That’s how close to the bottom she got. She had left an unhealthy relationship that was providing a roof over her head, and she had nowhere else to go. But the homeless shelter with its smelly blankets and leering eyes was less damaging to her ego than that relationship was to her soul. I respect her more for the time she spent in that shelter, not less.
She is fearless. She is not afraid of ANYTHING.
Got a failure story? I’d love to hear it…. you’re welcome to share your own story in the comment box below.
We accept people who fail around here.
And of course… if there’s a victory that comes out of it, I’d like to hear about that, too.
Perry Marshall
Share This Post
About the Author
Perry Marshall has launched two revolutions in sales and marketing. In Pay-Per-Click advertising, he pioneered best practices and wrote the world's best selling book on Google advertising. And he's driven the 80/20 Principle deeper than any other author, creating a new movement in business.
He is referenced across the Internet and by Harvard Business Review, The New York Times, INC and Forbes Magazine.
60 Comments on “My most humiliating, most horrifying moment”
I just love Chris’ story…
Its positive and although he’s no millionaire he’s paying the bills and forging on.
The recurring thread in the greatest motivational liturature is just to keep your mind on what you WANT and off what you don’t want.
I wish everyone here a renewed stong beginning in 2009. GOOD LUCK
At aged 6, as a wee kid with far to much energy, my parents enrolled me in a judo class. Two years later I was entered into my first judo competition. I cried for an hour before my first fight due to nerves. My coach convinced me to focus on one fight at a time (whilst keeping an eye on the overall goal) – what a lesson to learn for an 8 year old. Anyway… I eventually won the Scottish Age band Championships… leading to the next 10 years of competing all over Europe, Japan and USA.
I was up for selection for the Junior European Championships and the choice was between myself and my arch enemy – the Welsh Dragon!
After much to-ing and fro-ing from the committee, they picked the dragon and left me as reserve. The decision was announced at a training camp far from Scotland, and I have never cried as much in my life, I embarrassed to say – partly because I rarely cry and partly because I know there are things far more important in life than a judo competition although I was just a young pup!
The embarrassment came when I had to face the rest of the squad – never have I had so many faces on me with such an utter look of pity as that day. I spent most of my time on the judo mat crawling about on my hands and knees (sound familiar Perry?) trying to hide!
It was the most instant heart wrenching moment of my life and the most embarrassing half an hour later and I still look back at it with a heavy heart and a red face.
It did teach me how to deal with rejection and how to focus on the things that are within my control – all worthy lessons in life, not just in business!
Cheers for the post Perry, I am a big fan of the chicken soup books and your post runs in line with them, except it is from people like me and stories like these make the journey just that little bit easier to bear!
Hi Perry,
Love your comments—indeed humiliating!
But we do learn from our mistakes! I am a retired Enginer who spent 40 years in operating management. Made many mistakes, learned much.
We installed a plastic sealing machine at the cost of $1.5 million–a lot of money in the ’80s– that should have started producing on day one. Two clamp bars griped the plastic, a hot wire cutting device moved between the bars, all at high speed.
Close tolerance and flexible knife reguired. 10 to 20 failures per day!!! Red ink.
I cringe at knowing it took daily 1 to 3 hour meetings for THREE MONTHS before I recognized that all we had to do was “insulates the clamp bars—stupid”. Not easy but doable.
IMPRINTED MESSAGE: Think outside the box!!!
Bob @ http://www.successfulfamilyreunions.org
Perry, this could not have been more timely to read…I am facing an imminent potential for bankruptcy right now. Believe me, this is a failure of epic proportions for a guy who’s never made a late payment in his life to suddenly not have the wherewithal to cover even the minimum payments.
I’ve recently read a lot of info marketers saying that now is a great opportunity in a down market, and that the cream rises to the top in tough economies, but it just leaves you feeling like something is somehow wrong with you. If the cream rises, then you must just be the milk…the common man…the failure to launch out of the Dilbert Cube.
And maybe it’s true…maybe I bought into the dream because it offered me a way out of the rat race (and initially I had great success which has now pretty much eroded away as the competition has gotten better but I apparently haven’t). I cast the blame entirely on myself, but ya know, it doesn’t make this feel any better.
Failure is not who I am though, and this is an incident, albeit a very painful one. Right now I can’t see beyond this mess…I don’t see any hope of coming out on the other side, but I know others have done this and come out the other side stronger, smarter, better. I hope that I have hope and that is pretty much the best I’ve got at the moment.
