From the day we arrived from China, December 18, to the beginning of the New Year was a very strange, surreal time.
We were all a little jetlagged, especially Zoe. No point in trying to sleep if your new toddler is bumping around the house trying to knock down the Christmas tree.
We were all going to bed at 8pm and getting up at 3am. It would be 4:30am, pitch black outside, and we’d be eating cereal with the newest member of the fam.
All our friends wanted to come over and meet Zoe, but Laura was very protective: “We ain’t gonna have any ‘umpteen caregivers’ syndrome where she thinks she got transferred to a different orphanage.”
Little by little, Laura let people come over and say hello.
We shared a very calm, unusually quiet two weeks together. Watching Zoe learn to play with her brothers and sister. No school for the kids, me working from home, nobody going much of anywhere. Total contrast to the whirlwind tour of seven Chinese cities in three weeks.
Zoe LOVES shoes. Loves ’em. Carries ’em around the way most kids carry dolls or teddy bears. Two on her feet, two on her hands, likes them best when they don’t match.
When we first got her, at 19 months old, she didn’t walk. She didn’t crawl, or feed herself, or do much of anything. She lacked motor skills and muscle development (from not doing things like crawling). Very common for institutionalized kids.
Well let me tell ya, she made up for lost time. Pronto. We watched our girl accomplish six months of growing in about six weeks. Here’s one of her first times walking:
Interesting story: A month after we arrived, Bryan Todd came to visit. Bryan speaks fluent Chinese from living there 4 years. Bryan started speaking to her in Mandarin… she instantly recognized it and she did NOT like it. She physically pulled away from him. It was a little spooky.
He’d been with us in China the very first week we got her, then went home. 30 days later he’s back in Chicago, checking out the new bambino. She had blossomed so much, he told Laura, “The little girl I see here today is a completely different person from the girl I first met in Nanchang.”
Oh and how she jabbers. She’s not talking in full English sentences yet, but she’s doing just as well as her 2 year olds friends who were born here. She’s quick.
One of her legs is a a few inches short, missing toes and one leg bone. Soon after we got here we took her to Shriners hospital, where they provide free orthopedic care to kids. The doctor explained that we have two options:
1) Amputate her foot and make her a prosthetic, or
2) Get leg lengthening surgery.
Big complex subject. I won’t bore you with the details, except to say the leg length difference is too big to make up with a platform shoe. Doctors recommended that we amputate as young as possible. Option 1 is pretty straightforward, and if you’ve paid attention to the Paralympics etc, you know some prosthetics are impressively good.
Option #2 would likely be a “childhood of surgeries” and her foot isn’t that good of a foot anyway. We were getting close to option #1 when Laura decided to go see the prosthetic guy one more time.
Laura said to him, “Well hey, why couldn’t you do this” and she described a prosthetic extension Zoe could attach to her existing foot. It looked sort of like a double-decker bus.
He says, “Hmm, I’ve never seen that done before.”
“Well, could you build it?”
“Yeah, I can build it. In fact, it’s a really good idea for her case.”
“Great,” she says. “Do it. Then we can skip surgery until… whenever.” I knew I married a farm girl for a reason.
Here’s Zoe’s “double decker bus” prosthetic, on the right.
I think we dodged a bullet with this one. Laura follows a LOT of blogs of people whose kids have challenges like this. A few days later she read the story of a woman who had a little boy, adopted just like Zoe, same age, couldn’t really talk.
The boy went in for surgery and the surgery went OK… but he was really scared and his mom couldn’t explain to him what was going on and he sort of freaked out.
It was a BIG setback for his nascent relationship with his new adoptive family. He started reverting to orphanage behaviors and it was a long, rough road for that family.
Yeah, the orthopedist says to do this young, but we missed the “young” window before we even met her. And Zoe’s gotta learn to trust her mom and dad. She has to get used to this crazy new country called the United States.
If we’re going to do surgery, let’s do it when she’s old enough to help DECIDE what she wants to do.
