There’s a phase of life I call The Compression Zone. It looks something like this:
Kid #3 just arrived. Kid #2 is still in diapers and kid #1 is barely out of diapers. The day starts when one of ’em starts screaming at 3:45am and the sweet honey-dew of sleep is OVER.
Momma either stays at home, which means money is impossibly scarce, or momma goes to work and puts the kids in daycare, which means money is… impossibly scarce.
Everybody’s emotional tank is on “E” for Empty. Emotional support? What emotional support. We’re just trying to hold body and soul together. Intimacy? Oh yeah, that’s two adults, one baby and two toddlers in the bed.
Dad is 31. Works 1 1/2 jobs. He’s the “Go-To-Guy” in both of them. He’s at work by 7:15 every morning, often slamming the door behind him on a swirl of chaos and needy children, trying to not dribble yogurt on his shirt. He turns the key in the ignition in his 12 year old rust bucket and can’t see which station is on the radio because the light’s burned out on the display. He’s got $17 of lunch money that has to last him all week.
His ‘superiors’ regard him as a promising young lad who has a lot of potential and a lot of heart, if only his daring adventures would pay off. Dang, he sure means well but he’s a little angry a lot of the time and he goes off half-cocked an awful lot of the time and seems to lack a certain amount of, um, judgment.
One morning he calls in late because a spat about loading the dishwasher all wrong turned into World War 3, and if we don’t sit down and talk this out right now, Momma’s probably gonna move in with her parents for the next 3 weeks.
Deep in his heart he craves, yearns for, thirsts for… Respect. From… somebody. Anybody. “I wish SOMEBODY would listen to me. I wish ONE of these projects would come through as promised. I wish ONE of these resumes I’m sending out would get an answer from a real manager instead of a form letter.”
And even that would be frustrating because deep down he knows he’s chronically unemployable and he’s terrified of getting trapped into a life of quiet desperation. The horror of getting imprisoned by something as stupid as…
….health insurance.
He MUST MUST MUST wrench himself free from this prison. He MUST become the pilot of his own destiny. The entrepreneurial flame burns bright and it won’t be denied.
I’m speaking to a whole bunch of folks, men, women, everyone. I think almost everyone has been through some version of this. (Actually the real reason is, I don’t have segment of my list for “frustrated 30-something young dads.”)
In case you can’t, uh, tell, I’ve been through this.
Right in the middle of it… when I was just barely starting to get some traction in my life, when just a handful of those crazy projects were starting to yield some fruit… I was sitting in this class one night. The guy was talking about stages of life. It was from some book, I have no idea what book it was.
He described pretty much exactly what I just told you, then he explained what’s coming next. He said, “If you get through this and keep pressing forward, you’re gonna get to a next stage that’s a whole lot better. It’s the harvest season of your life. It’s when things really do start paying off and people do start respecting you, and eventually depending on you.”
I can tell you from experience that what comes later is….
LOTS of people depending on you.
Maybe more people than you can count or even meet.
You may not be putting food on their table, but you’re giving them one of the world’s most precious and scarce commodities….
LEADERSHIP
and
COJONES.
Cowards are a dime a dozen. They are everywhere.
It takes balls to pour fuel into your dream. (Balls are not exclusive to men, mind you.)
It also takes pain tolerance. Cuz how do you KNOW that you have a dream? Know that you know that you know?
When it hurts so bad you can taste it. When your heart twists like a wrung-out dishrag every time your mind goes to that place, that place of unfulfilled but possible possibilities.
My favorite prof once asked our class:
“What’s the greatest virtue of all?”
Everyone stared at him, and started popping out answers:
“Love.”
“Faith.”
“Honesty.”
“Integrity.”
Dr. Knoll said, “All that stuff is great but it’s not as great as COURAGE. Cuz if you don’t have courage, none of the others are worth a dime.
Carpe Diem.
Take Courage. And seize the day.
Share This Post
About the Author
Perry Marshall has launched two revolutions in sales and marketing. In Pay-Per-Click advertising, he pioneered best practices and wrote the world's best selling book on Google advertising. And he's driven the 80/20 Principle deeper than any other author, creating a new movement in business.
He is referenced across the Internet and by Harvard Business Review, The New York Times, INC and Forbes Magazine.
24 Comments on “Shout Out to the 30-Something Street Fightin’ Man”
Yes very true sir Perry Marshall .. we must have with all , one conviction, a hope .. God bless
JUST found your Ultimate Guide to Local Business Marketing on Amazon with last month’s release date. Given my circumstances as stated above, would you recommend my starting with the 80/20 book or the latest one?