Sue,
Yeah. I agree. I was mortified then and I’m embarrassed still. GS
In my late 20’s, my CPA made a comment about how I couldn’t hold down a job for very long. I was ashamed and felt like I was a failure because I would never retire with the gold watch after 20 or 30 years of faithful employment.
I think God chose to speak to me one morning as I was driving to work and all down on myself as I thought about what my CPA had said to me. A light bulb turned on for me that morning and I began to see my career differently. I realized that I needed challenge and most of the time a new job would provide challenge for me for six or twelve months and then I was ready to move on to the next challenge. I actually worked myself out of several jobs where I simplified the work processes so much that they didn’t need me anymore.
As time went on, I realized that I didn’t fit the normal HR review process for raises and promotions. I absorbed information at lightning speeds, was a natural problem solver and my nature was to lead. My talent for evaluating and improving work processes would save companies so much time and money that they didn’t know what to think about me.
My point is that someone told me I was a failure because I couldn’t hold down a job. I refused to accept that label and began to look for ways to find challenging work. Ten years ago, I found that challenge when I started my own company offering Internet marketing and consulting.
Success for me was a matter of perception. I could be ashamed and embarrassed for not holding down a job or I could embrace the qualities that kept me from staying at a job very long and choose a career path that would challenge me. I chose challenge and that led to a much happier, fulfilling and successful career.
Hi Perry,
You have a very lively style of telling your story.
I really felt a pretty uncomfortable gut feeling while reeding it, and I can really relate to it.
But my most humiliating moment was of a different kind:
Here is the story ( including on how it has turned out at the end… ):
Almost four years ago, I was at a meeting at my bank, after I have used up all of my credit in a business startup project
(done in the wrong order: quitting my employee job first, then product development without market test, only having had one single, but big customer in the past.)
So I was sitting there in that meeting, with a balance of minus EUR 23000 on a credit line with a strict limit of EUR 20000, and after having burned about EUR 37000 of my own capital.
(In total I have burned around EUR 60000 within about 14 months and I was essentially broke.)
My customer list had exactly one entry and in the 12 months preceding that meeting, this single customer had bought about EUR 500 for a few hours of customisation of the software. ( before the 12 months that customer had bought considerably more, but after such a long period, essentially without sales, this didn’t make me look better… )
To this meeting at the bank I carried a heavy box full of folders containing all documents of my bookkeeping…
(They ridiculed about that… but before the meeting, on the phone I had asked what info they need and got not response, so I took everything with me…, just to be sure.)
Now I was sitting there and had to listen to the comments of the bankers like that:
“For us, you are not an entrepreneur.
For us, you are jobless.”
( that hurt )
“You have to use each and every
work hour productively”
( I already knew *that*.
I already knew about the value of time. )
They were really angry.
As I learned later, the main manager of that bank-department was close to retirement and wanted to hand over everything in good order. My loan clearly did not fit into that picture…
And there was something which added some additional spice to all of that: I already was father of a little child ( less than one year in age back then and my spouse was at home for caring for our child. ), so I had to keep the cash flow up for supporting my family.
Fortunately I managed to come out of this mess without needing to file bankruptcy and there was no single interruption in cash flow for supporting my family.
Primarily I managed to do that because I managed to keep myself sane and focused and acting without fear but with confidence that it will be resolved. ( and probably I had some luck, too )
I fixed the liquidity crisis with
a) a small loan from my father (having had to ask for that was also humiliating…) which calmed down the bankers a bit
b) and I quickly got myself a job by using the relationships and reputation which I had built in my previous job. Actually, I had two job offers with acceptable salary and I took the one who acted faster. :-)
Plus, I had luck with my entrepreneurial activities, because the two months before that event, I tried to engineer a turnaround with lots of different activities, one of which was to try affiliate marketing with the GoogleCash method, motivated by Chris Carpenter’s great ebook. I made some sales but couldn’t get it off ground quickly enough.
That got me pretty directly to purchasing your ebook “The Definitive Guide To Google AdWords”
which got me up to speed after some not-so-smart attempts of using Google Adwords ( doing split-testing with two accounts instead of using the built-in split-testing feature and stuff like that… )
Anyways, after the meeting with the bankers I had to quickly decide what to do with my product-without-customers.
So I decided to test the market for coming to a conclusion on whether to drop it or to continue with it.
Actually, I quickly put the prototype that I had into a working condition and set up my website for software download, combined with lead capturing. ( The Motivation for sign-up primarily was the download link. )
I advertised the web-page using Google Adwords.
