There’s a phase of life I call the Compression Zone. It looks something like this:
Kid #3 just arrived. Kid #2 is still in diapers and kid #1 is barely out of diapers. The day starts when one of ’em starts screaming at 3:45am and the sweet honey-dew of sleep is OVER.
Momma either stays at home, which means money is impossibly scarce, or momma goes to work and puts the kids in daycare, which means money is… impossibly scarce.
Everybody’s emotional tank is on “E” for Empty. Emotional support? What emotional support. We’re just trying to hold body and soul together. Intimacy? Oh yeah, that’s two adults, one baby and two toddlers in the bed.
Dad is 31. Works 1 1/2 jobs. He’s the “Go-To-Guy” in both of them. He’s at work by 7:15 every morning, slamming the door behind him on a swirl of chaos and needy children, trying to not dribble strawberry yogurt on his shirt. He turns the key in the ignition in his 12 year old rust bucket and can’t see which station is on the radio because the light’s burned out on the display. He’s got $17 of lunch money that has to last him all week.
His ‘superiors’ regard him as a promising young lad who has a lot of potential and a lot of heart, if only his daring adventures would pay off. Dang, he sure means well but he’s a little angry a lot of the time and he goes off half-cocked an awful lot of the time and seems to lack a certain amount of, um, judgment.
One morning he calls in late because a spat about loading the dishwasher all wrong turned into World War 3, and if we don’t sit down and talk this out right now, Momma’s probably gonna move in with her parents for the next 3 weeks.
Deep in his heart he craves, yearns for, thirsts for… Respect. From… somebody. Anybody. “I wish SOMEBODY would listen to me. I wish ONE of these projects would come through as promised. I wish ONE of these resumes I’m sending out would get an answer from a real manager instead of a form letter.”
And even that would be frustrating because deep down he knows he’s chronically unemployable and he’s terrified of getting trapped into a life of quiet desperation. The horror of getting imprisoned by something as stupid as….
….health insurance.
He MUST MUST MUST wrench himself free from this prison. He MUST become the pilot of his own destiny. The entrepreneurial flame burns bright and it won’t be denied.
My buddy Jim Cleary went through Chemo twice. Or maybe it was three times. Jim used to say, “There’s nothing like pain to make you see things REALLY clearly – 20/20. SHARP focus.”
I’m blasting this out to a whole bunch of folks, men, women, everyone. I think almost everyone has been through some version of this. (Actually the real reason is, I don’t have segment of my list for “frustrated 30-something young dads.”)
In case you can’t, uh, tell, I’ve been through this.
Right in the middle of it… when I was just barely starting to get some traction in my life, when just a handful of those crazy projects were starting to yield some fruit… I was sitting in this class one night. The guy was talking about stages of life. It was from some book, I have no idea what book it was.
He described pretty much exactly what I just told you, then he explained what’s coming next. He said, “If you get through this and keep pressing forward, you’re gonna get to a next stage that’s a whole lot better. It’s the harvest season of your life. It’s when things really do start paying off and people do start respecting you, and eventually depending on you.”
I can tell you from experience that what comes later is….
LOTS of people depending on you.
Maybe more people than you can count or even meet.
You may not be putting food on their table, but you’re giving them one of the world’s most precious and scarce commodities….
LEADERSHIP
and
COJONES.
Cowards are a dime a dozen. They are everywhere.
It takes balls to pour fuel into your dream. (Balls are not exclusive to men, mind you.)
It also takes pain tolerance. Cuz how do you KNOW that you have a dream? Know that you know that you know?
When it hurts so bad you can taste it. When your heart twists like a wrung-out dishrag every time your mind goes to that place, that place of unfulfilled but possible possibilities.
My favorite prof once asked our class:
“What’s the greatest virtue of all?”
Everyone stared at him, and started popping out answers:
“Love!”
“Faith!”
“Honesty!”
“Integrity!”
Dr. Knoll said, “All that stuff is great. But none of it is as important as COURAGE. Cuz if you don’t have courage, none of the others are worth a dime.
Carpe Diem.
Take Courage. And seize the day.
Perry Marshall
Share This Post
About the Author
Perry Marshall has launched two revolutions in sales and marketing. In Pay-Per-Click advertising, he pioneered best practices and wrote the world's best selling book on Google advertising. And he's driven the 80/20 Principle deeper than any other author, creating a new movement in business.
He is referenced across the Internet and by Harvard Business Review, The New York Times, INC and Forbes Magazine.
33 Comments on “A shout-out to the 30-something street fightin' man.”
Fantastic post Perry.
You completely know how to write to “us” in that stage of life.
I’d like to add that the road to “success” isn’t ever straight and narrow. Sometimes it takes a couple “re-boots” here and there and starting all over.
I’m on my 3rd reboot and fall very much into the “frustrated 30-something young dads.”
But courage and faith in God will keep us going.
Great post.
Thanks Perry! It seems that I was too late for my reply :) I just opened my email and I saw this.