Jean
Perry,
I find it interesting that Andrew is a photographer since I have been scouring your site (before buying the book for a penny, mind you!) and am already convinced that you are the real deal when it comes to what you are offering. For the past 3 years of so I have, instead of spending much money, made use of all the free sources online to learn about art marketing. I am a hobbyist fine art photographer who has been afraid to take the leap into becoming a business.
As Andrew points out, most of the financially successful fine art photographers have a side business (offering seminars or selling videos of techniques, etc.) that provides the bulk of their income. I’m already 66 so it seems rather pointless to try to become a 6 figure artist at this stage of life. Besides, I do not need the income to survive, but would like to make enough to be more comfortable.
To that end, I have spent the last month investigating the ins and outs of what it takes to be a business and was delighted when I found Sam Carpenter’s work. Now I have found you! Marketing is almost 50% of a creative’s time in the sell-direct-to-the-customer environment that the arts have entered.
I look forward to reading your book soon, but wonder if you address the kind of concerns I will be facing? I will read it anyway because I am already fascinated by what I have already gotten out of the 80/20 principle. Also, I predicted before I saw it that the addition of the 16s might multiply and then that is exactly what you showed!
While I do have a web presence and a very small email list, I have determined that my success is more likely to come by “working” the local and regional market. The 5 qualifiers will also be extremely helpful when I do my next Artists Open Studio event.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for what you offer!
Jean
Perry,
I don’t know where to begin with this. The first time I read it I choked up. You’ve pretty much summarised my whole stage of life with this (and other related posts).
33 years old. Three kids – 5, 3 and 1. Wife’s a stay-at-home mum, and homeschooling. Driving a 14 year old people carrier that has more stuff broken than working. Evangelical Christian. Involved in MLM. Pay a reduced rent because I do admin duties/chase up late payers for the company that owns our flats (apartments). Etc. etc.
One thing you forgot to mention is the feeling of dread, coupled with putting on a brave face, when you’re asked “So how’s work going?”. (Referring to my practically non-existent business).
Especially by the father-in-law.
I’ve struggled for years trying to be successful as a photographer, without ever getting any traction. Spent a fortune on marketing seminars, books, newsletters, and courses. Then found I never had enough money to implement all the marketing strategies I’d just learnt.
A couple of years ago I received a £25,000 inheritance. About half went on living expenses, as we had virtually no money coming in. And the other half ‘invested’ into the business.
Long story short, when I realised I had nothing to show for it, I began to wonder whether lack of money was the problem. About that time I attended your head trash webinar series, and one thing rang true…
“If I believe I’ve acquired money I did not earn or deserve, my subconscious will compel me to get rid of it!”
Ouch.
I put my name down for one of your ‘Memos from Head Office’ webinars during my trial membership. The lady talked about receiving clarity, and used the phrase ‘joining the dots’. A couple of days earlier I was lamenting to my wife how I needed clarity and focus, and literally said “I need to join the dots.”
(Referring to my habit of making progress with one project, then suddenly feeling the urge to bail on it, come up with reasons why it won’t work, then start something else from scratch).
The day after ‘Memos from Head Office’, I was resting in my office chair, asking God about all this, when I believe He gave me the inspiration for my current business venture – a monthly newsletter of photography activities, experiments, and tutorials for homeschool kids.
So that’s what I’m working on now. One annual subscriber so far at £79. Lots more to take action on still.
When I told my wife about this post, she asked, “So when did things turn around for him?!”
Sorry for the long post. It feels good to write things down.
Thanks for everything. I look forward to investing more money with you in the future.
Andrew
Andrew,
Keep the faith. And fail fast. Let the laboratory of reality speak its peace. Next, next, next.
Perry
Fearlessness is not the opposite side of the coin of fear. The opposite side of the coin of fear is courage. Courage, like fire, needs kindling and stoking. In my case, just like the story of the man above, that came from a struggling family situation from which I determined I would draw on every fibre of my being to create financial freedom for myself and my family. It is impossible to burn through the struggle, the pain, the suffering if you don’t have the fuel of courage to sear your course.
A busy, chaotic and rather crazy family environment provides some of the best entrepreneurial fuel I know!
I suspect that was not too dissimilar to Jesus’s experiences of family life (despite an amazing mother). In his case I’m sure this deepened his love for others, broadened his acceptance for the outcast and gave him much greater understanding of how light shines in the darkness and how the darkness has never overcome it. Entrepreneurship, passion, spirituality. All three are inextricably linked.
Thanks for sharing this story. It’s amazing how some people chose to focus on the challenges and decisions leading up to them, instead of the courage and cajones it took to overcome. I’m still not where I want to be, but its so close I can taste it. Definitely needed to read this today.