Result:
1. I got traffic, so I knew that people were actively looking for what I was offering.
2. I managed to capture leads with a rate of one lead per day with a cost per lead of about one dollar.
3. I got feedback from my prospects because I asked for feedback in my short autoresponder sequence.
4. But no sales.
So, all in all this was enough result for me to decide to continue with it.
In the following months I modified the product according to the feedback from my prospects and about 6 months later I made my first sale, generated through my own marketing system… ( Wow, that was a really good feeling! )
Since then I consistently made sales, and I still improve my product according to customer feedback ( Kaizen principle… ).
The lead-capture rate is now at about 5 leads per day and growing.
Sales are still in a region where the project can still be considered in startup mode ( about $5000 / year )
and I still do it besides my employee job ( which is a good job in a good company ).
But, especially taking into account on how this all started, I consider the state of my own business already a success.
And, Perry, your ebook was one of the key triggers of this success.
Thanks a lot,
Chris
PS. I continue to invest in my marketing education up to this point in time and I feel that this will pay off big time.
PPS. I am still with the same bank and I have a good relationship with them now.
To Gary Simpson, NEVER ask a woman when she is due unless you are in the delivery room and can actually see the head crowning!
Perry-your post has an eggcorn (see eggcorns.lascribe.net for a definition)–“I shuttered”
Perhaps the most neglected & underappreciated “right” that we enjoy in our free society is the right to fall flat on our faces in failure. Without the guarantee of a safety net, we’re on our own. The “Right to Fail” is a big part of what makes us stronger.
I have “Central Auditory Perception Disorder”, or in layman terms, verbal and audio dyslexia. I didn’t talk until I was 4, and as a result, many children my age made fun of me.
Fast forward to junior high school, I played trumpet in jazz band and was normally quite good at it…at home and practice. However, the first time we had a concert in front of a large crowd was a holiday concert in front of several hundred people. I was paralyzed with stage fright and you guessed it, I screwed up my solo, bringing laughs and giggles from the crowd.
Fortunately my band director was a very kind soul, and worked with me in overcoming not only my stage fright, but also my shyness with others.
Now I conduct seminars in person, marketing products costing thousands of dollars, yet it’s now just a walk in the park, thanks to the teachings of my junior high band director, Mr. Dunn!
Thanks, Perry.
I competed show horses in rings for many decades. One of the most embarrassing things that can happen is getting dumped off your horse in the ring. If injury didn’t occur, you have to get back on and finish.
You know it will happen again. It takes a lot of schooling to lessen the unpredictable nature of horses. Most people watching a show know that but it feels nonetheless mortifying.
Sometimes it is the rider’s error; sometimes the horse just reacted. The end result, you are on the ground and your horse is running loose in the ring with reins flapping around his feet threatening to cause harm.
Why do we get back on? Because we love it and accept we will get dumped occasionally. This is true in any endeavor and with horses you know it is inevitable. I think if we looked at our businesses with the same perspective, we wouldn’t be so hard on ourselves when we took a misstep.
Here’s to acceptance of all stumbles.
Lois
LOL!!! Poor Mark! Please don’t misunderstand this but, hey, at least she wasn’t laughing! That must mean that whatever she saw was nothing to laugh about. I had a friend with a similar experience, but his happened on a busy field during high school gym class.
His best friend “pantsed” him in front of a group of girls. He was absolutely mortified! You could tell because his face turned fire engine red while telling the story… and it had been well over 10 years! :D
Hi! Perry,
Many thanks for sharing your story, we are only human who made mistakes and learned from it.
Thanks for sharing Perry! Your story did make me laugh.
My embarssing moment was my first day as a newbie salesperson. I was being introduced to a new VIP customer by my MD and was preparing to make a presentation from my laptop. As we were in a room without a table, I unzipped my laptop case so I could go through the presentation informally.
Unfortunately, I had forgotten to secure the travel straps and as I unzipped the case, my laptop shot out and landed on the feet of my customer! Yikes! My MD’s face was a picture … luckily he and the customer were old friends and we all had a good laugh about it.
I managed to give the presentation without my laptop and the customer … well he became one of my best customers! But he always trotted out the story of how we met!
Hi Perry,
Like Brad Sherwood I too am facing the dark end of the line and at almost 66 years old and precious little computer experience I will lose everything with little prospect of ever regaining it. I have tried and tried to work out this magical thing called internet marketing but am more confused now than when I started in April 2007.