Wow, eerie how much this post FELT like me. In the freeway on uphills, I’m afraid I’ll get stopped by a cop because my 16 year old truck loses power and goes below 45MPH. Chronically unemployable, fear of health insurance, another kid on the way, one still in diapers…
I just read a Jim Rohn quote: you must get good at one of two things: sowing in the Spring or begging in the Fall.
I certainly feel like I’m working by butt off, planting lots, believing/hoping there will be a harvest. Your post reassures me that a harvest is likely.
Please add a tag to my profile in your CRM, “frustrated 30-something young dad”.
Very interested .
Ouch! Reality hurts…
I know a seed has gotta die for the plant to grow -but the death of a dream(s) harder and harder to get up from.
Perry,
At the auto-responder seminar a few years ago you said: “good copy is pent-up energy in the form of words on paper/computer screen”…
If that’s true (which it is) this post is:
PURE BRILLIANCE!
We know energy has it’s own vibrational signature.
Because you’ve walked in the shoes you wrote about here, you were able to resonate with the “energetic signature” the boat-load of folks in those shoes are in and form *instant* rapport.
Breaking this down is a masters course in copy.
Thanks for having the integrity you do to put stuff out there like this without reaching into the pockets of your readers every 5 seconds with a product launch or get rich quick scheme.
These days ethics are as rare as intimacy in a master bedroom with a corner full of diapers and toddler drool on the sheets separting lovers.
With gratitude for you,
Derek Naylor
Thanks Derek, and everyone for your kind words. I love it when the muse strikes. Others have said I should do a specialized copy seminar. Would that be of interest?
I’m interested.
Hey Perry,
I wanted to say thanks for the email today, I think many people needed this one :) (I am a female and I have Balls!) WWoooooooOWWhhhhoooo!! GREAT EMAIL …
Thanks Perry,
Shawna
P.S.
To Prof Knoll & His question…
“What’s the greatest virtue of all?”
“Love!”
“Faith!”
“Honesty!”
“Integrity!”
“All that stuff is great. But none of it is as important as COURAGE. Cuz if you don’t have courage, none of the others are worth a dime.”…
Prof–I would just like to add that…
COURAGE Without PERSEVERANCE Ain’t Worth Much–Either.
AND–Perry…
RE: “Intimacy? Oh yeah, that’s two adults, one baby and two toddlers in the bed.”…
Perry–Remember To Add That…
Believe IT or NOT–
Some Day–SOONER THAN YOU THINK…
You’re Gonna MISS THIS.
Damn, Perry – talk about striking a resonant chord! You’re truly cosmic, man!
Perry,
Wow! Very true, how did you know? Change a few details and you described exactly what I am going through.
I can’t tell you how much I appreciated this email – as a reliable freelance web programmer I am needed to be to go-to guy for several people and it never stops, yet the when it comes to the money it is a constant struggle with these guys.
Anyway I love listening in to your free webinars and hope to someday be able to attend an event.
Keep up the motivation – it really helps! Thanks!
Thanks Perry. I really needed this push. To all that continue to struggle, hang in there. Success is closer than many of us realize!
Thank you Perry for your support. I was going to lose it today, the kind of thing that makes the 5 pm news and is really tragic. I had NO ONE to go to so I went to my mother-in-law. She is a rock and I thank God for her. We cried together for an hour. I shared my pain and she shared hers. We got up and said we need to fight on. There is a saying that says it’s darkest befroe dawn. I pray a dawn to come for my family. Of course it takes action too. I’m about to take a risk and do something I have NEVER done before in my business. Nothing big, it gets done thoussands of times a week. The difference is it’s my first one. Only a few hundred dollar investment but it seems like millions right now. But it will take some balls for sure. I’m ready to move forward. Thanks for the push and your book too. I’ll be emailing Josh shortly with a blog post.
Edwin,
I’ve noticed your comments and some themes in the things that you struggle with. I think you could get great benefit from a Sozo session. Bethel has a network of churches that administer it, at http://bethelsozo.com/sozo-network/
Perry
You SOB! You made me cry, again. ; )
Perry, I’m really beginning to like you…even more.
Thanks for caring enough to care enough.
And for your willingness to pay the price.
Truth does not come cheap.
“Buy the Truth, and do not sell it.”
Truth, my friend, supersedes freedom, and if you want freedom, you’ve got to be willing to say yes.
Yes, to suffering.
Yes, to sacrifice.
Yes, to surrender.
And yes, to standing up for what is good and right.
There is certainly a price to pay, but the rewards are plenty.
Like having the pleasure of reading this email today.
Thanks Perry!
Justin
Good Choice of Advice from Proverbs 23–Justin…
“Buy the Truth, and do not sell it.”
And–For the further benefit of the “30-something street fightin’ man” to whom this piece is dedicated… I’d back up a bit in this chapter to line 4:
“Do not wear yourself out to gain wealth,
cease to be worried about it”
IF The Family is fed & clothed & sheltered–
No Matter How Humbly…
By Your Honest Work–
You Are ALREADY A Success.
Enjoy IT
& Enjoy THEM
& Enjoy The Company of Other Such Families !!!