There’s another bullet we dodged, too. The fact that a lot of adoptions are rough at first. Sometimes kids go berserk for some span of weeks or months. A handful never quite make the adjustment. We reached into the big box o’ chocolates and got… a pretty happy, well-adjusted kid.
Issues? Yes. Insanity? No. Thank God.
In April Zoe turned 2! We had a birthday party and friends came over and she got cool stuff, all that. She caught on to this birthday present thing real fast.
Zoe likes music. My office is a library with a big stereo system. I say, “Wanna go La La?” She says, “La La!” and we go listen to music. She likes to mess with the knobs. I say, “No touch vacuum tubes. Vacuum tubes HOT. Owwies!”
Zoe’s first haircut in the USA
I had a little flashback while writing this:
I’m transported back to being 23 years old. I am a highly motivated, go-getter Amway distributor. Trying to recruit people and build my empire, which for the most part is not working at all. Experiencing all manner of frustration and rejection. Feeling like a leper.
But I persist.
Why do I persist? Well for one thing, I didn’t think I had any other options. But mainly, I was scared.
Scared of what?
I knew I wanted to change the world. I had this boundless, restless energy. Energy to burn. I wanted to go out and so something really BIG. Wasn’t quite sure what. But something. Just like any 23 year old.
I was afraid that if I didn’t get my hind end in gear ASAP, the world would eventually beat my dreams out of me, choke my ambition. I feared trapping myself in a squirrel cage I could never escape from.
Becoming the college grad who pretty much never gets out of debt. Or the middle-aged guy who hangs on to a job he hates just to keep his health insurance.
I was afraid of growing bitter and cynical like a lot of folks who were 25 years older than me. Lethargic and mediocre.
I was afraid of… running out of options.
Now, 20 years later, I have 20/20 hindsight on what I was afraid of.
I was afraid of not being able to do… this. And a lot of other things too. Partly from circumstances and mostly from excuses, becoming the guy who mutters to Laura “Nah, we really can’t go adopt a kid in China. It costs too much plus I probably couldn’t get the time off work.” I was afraid that it would bother me but I’d just watch a movie and try to forget.
I was afraid of having rage against the machine, but lacking the will to fight.
I don’t know what drives you forward, what pushes you when everything seems discouraging and stuck. We’d all prefer that it not be fear. But if it is fear – then so be it.
Whatever turns your crank, whatever propels you out of bed in the morning, I challenge you to create a life that affords you the opportunities to do the things that really matter to you.
You only get one life. Please don’t squander it.
Perry Marshall
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About the Author
Perry Marshall has launched two revolutions in sales and marketing. In Pay-Per-Click advertising, he pioneered best practices and wrote the world's best selling book on Google advertising. And he's driven the 80/20 Principle deeper than any other author, creating a new movement in business.
He is referenced across the Internet and by Harvard Business Review, The New York Times, INC and Forbes Magazine.
23 Comments on “Last Christmas, I came home from China with a new kid.”
Hi Perry, by having seen how you combine in such a captivating way the professional, personal and spiritual aspects of your life, I can only imagine you will remember Matthew 18:3, be even more successful applying what you learn from Zoe’s behaviors to your business and come back someday in the future to tell us all what you did. :)
You’re a unique talent.
I’ve been away with family for a few days, but it was great to come home and get this update from you.
As you know, my wife Lisa and I are in the middle of the adoption process right now.
I was the skeptical husband when Lisa first came to me and shared her thought on this, but I’ve now gotten fully onboard with it.
Am I scared… you bet?
But hearing your stories, as well as the stores of so many other adoptive parents I’ve talked with has let me know that we’re doing the right thing.
We’ve also gone through classes that the Dept. of Social Services offers, and talk about an eye-opener.
Once again, thanks for sharing Perry.
You and your family are a real inspiration and have had a huge impact on my family and I.
Thanks for sharing so much of your personal life. The world would be a better place if we knew more about each other. You prove what I encourage more people to discover–that people are basically good–we just hear about the ones that are not because the unusual is NEWS.
All the best to you and your family.