As I don’t know any other Aussie marketers and lovely as the geek that fixes my computer is he has no idea as to what I mean in marketing terms and until I can find somebody who would show me one on one I’m doomed, and with 2 months of money left I don’t hold a lot of hope althought the flame isn’t quite extinguished yet.
I have had many situations of similar proportions to yours over the years but responsible people just work through knowing that it will come to an end and life will go on and get better, although $248.00 a week from the government doesn’t feel like it will make it better.
Thanks for sharing Maureen.
Perry,
I know your pain. I was a DJ for many years. I hosted thousands of parties. Everything you can imagine, weddings, bar-bat mitvahs, corporate events, holidays parties, etc. I have many embarrassing stories. For Example, I introduced to bride and groom by the wrong name(OOPPPPSSS).I have had my wirless mic cut in/out during the best man’s toast(ouch).
There is no feeling like that feeling when something is going wrong during a big event in someones life and your equipment is not working properly.I really can’t describe it.
Tim Vanderbilt
It feels so good to know that people you admire also make mistakes. I have made so many in my life I can’t remember one but right now I am horrified by the amount I spent on advertising or foolish mistakes that were cons. I think I need to reflect on this and perhaps write an article that may prevent others making the same mistakes,
To repeat them here without finding a way to cloak the businesses that conned me may be an even bigger mistake.
Keep on writing Perry you have the power to amuse make us think and many other things. We all feel as if we know you personally. Happy New Year
At my day job recently I sent out an email of client email addresses to all those clients. Extremely humiliating and I still don’t know how it happened. Unfortunately I’m still on probation at the company so i can’t get over it just yet, as it will no doubt have an impact on judgement day. I was hoping that reading Perry’s story would help.
The other one that comes to mind was crashing my pushbike in front of the entire school on a rainy day.
Justin
Thanks for your story Perry, it was hilarious. My mortified working moment was with the first business I started..lawn mowing. When I was 16 I offered no frills lawnmowing. One hot morning after a swim in my cut off jean shorts I went to a customers house and started mowing her lawn. About half way through I felt wind where there shouldn’t be any, and to my horror my shorts had ripped from the front right to the back. I quickly covered up with my t-shirt and went to the customer’s door. I said I had a problem. She said “I know, I saw you” but don’t worry I’m married and have seen it all before.” At that time I just wished the ground would swallow me up I was so mortified. I left and never came back.
It happens to the best of us Perry. :)
I remember a trip I took to Hawaii to spend the summer with my dad. We were visiting one of his friends, working at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel, and I saw this cute guy outside on the patio.
I tried to be coy and saunter past him… and waltzed right into a glass door. No… the glass didn’t crack…. but I won’t mention the damage to my pride and ego… :-D!!!
Hi Perry,
My first time here. I’m here because I saw your email and was intrigued about what you had done – having just this morning written over on my blog about a really STUPID mistake I made over a period of YEARS regarding list building.
I’ve bought some of your products in the past so I have a good idea of who you are and thought, “what could this guy have done?”
Anyway, the most EMBARASSING and HUMILIATING moment of my life was when I was in an elevator with all the senior Commissioners of a Public Service Utility that I worked at many years ago as a Junior Clerk .
This lady called Judy got in and everyone was really quiet so, dopey me, decided to ask, “when is the baby due Judy?”
She glared at me and said, “it’s NOT!” and then got out at the next floor in a really savage mood.
Red faced me stood there with my ears burning until one of the Commisioners said, “Nice work Mister Simpson.” Ugh. I could have died on the spot. When I got out and we all went to our various destinations, I went directly to the toilets and just flushed my face with cold water to wash away the shame. I’m still ashamed of saying it. Needless to say, I keep my mouth firmly shut in those situations now.
Hi Perry
I did a martial arts boardbreak as part of a personal development segment of one of my first public speakin gigs when i was 22 or so.
I prepared everything PERFECTLY.
So when i got to do the board breaks, I executed the first one PERFECTLY.
The only thing I hadnt done was to check that the plastic crates the wooden blocks were lying on were as ‘grippy’ to the boards as the building blocks i was used to.
IE I DID NOT REHEARSE THE ACTUAL BREAK!
So i executed one and twice etc perfectly but the boards kept slipping without breaking!
There was nothing wrong with my technique at all – but there WAS something wrong with my set up!
So take care to set up, rehearse AND execute!!!
Thanks, Perry.