The Greatest Rewards That LIFE Has To Offer You Are REAL. Money is only a Symbol of & Substitute for what is Real… A Place-Holder… if you will. I Know People (And You Do Too) Who Left Family&Friends Behind IN Their Pursuit of Wealth & Ended UP… With LOTS of Money… but an otherwise… impoverished life.
Keep ON… Keepin’ On…
Doing Your Level BEST
Just As Faithfully
& As Honestly
As You Can…
And You’ll Be Amazed At Where IT All… Eventually Takes You–
Whether Others “See IT” or NOT.
Perry, this was me at 32.
Now, 25 Years later (you guessed my age), wish I had come across you then. but guess what, you were 25 years younger and I guess, in college? and experimenting w/ Amway? Now, look at you.
Guess what? when one goes through this experience, they think they are the only ones going through it, but several people are, and with 80/20. 20 percent will get out of it.
Great stuff Perry. Keep on Rising & all who have read this, Keep on Rising!!
Perry, you write in the most interesting conversational story telling way…It’s great to read and meditate on the subjects you pick to write about…Thanks!
Wow, where do I sign up for the 30 something group? This is exactly where I am at in life!
Wow! This is definitely one of those days when I needed a little reminder of why the hell I’m killing myself trying to make my business/passion into a reality. Good to know that burning in my gut isn’t always heart burn, but courage and passion driving me toward something bigger than myself.
Really glad I checked my email today, I needed to hear this…Thanks Perry
Bob
This message works for 50 somethings too…
Perry, you got my age wrong. It’s 35. Not 31. My car is 10 years old, not 12. :) Amen to that webcam Adam.
Thank you Perry for coming up with copy that hits right through to my EQ and fuels my IQ.
My wife talked about having a fourth kid today. I always wanted a big family. No complaints here.
Obviously, money might be scarce, but energy and love is plenty in this house.
Humans, we, all of us, have proven time after time that anything is possible. We drive cars. We fly planes. We walk on the moon -and still we die, RIP Neil Armstrong-.
As the Dutch say: Where there is a will, there is a way :)
To courage.
As I look at the garbage bags, filled with me and my families belongings, in my parents living room (Sigh..), I am reminded once again that there is no easy road to success. ( not illegally at least). I am that 30′ something year old waiting for my harvest, working tirelessly, waiting for that moment when it all starts to click together. Life can be a hard pill to swallow sometimes but, I’ve seen too much, I’ve been around success! I can’t give up now because I know, that I know….this too shall pass. My confidence and hope in God helps to continue on! Thank you Perry for being honest once again. I sure needed it today.
Take courage, Lorenzo, and all.
Yet another Perry email that truly SPOKE to me!
I’m so glad to see you now posting these in blog format so you can get all the praise you deserve.
I’ve been following your e-mails for years now (you’re one of only two marketers I’ve stayed subscribed to for more than 6 years) and this is exactly WHY!
Thank you!
Perry,
Awesome email. Very insightful and I can related. I’m in my early thirties and can relate to everything you wrote except the kids part.
Especially enjoy your take on achievement and entrepreneurship from a man’s standpoint as we are so different from women and have different ambitions, desires, fears, and challenges.
Especially like your “tell it like I see it” approach.
Thanks
Adam
Just a Note–Adam…
I “Get” WHY You Wrote…
“Especially enjoy your take on achievement and entrepreneurship from a man’s standpoint as we are so different from women and have different ambitions, desires, fears, and challenges.”
And I’d just like to add that…
Men&Women ARE Closer Than They Often–Think…
And I See Today’s 30-Somethings Doing A Better Job Than Boomers (My Generation) Did At Figuring Out… As Garrison Keillor Put IT So Well…
That Galz ARE OFTEN The Strong Ones–
AND Guyz ARE OFTEN–The Good-Looking Ones…
And Their Marriages OFTEN Produce Children Who ARE All “Above-Average”…
And The OLD Stereotyping That Assumed “Strong Women” & “Good-Looking Men” INTO OTHER “Sub-Sets” of Their Respective Genders–Will Hopefully SOON Become–HISTORY.
This is an engaging article, well written and with a great point to take away and share. Thank you for writing this with so much heart.
I’ve never had a blog post get me misty eyed. It felt like you’d watched my last 8 years happen.
I’m JUST hitting that stage where there is a *little* harvesting going on. This post really reassured the effort and “keeping the faith”.
P.S. Thank you for the podcast with Derek Naylor. He lives here locally, and just happened to have a guy in our BNI group. So I set up a 1 to 1 and was able to meet him personally.
Can’t wait for his presentation in Chicago.
Thanks for everything.
This is good stuff. I’m glad you posted it. It is exactly where I am sitting right now. I bust my butt everyday to get stuff down for the business I work for and then my business too. However, I’ve still got the kids and wife to look out for too. I’m pretty tired and I don’t sleep much, but I keep plugging. I keep waiting for harvest day. Until then, this farmer is going to keep planting.
F***ing Awesome! I really can’t say any more than that. Thank you, Perry.
amen perry!
do you have webcam access to where I live?
spot on