Ha! Great storytelling as always Perry. Can’t believe it nearly turned into a religious thing though. Inner strength is either an attribute or acquired by those who have it but need a bit of a push. At 40 and with 4 kids, in the top 5% of earners according to national stats (not the US mind) I am the latter, have ditched the corporate and embarked on the entrepreneurial with a safety net the size of my brain, heart, mouth and laptop combined. 80/20 is saving my life and that of my kids (I’ll let you know how it turns out!).
This story is very close to home. I just turned 32 and have 5 children 8 and under. My wife is a nurse and I am an entrepreneur. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but it has been a long road. Most days it feels hopeless but you can never show the fear to your wife or kids because they believe so much in you. Being an entrepreneur is a very hard road and I think it is made to look so glamorous. At the end of the day I would never go back to work for someone else. The process of getting there is half the fun.
Perry – this is crazy!
This is my exact scenario right now!
You are an amazing writer!
Awesome post Perry!
Almost like a sucker for punishment, I put myself through this process many times!
I wound up starting http://www.herotheory.com as my outlet and way to give back to folks going through the same struggles.
Courage is SUPER important! If the street fighting man is ever going to rise above the noise in his job and/or entrepreneurial gig, courage will be what allows him to cultivate the other qualities (patience, persistence, love, faith, honesty, integrity etc.)
Love to have you as a guest on The Hero Theory podcast Perry.
Thanks
Mike
My staff will look into it and get back to you. Thanks for the shout-out sir!
I couldn’t help notice the contrast between the focus of this article, and the average age of the people whose testimonials on your home page. I wonder if 30-something people are into internet marketing at all.
What a great heart warming story.
What I think I am hearing through the lines is how valuable a family really can be and is? That the struggle is worth it and that there is no life without fear, but if I work for it, I am given the courage to cope and some :)
That is correct sir.
Hehehehe, this was me to a tee 12 years ago.
Then I bought Perry’s $2k Guerrilla marketing course (actually I got my boss to buy it for me ).
Then I won a Bobsled Run in about 2008.
Now I’ve been in the harvest season for about 6 years. And yes. It’s good.
Cheers Perry,
Finn
Congrats. It’s really sweet when you make it to the other side.
Having just turned 30 without any kids, this situation is me just with a slightly more comfortable monetary situation. Even if you’re ‘doing well’ in a career, you will always crave to control it.
Courage is a great virtue, but then so is good sense and a sense of proportions. Why, at a mere 31 years, and with insufficient means, is he trying to support 5 people? What on earth made him think he war ready to have 3 children? Why not a little family planning and a decision to have fewer children or, God forbid, to wait? Recipe for an early stroke or heart attack or divorce. Why not that great but totally unfashionable virtue of contentment, praised by sages? Oh no, that is not “entrepreneurial!” As if entrepreneurship were the alpha and omega of human value. How about “you cannot worship God and Mammon?” How about “the one thing needful?” We are a nation of far too many greedy insouciant and seml-hysterical fools, essentially “spiritual materialists,” which is to say dupes of a false and perverted ideology, a perfectly illusory prosperity gospel, the gospel of the human antheap of homo economicus, the gospel that creates endless and trivial false enthusiasms and false absolutes–we call them “passions,” whereas people used to strive for spiritual impassibility.
Dear James Anonymous,
Your post demonstrates contempt for the human race.
I don’t think James realizes the power of a determined mum. I doubt for one moment that the decision to have so many kids was your own, or that the consequences would be easy on either of you. But then, if people thought like that, there’d be no kids at all…
Amen, sister.
I have to comment. My blood feels like it’s boiling. (stop. deep breath). I am a Christian so I have to look at this through a Christ based perspective. Let us ask ourselves…what would Jesus do? Would he turn around in the temple at age 12 and say,”Yo. Mom. Pops. What were you thinking having so many children? You can’t even keep track of one boy, and didn’t even know that I was missing for days. Mary, why did you have me? Joseph, why no condom?”
Okay, I have calmed down now. I do believe that Jesus was born supernaturally, so obviously, birth control would not have stopped his entry in the world. But we do read that he had brothers and sister in the Bible, some of whom wrote scriptures I believe. What if they wouldn’t have been born? Should Joseph have fathered less children? And yes, I know that birth control wasn’t around back then. But what about today? Are the children born today any less valuable than Christ’s brothers? 10-12 kids was the average back then. Did the Almight jump for joy when condom’s were invented? Did He hi five the angels and say “Finally. Those idiots can screw responsibly??