If I had to choose my most embarrasing moment, it would be tough–there are so many. Of course, the more witnesses there are the more mortified we become. My biggest ‘failure’ so far has been not getting an opening in the career I trained for. It put me years behind in my financial goals when nothing happened. I had trained to be a preacher.
After the anguish started to subside, I sat down and figured out what I wanted to do–and it didn’t even have to be my main source of income, just something that would make me happy no matter what else happened. People who knew me before were stunned when I published my first science fiction book…said they never saw that coming!
While I’m waiting for the series to take off I’ve opened my own gift store. Funny thing is, I told myself bankruptcy would be the worst thing that could happen and so far it hasn’t. Perhaps over a decade of retail experience counts for something.
But the embarrasing stuff–it’s like hitting a deer on the road. You feel awful and for a while your confidence is shaken. When you finally forgive yourself you can drive with confidence again…assuming you were smart enough to wear your seatbelt. ;-)
My wedding was pretty embarrassing.
We had photographers (supplied by the reception centre) who could barely speak English. They would basically point (at us) and shoot.
They asked me and my husband to stand in front of the table and step back a little.
Well my wedding veil caught fire from the candles on the table. My mum leaned forward and clapped it out with her hands straight away though.
And the MC, a failed actor from The Young Doctors, was making jokes about Towering Inferno for the rest of the night – I’m kind of tall.
Then when we left, after checking with my husband that he had all the bags, we went one block before discoving that my main bag was missing. So we had to drive back, and get it.
That was 20 years ago, and I still get embarrassed.
And no, I never stand close to candles any more.
cheers
Perry,
Your story about the woman who chose living in a homeless shelter over rotting in a miserable relationship is worth repeating as often as we can. Too many people sacrifice their dignity and values for “things” – a nice house, the prospect of future inheritances, comfort and convenience. Some even think of themselves as cunning or swift for having figured out how to “play the game.” I’ve always felt that those people were profoundly mistaken about what really matters in life.
The woman you wrote about seems to have a much better handle on this than most. She deserves all of our admiration.
I can see you flying to correct the problem before everyone goes deaf!
I was about 28 years old and had been asked to speak at a professional organization for Astrologers. It was one of my 1st public speaking events, and I was super nervous. I ended up, probably giving the worst talk of my life, and everyone of the professionals there were critical of what I did.
The president critiqed every thing about me, from my clothes to my information. She had been my teacher, and one person it was important to impress.
I was so mortified by the way I did my presentation that I had a restless sleep that night.
I dreamt of myself as the symbol I had been talking of during the speech. I saw and experienced myself diving into a pool. I recognized I could belly flop over and over again, as I had flopped in the actual event, or chose to swim with full control, and gracefully dive into the pool of life experience.
I knew this was a metaphor for my life, and used it to fuel future successes.
Each time I realize I can belly flop and hurt my self or dive in with grace, speed and precision, I know the choice is mine.
I prefer to dive into life!
Great story. It is amazing how we remember those things that went wrong with so much emotion but barely remember all the things that went right.
Betty Fellows
http://www.bettyfellows.com
Sometimes its very comforting to hear a person’s embarrassing moments…specially from a well-known and successfull person…just makes me feel that its alright to make mistakes…and recover from it….it conveys an encouraging thing that its okey to make mistakes…its human…
When I was in college, I bought a corporation that owned a TV repair shop and two rural cable TV systems.
I learned a lot about business, while studying physics, math, accounting, retailing, marketing, and a lot of other stuff. Two years later, I discovered an easy way to analyze a business that explained why I wasn’t making any money (my competitors weren’t either).
I left and went to Corporate America where I worked 30 years. People thought I’d failed in business. I did too until I realized I owned a business that failed [because there wasn’t enough population to support me, much less me and 8 competitors!] and that’s not the same as failing in business.
You only fail in business when the value of the experience is less than the monetary loss incurred.
True failure occurs when you fail to even try.
Clarke Echols
Perry,
If you keep this type of honesty up, you’re going to have a lot of women falling in love with you!
Dusty
While on a double date with a friend in a Korean Restaurant I decided to appear cultured. I had learned a few Korean words and used them to order our meals. Of course no Asian meals was complete without Saki so we ordered some.
I wanted to expand my Korean vocabulary so while holding the Saki Cup I asked the waitress “What do you call this?”
With an indignant look and tone of voice to match she exclaims: “Saki Cup!”
My Vocabulary quest ended at that very moment!