Hi Perry,
Thanks for sharing more about Princess Zoe.Its truly
amazing how she has changed……she looks so beautiful and healthy.
May the Lord God continue blessing you all!
And about her condition remember the HEALER is knocking at the door just OPEN it and BELIEVE!
Will keep praying for her!
Blessings!
Orestes
Great update, shows you how mums know best! She loves shoes…what little lady doesn’t
She’s our Chinese Imelda Marcos.
Perry, excelent article… I loved the last part, sometimes we don’t know how short is our life that only we appreciate it when we see that life is near its end.
Thanks a lot,
Andres
Wonderful Perry! She is such an adorable little girl!
John
Perry, congratulations to you and your family!
What an inspiring journey so far – and there is so much of your journey together to enjoy.
Best wishes
Perry,
You are an exquisite example of what someone can accomplish with enough courage and persistence. Thanks for boldly inspiring us to go deeper down life’s rabbit hole.
All the best to you and your family!
Tony
Perry this is awesome! Congratulations to all of you. Good idea to wait on surgery decisions until she has adjusted to her new life and fabulous family. Blessings!
Perry, do you know Aimee Mullins. She has a prosthetic legs. She is a speaker. (I’ll put one of her links below)
I found her, because I listen to the moth podcasts. (Wish you had a pod cast!!)
My first thought. Wow Perry. Where do you find all the energy!! Good for you. I am glad you are happy and we need more people like you.
My second thought. The way the story was going, I thought you were trying to talk us (the readers) into thinking the operation was alright, I was saying. NOOO NOOO to the computer. I am really glad you are waiting. You didn’t mention this, but I am sure it went through your crazy mind a thousand times. Think “Let her make the choice”. She will be an intelligent young women soon enough. Then you talk about it, make the choice, as a family, etc.
Third thing. Again, being a wildly nerdy dude and well read, you may know this. Aimee is far more the elocutionist then I. This is not her best talk, (She has one about a little girl with a prosthetic leg, like hers, (and yours) that I instantly thought of. A girl came up to her on the street. I wont ruin the story.
You are correct, prosthetics have come “leaps and bounds”. I bet she may be faster with a modern titanium foot then most humans. And get way cooler shoes!!!
http://www.ted.com/talks/_prosthetic_aesthetics.html
Aimee Mullins, but I am sure you know this. Just incase.
Amiee is cool!
Perry, I saw the prosthetic leg on your wife’s blog – but I didn’t realize it was a “Marshall Family Special”!
Well done all of you.
When she is bigger and terrorizing you all out of your wits, you will look back on these times fondly.
She’s beautiful Perry. Thanks for sharing story. I hope you got a patent on your new double decker shoe…brilliant idea!
A wise friend of ours says create a wonderful life with small acts of courage every day. What you did is in the large act of courage category. Thanks for sharing and a lifetime of happiness to all!
Perry,
Great, inspirational article.
Like your friend, I’m also fluent in Mandarin (Chinese).
Are you planning on teaching her any Mandarin in her early years?
Haven’t really thought about Mandarin that much, but definitely will get exposed to a lot of Chinese culture!
Looks like Zoe is adjusting to American life with a great family. That was a terrific idea for the prostetic foot extension. I guess you’ll have to get it lengthened as Zoe grows taller. She was probably able to balance on it fairly fast. You are truly blessed.
Perry,
Reading this story is truly inspirational.
Thanks for continuing to setting an example for all of us.
All the best,
– Alex –
Love these updates about Zoe and the rest of your family. Blessings to you and Laura.
Perry,
Zoe is so beautiful. May God continue to bless you and your family. He is surely good.
Regards,
Delores
Darling little girl! Thanks for sharing. With my simple but effective “invention” of ComPfys to help people wering compression hose, I’ve learned most medical supply people think inside the box — so glad your wife got someone outside of it!
That’s a whole new business waiting to be started — INNOVATIVE medical supply stores where real problems are addressed outside the box! At 75 and facing surgery in a week, my plate is full.