Hilarious Perry – laughed my socks-off…
One of my red-faced moments was at 14 years old when in a packed classroom I called the teacher ¨Mom¨ … My peers yelled with laughter and it took ages to not feel humiliated at my verbal gaff!
Hi Perry,
Your story inspires us to accept our failures and move on.
One memorable experience was when I worked as a secretary in a critical care unit in a hospital many years ago.
My duties included making sure there was paper in the EKG machine and running hourly strips for the nurses and doctors to read.
A doctor came into the patient’s room and said he would be doing a carotid massage on his patient and would I please run the machine continuously during the procedure.
I decided that it would be a good idea to replace the paper roll to make sure that it did not run out of paper during the procedure. So, while I’m quickly exchanging a full roll for the one in the machine, the doctor comes out of the room to read the strip.
Needless to say, he had to do the procedure over again because I was replacing pape at the same time he was doing the procedure.
I felt awful for him, the patient, and myself. Fortunatey, it all turned out okay, but I never made that mistake again.
The doctor was irritated, but never said a word.
We move on. Some of our trials are ones that don’t affect anyone but ourselves and other times many people are involved. All we can do is learn and move along.
All the best,
Theresa
Sometimes you have to give up everything to gain peace of mind. I relate to the lady in your story. But here’s another one: A friend was being hounded because he wouldn’t do some illegal accounting- and was chased for years (think of all the money spent on attorneys for a few hundred dollars that it cost the bad man) until my friend finally declared bankruptcy to get the guy off his back. When it’s time to let go, you need to just let it go. Use every incident as a stepping stone- upward.
Hi Perry, thanks for sharing your story. While hearing people’s success stories is certainly inspiring, so is hearing stories like this, so we know we’re not alone when things go bad. I created a website built around a failure of mine (click on my name if you want to see it). More importantly, your quote by Zig Ziglar is one we should all remember. Happy holidays!
Kris
That was oddly encouraging considering I am sitting on the brink of possible bankruptcy after a year of risks and maxed out credit cards. The learning curve in this field is pretty steep especially if you’re a stubborn dumb ass like myself who thinks he can figure it all out for himself. I suppose I picked up this habit from years of trying to explain what I want am looking for from people who have no idea what page I’m on. Oddly, I have managed to muddle though some projects and get more or less the result I had originally envisioned. Maybe other people have this problem too of not being able to get their vision conveyed.
Now, after a year of trying to pick things up here and there and spending a fortune, I am just STARTING to figure it all out. Unfortuneately I am almost clean out of available credit and in the hole – aside from my mortgage – to the tune of about $70,000 probably closer to $80,000. I’m scared $#^#^less but also not if that makes any sense.
I have made pocket change so far on the internet. But I keep reading those darn emails in my inbox telling me how it is so possible to make tens of thousands of dollars per month online. And it sounds logical considering the depth and reach of the internet which only keeps growing. I want a piece of the action.
Currently I’ve defaulted in my efforts to attempting to build blogs and social sites monetized by Adsense. But then again my problem is TRAFFIC.
This is one of the few times if not the only times I have posted a reply like this but I just had to express how wierdly appropriate your article is to me right now.
Thanks Perry. You’re one of the few senders whose emails I open and read to the end.
Brad Sherwood
Thanks Perry! I love reading your stories.
When I was in my 20’s, I was driving RVs back to the Beloit, WI dealership from an Indiana manufacturer. We had to gas up before driving back, but instead of going to the usual gas station, I decided to go to a different one that was closer.
The only thing I didn’t realize was that there were awnings over the gasoline pumps and I took one out, put a deep scratch into the side of the RV, had the police come and then we had to call the dealership owner to make sure we had insurance to cover the damage.
I drove home with my tail between my legs, literally. Never had an accident with an RV after that.
When I was first thinking about becoming a consultant I took as many consultants as I could out for lunch. I asked them what it took to be a good consultant, how they got new work, etc.
Everyone of them told me that you had to be tough with clients, never tell them something that will allow them to replace you and nice consultants do not last in the business.
I decided that they were all wrong. My idea was that customers were looking for technology partners that were easy to knowledgeable, experienced, but work with them and not against them. Customers were looking service and not difficulty in working with external consultants.
I was told by all the consultants that I would be ‘eaten alive’ by customers. I was told by my bank manager that no one would pay me for ‘customer service’. I was told by my peers that no one would pay for someone like me to help them.
Well I could have listened to everyone else and not gone ahead with my consulting practice. But I was determined and I knew that I was right. It wasn’t that I did not have doubts. I had a lot of them but I had this one driving force that told me that I was more right.
Well that was over 25 years ago. I am still here and I am still selling ‘friendly’, ‘customer service’ based consulting services that helps customers solve their problems. We still work with our customers. We still share our knowledge with them and still get paid for our knowledge and experience.
I still love my ‘job’ and I have never had a time when I watch the clock hoping that time will pass so I can stop working and go home.
Thank you for letting me share this with you.
Terry Lewis
http://www.tmhrconsulting.com
Placed tons of ad’s my personal credit is a nightmare thinking of unplugging the personal phone again. I hide under a business name so I can make any money at all and have peace from the phone calls it’s saturday I plug back in my personal phone it’s a call from a creditor it’s so shameful having to tell them I lost my job and I’m disabled so I can’t do anything about it. Maybe someday I can afford to pay it off or file that dang word bankrupt.
Dear Perry,
What a great story and what great conclusions you drew from it.
When I was in graduate school I developed an autoimmune type of arthritis. When I tried to walk, I had to manage fainting intensities of pain. Once day instead of fainting, I stayed conscious and was transported to a great place of love. I didn’t just see the light and the end of the tunnel. I was in the middle of the light.
I came back from that experience I knew that the worst thing that could ever happen to me was that I would end up back in that place of great love. I also came back knowing that it was possible to heal my condition, although there was no guarantees that that would happen.
But just knowing it was possible gave me great strength, endurance, and perseverance.
Most people are afraid of pain and death. I’m not so happy about pain, but I lived with incapacitating amounts of it for years and years. I’m definately not afraid of it. I saw my life, as I had been living it almost totally fall apart. I’m not afraid of that either.
Because I was no longer afraid, I was fearless in seeking the answers I needed.
I eventually found ways to totally heal my condition. It took me 11 years, but I did it.
I have no more arthritis. And better yet, I have a pretty high success rate teaching others how to do this themselves.
I believe that when we can stay conscious and learn from our worst moments, especially those moments that challenge our self-concepts, it makes us better, more capable, more compassionate people.
It free us to learn and grow, and take the risks inherent in sharing the gift of who we truely are with the world.
But, Perry, I’m already preaching to the choir. It is obvious from your story, you already know this and it is part of why you are so sucessful.
Thanks for reminding us all about what is truely important.
God speed to you.
Wedding bliss turned disaster.
Reminds me of time back in 80s when a friend and I were providing music (DJs) for a wedding reception. Couple’s name was Avis and Louie. Avis was about 30, a bit overweight and had the looks that only a mother would love. Louie was about 50, skinny but looked a lot older. (Can you say ‘shotgun wedding’?).
Anyway, Louie arrives to reception drunk as a skunk. Proceeds to dance with every woman except his bride. Then after doing a spin move, passes out cold. His head hits dance floor face first. Blood begins to flow. Avis goes into hysterics. Paramedics eventually arrive and haul Louie off on a stretcher. Avis follows behind wailing. My friend and I take the cue and begin to gather up our equipment only to be met by some of Louie’s friends who say, “Where are you going, party’s not over yet?”
Too funny and a lasting memory for sure. Thanks for sharing your story Perry. I’ve also got another ‘failure’ story to share but will save that for another day.
Brian
My story goes back to the first time I was going to be laid off. I was working for a company that sold coupon programs for grocery stores. They were way ahead of their time but they were owned by one of the big banks in Canada. The bank shut us down and as part of that closure the laying off of the employees was to be done in four phases. I was slotted to be laid off in phases 1.
After we heard the news many of the employees went back to their desks stunned and they stopped doing their jobs.
I did not want to get into a bad rut so I just went back to doing my job. I actually seemed to have more passion for my job a renewed energy.
This was noticed and I actually ended up not being laid off until phase 3 and I had a chance to watch a company get phased out of business. I was also able to get my company to pay for training that allowed me to have stepping stone to my consulting business. The company even gave me some of their equipment for a couple of dollars instead of the hundreds of dollars it was worth.
I have never forgotten that lessen.
Terry Lewis
http://www.tmhrconsulting.com
Sometimes ignorance can work to your advantage. Many times in my life I’ve taken risks that resulted in experiences that you would assume would have been deeply humiliating.
However, by some quirk of the way my brain works, I don’t think about all the permuatations of ways I could screw-up and be embarrassed… and I’ve grown a lot as a result because – and this is totally true no matter what you are working to master – actual experience “in the field” trumps practice time in value.
I’m a musician sometimes and I’ve made some darned embarrassing gaffes in performing. Yet the embarrassment passes and people forgive you. Often an audience doesn’t even notice and they will think sloppy-proficient is pretty darn good.
You just gotta get out there and take risks. I’ve made some silly amounts of money with salesletters I wrote that would make me cringe now. Did I get lucky? maybe. Personally I think my enthususiasm made up for technical deficiencies.
Often people perceive you as you perceive yourself. If you are enthusiastic about what you are doing they will be enthusiastic about you doing it. If you project fear of failure they’ll reflect it back at you… and in the world of freelancing sometimes back-out or decline to pay.
It’s not totally accurate to say you have to enter every situation with a pumped-up sense of
confidence. That’s a sort of Type-A personality thing and while it may work for real go-getters it may actually undermine most other people.
What you do need, in my humble exeperience, is a willingness to go out, do the work, screw-up, learn from the experience and be better next time.
A lot of folks are too paralyzed with fear of failure or disapproval to even get started and take a risk. If that isn’t the way you are wired, consider yourself lucky, because a lot of people are.
I can relate. A year and a half after I graduated from vocational school for diesel mechanics, my first job in my field was to fuel trucks and park them when the drivers got back to the terminal from their run. I had lied to the manager about my experiance with driving the trucks, because I thought it was a way to get my foot in the door to being able to work on them. After 3hrs of training with the other guy that was also fueling, he asked if I could handle it on my own. I told him I could and the first truck I fueled alone, when I went to park it, I forgot to release the brakes and ruined four $400 tires. Of course, I got fired. I was devastated. I drove to my brother’s house to talk with his girlfriend about it. When I left after he had come home I told him not to say anything. The next day, the first thing he said when he walked into our mom’s restaurant was
tell everyone I had been fired on my first day. How embarrassing.
Take care,
David
Hi Perry,
Thanks for sharing your story. I’ve been
involved in the stage ministry so I know
how absolutely horrible it is to have 10
full seconds of terrorizing, agonizing
screaming feedback.
And to be the one responsible… at a
wedding – paralyzing.
Important thing is to move on from there
but sometimes, an external push and/or
pull from a friend/family is the thing
that can help get out of the trauma of
the crippling thought.
Thanks for sharing your story once again!
Asher
That story and its accompanying morale are timely for us right now.
We are staring down that barrel right now. As winter continues to squeeze its icy finger on that trigger, I’m hoping that all we hear in the spring is… click.
I’m 49 years old and have been in business for 31 years. I’ve never suffered a bankrupcy.
What a story but I think most people have had moments like that in life. You just have to release the feeling of the experience and not let it destroy your self esteem.
There is a reason for that old cliched saying, Learning by Doing.
Great story Perry…I can really relate to that.
I backed into a wedding cake one time, How humiliating that was.
Be well,
Mike
I love this story the image it put in my head made me laugh out loud.
I to have a similar story when at university one of my goals was to get my weight down to 70kg as I am only 5″7 and this would give me a healthy BMI. Any how as most will probably confess my first few times in the gym where daunting and quite intimidating and I did not do a lot to help myself when I fell on my face on the treadmill within the first week.
Although at the time it was mortally embarrasing there where generally people there who helped as a pose to pointing and laughing as you might think. That experience, although not at the time one I would have chosen, eradicated any trivial fears I held about working out and being seen in the gym..I’d fell on my face what else could I do to emberass myself.
I did actually reach my goal of 70kg in the end and maybe unconciously falling on my face helped.
Ha ha.
Hope my experience makes you laugh as much as the one above did.
Olly
Perry, that story is hilarious! I can’t imagine the sheer terror when you plugged that microphone in.
I had a similar experience in Chicago working with one of the more well known wedding bands in the suburbs. Thankfully I was just working in the band and not the sound man.
Picture this: an upscale banquet room, expensive wedding to say the least…the bride and groom begin the first dance and…just when the music starts the feedback began from the cassette tape that was playing over the system.
The result was xcruciating feedback for a total of 1 minute, 10 seconds. (the leader told me later he timed it!) The leader of the band is the singer and he was sweating bullets the whole time while the sound man tried like hell to fix the situation.
Needless to say the bride and groom were furious, and even though we played overtime, they refused to pay for the extra time.
I overheard the conversation after the gig and it was not a very cordial one. The leader was pretty calm though, and understood that it was just one of those things that happen. I would love to see that wedding video today. Thanks again for a terrific post.